Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC) - 2006-11-27

Channel: malgent

Transcript

Language: English (original, YouTube automatic captions)

[0:00] Seven in Portland.

[0:00] >> Tomorrow on Night Line, one brave chef's

[0:03] mission impossible to provide tasty and

[0:06] nutritious school lunches to the

[0:08] children in one Northern California

[0:10] school district. You won't believe the

[0:12] obstacle she faced trying to fix the

[0:14] much maligned school lunch.

[0:16] >> If I gave you $4 and said, "Take your

[0:19] husband and two other people and go

[0:22] shopping to the grocery store with those

[0:24] $4 and cook lunch for yourself.

[0:27] nutritious, delicious, and 700 calories.

[0:30] Could you do it? Well, no. But that's

[0:32] what school food service people all

[0:33] across America are being asked to do

[0:35] every day.

[0:35] >> More white food.

[0:36] >> The chef versus the school lunch. That's

[0:39] tomorrow on Night Line. And that's our

[0:41] report tonight on Night Line. I'm Terry

[0:43] Moran. For Martin Basher and Cynthia

[0:45] McFaten and all of us at ABC News, good

[0:48] night, America.

[1:06] Sharper, smarter, brighter. ABC News

[1:10] Night Line.

[1:16] >> Who cried?

[1:17] >> I did.

[1:18] >> Not me.

[1:19] >> I saw you with your hand in your chin.

[1:21] That's called concentrating on the

[1:22] moment.

[1:24] >> I wasn't crying. Okay. I mean,

[1:25] seriously, I don't know why you guys.

[1:46] There once was a place that was slightly

[1:49] odd. that tacked a nickel onto every

[1:52] bottle, complicated trash day with

[1:55] plastic bins, gave prime real estate to

[1:58] everyone, zigged where most places

[2:01] zagged, and generally started doing

[2:04] every little thing as if the earth

[2:06] depended on it, which oddly enough, it

[2:10] does.

[2:12] >> For more energy and earthsaving tips,

[2:14] visit portland.com.

[2:16] >> Hi, I'm Bob Lampir, Jr. What brought you

[2:18] to Beaverton Chrysler? I bought my

[2:19] previous Infiniti here and I got a great

[2:21] deal. Financing was fabulous. They were

[2:24] very easy to deal with.

[2:25] >> For 36 years, it's been our family's

[2:27] privilege to serve your family's

[2:28] automotive needs on Canyon Road in

[2:30] Beaverton. And remember, if it isn't the

[2:32] best used car you've ever owned, just

[2:34] bring it back to Beaverton Chrysler

[2:36] Dodge.

[2:36] >> To me, that helped a lot. Made me feel a

[2:38] little bit more at ease with my decision

[2:40] that I was able to return it if and

[2:42] exchange it for a different vehicle if I

[2:44] wanted. It's very easy process. I

[2:45] enjoyed it a lot. K2 News voted Oregon's

[2:48] best investigative journalism

[2:55] from Hollywood. It's Jimmy Kimmel

[3:04] Don Rickles

[3:09] Aaron Carter.

[3:19] and music from the home study

[3:25] with Cleto.

[3:33] And now this time I need it here.

[3:53] Well,

[3:57] you're watching. Before we get started,

[3:59] I I want to throw this out there. Is

[4:02] anyone else here totally freaking out

[4:04] that Nick and Erin Carter

[4:09] are backstage in their dressing rooms

[4:11] completely naked right now? Oh my god,

[4:15] this is ridiculous.

[4:17] Well, we got a big show tonight. An

[4:19] excellent band from Brooklyn, The Hold

[4:21] Steady, is here with us tonight. AND

[4:25] I didn't even safely say the funniest

[4:28] person ever to sit on a talk show couch.

[4:30] The great Don Rickles is here.

[4:33] >> Good time.

[4:34] >> I want to I want to wish a uh happy

[4:38] Veterans Day to those of you who serve

[4:39] this country and to those of you who,

[4:41] like my dad, serve boiled potatoes in

[4:43] the Fort Dicks Army cafeteria to those

[4:45] who serve the country. People serve in

[4:47] different ways, you know. Our governor

[4:49] here in California, a gentleman named

[4:50] Arnold Schwarzenegger, is back from

[4:52] Mexico tonight. He was there to

[4:54] encourage more trade between our state

[4:57] and their country. Here's a clip. It was

[4:59] a full day for the governor in Mexico

[5:01] City as he tried to convince Mexicans to

[5:04] trade him the resort city of Puerto

[5:06] Varta for a basket of grapes.

[5:09] >> Well, in Austria, they they use grapes

[5:12] as currency, so he just didn't know

[5:14] that. Good news. Good news for Mexican

[5:16] homosexuals in Mexico City. The assembly

[5:19] voted yesterday to legally recognize

[5:21] same-sex civil unions. So now gay people

[5:24] can BE

[5:55] GMO. Hold on a second. GMO. GMO. GMO.

[6:01] >> WHAT? WHY ARE you Why are you so

[6:05] excited? Are Are you gay?

[6:08] AND THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY TEQUILA TIME.

[6:16] >> It was a complete coincidence.

[6:21] >> You should see what he does on Saturday.

[6:23] He really gets crazy. All right.

[6:28] A lot more energy than in rehearsal,

[6:30] I'll tell you that.

[6:32] UH,

[6:37] all right. I'm now I'm scared. I don't

[6:39] know why.

[6:40] >> Jelly beans and a man's leg. And you got

[6:42] a stick there.

[6:45] >> The band Van Halen has a new bass

[6:46] player. The old one, Michael Anthony,

[6:48] has been replaced by Eddie Van Halen's

[6:50] 15-year-old son. Wow.

[6:52] >> Wolf Gang Van Halen will tour with the

[6:54] band. I'm not kidding. That's his name.

[6:56] >> You You'll recognize him on the tour. He

[6:58] will be the only member of the band who

[7:00] still has the ability to jump during the

[7:02] song Jump. Weird though, huh? Right. 15

[7:06] years old, you're in Van Halen trying to

[7:08] do your homework in between doing mscal

[7:10] body shots off 45year-old groupies.

[7:14] Not to be outdone. Led Zeppelin has

[7:17] announced that their son Ed Zeppelin has

[7:18] joined their band. Cool.

[7:20] >> He's four years old.

[7:21] >> Good for them.

[7:22] >> He plays the blocks.

[7:23] >> He does.

[7:25] >> This is pretty good. We're in the middle

[7:26] of network sweeps right now. This is

[7:27] when the TV networks bring out their

[7:29] heavy artillery. This is when like

[7:30] security guards will go totally gay

[7:32] dancing. Um,

[7:34] >> on Entertainment Tonight, reporter

[7:35] Vanessa Manilo is in the middle of of

[7:37] another one of her shocking exposees.

[7:39] Last sweep's period, she put on a fat

[7:41] suit and was stunned to learn that giant

[7:45] fat people get treated differently than

[7:46] TV supermodels do. It was It really was

[7:49] groundbreaking television. This time

[7:51] around, Manila goes underground as an

[7:53] ugly person, and the results will

[7:56] probably not surprise you.

[7:58] >> What happens when our ugly Vanessa with

[8:01] her hidden camera crews in tow tries to

[8:03] get people to help her with a survey she

[8:05] tells them is for college? Well, it

[8:07] isn't pretty.

[8:08] >> Excuse me, do you have time for four

[8:09] quick questions?

[8:11] >> Okay, excuse me. Do you have time for

[8:13] four quick questions in an interview?

[8:16] >> Now, the big question. What if our ugly

[8:18] Vanessa was suddenly turned into a

[8:20] blue-eyed blonde bombshell? How would

[8:22] people react?

[8:23] >> The difference is shocking. Hey, I know

[8:26] you're walking in a rush. I have four

[8:27] quick questions on beauty. Do you think

[8:28] you can answer them for me?

[8:30] >> Thank you. One guy gave me his email.

[8:32] One guy was kind of flirty, but every

[8:34] single guy stopped.

[8:36] >> Wow,

[8:37] >> that's shocking.

[8:38] >> So, what you're saying is men are

[8:40] attracted to beautiful women.

[8:43] >> Look at the sun.

[8:45] Is she eligible for a Nobel Prize for

[8:47] this? On behalf of Not So Attractive

[8:50] People Everywhere, thank you, Vanessa

[8:52] Milo. You are our Rosa Parks. Wow. Also

[8:55] on Entertainment Tonight, Mark Steinus

[8:57] traveled all the way to the Bahamas for

[8:59] what I think will be a 40-part interview

[9:01] with Anna Nicole Smith. Last night, the

[9:03] fascinating Anna Nicole opened up about

[9:05] her mother.

[9:06] >> She didn't know me. She never ever

[9:08] wanted to know me because she was too

[9:11] jealous of me.

[9:13] And she definitely didn't know my son.

[9:15] >> I saw how evil she was. And evil she

[9:18] looked. So bring it on, mom.

[9:22] Mommy, dearest friend.

[9:26] That

[9:29] >> that has got to be the weirdest Pepsin

[9:31] commercial I've ever seen.

[9:33] Shouldn't she be dating Kevin Federline

[9:35] by now?

[9:39] The um

[9:41] the Britney Spears Kevin federal line

[9:43] divorce is on the cover of all the

[9:44] supermarket magazines today. Most of the

[9:46] the talk now is about custodial issues.

[9:49] They have to determine once the marriage

[9:50] is over whether Kay Fed will work as a

[9:52] custodian at a high school or a junior

[9:54] high school.

[9:56] I wonder if Von Dutch makes a mob.

[9:59] Fortunately, uh the divorce proceedings

[10:01] are not slowing Kevin's music career.

[10:03] His album debuted at number 151 on the

[10:06] Billboard chart,

[10:08] just behind Chumble Womba's new album.

[10:11] His concert tour isn't going so well

[10:13] either. The turnout for his show at the

[10:14] House of Blues in Chicago apparently

[10:16] left something to be desired. Kevin

[10:19] couldn't reel him into the theater due

[10:20] to poor ticket sales. The House of Blues

[10:22] apparently gave away dozens of free

[10:24] tickets. These reviews just in.

[10:27] >> That is the worst show we've ever seen.

[10:29] Literally.

[10:32] Well, now we know why he's trying to get

[10:33] custody of the kids. That way, he will

[10:35] have at least two people in the audience

[10:36] for his show.

[10:38] >> In addition to his grueling tour

[10:40] schedule, KF is also still writing,

[10:42] directing, starring in, and drawing his

[10:43] own animated show. This is a short

[10:46] preview of the episode that airs

[10:47] tomorrow morning.

[10:52] >> He's doing fine. He's better.

[10:57] >> What's cracking, y'all? Yo, check it.

[11:00] Raising two babies on your own, it ain't

[11:03] easy. Turns out they needs food, water,

[11:08] and once a week, diapers.

[11:11] >> The party.

[11:12] >> Yo, here's a tip to save the valuable

[11:14] time. Instead of feeding the babies

[11:16] three times a day, give them one big bag

[11:20] of snacks every two days. and to drink.

[11:25] Son, leave that toilet seat up in your

[11:27] studio. That way they can dink whenever

[11:30] they wants to without having to get all

[11:33] up in your grill.

[11:36] Cypress, bottles, formula kids. Life

[11:39] ain't easy when you got two, kids. Just

[11:41] to keep in mind, knives are not for

[11:43] kids. Also, cigarettes are not for kids.

[11:46] Live alligators not for kids. OPEN WATER

[11:49] SHARK cage not for kids. Hobo's out.

[11:56] Al and um well before we push forward,

[11:59] it's time for our weekly tribute to the

[12:01] FCC where we bleep and blur the things

[12:03] we see on TV whether they need it or

[12:05] not. It is this week in unnecessary

[12:07] censorship.

[12:12] We understand that Chris Shay is leading

[12:13] by about 4500 votes and this is with his

[12:18] big this is this is historic for our

[12:20] country and uh as a of young women it is

[12:26] uh I think it's an important

[12:27] >> but when you over a guy who's been you

[12:30] all night and driving you crazy and his

[12:32] face it feels really sweet and the award

[12:34] for female vocalist of the year goes to

[12:38] >> CARRIE UNDERWOOD.

[12:49] SHE JUST FILED FOR DIVORCE FROM CAPE at

[12:50] what, like Tuesday and already she ising

[12:53] and like a million bucks. Retail giant

[12:56] Richard Sears began his career in 1886

[12:59] when he started a company that sold

[13:01] what? Watches, shoes, paint,

[13:07] TOYS.

[13:13] WHEN YOU'RE A PERSON, you can grow and

[13:17] change. And

[13:20] sometimes you feel like

[13:25] all night long.

[13:29] Sometimes you your teddy bear tightly.

[13:35] ALL RIGHT.

[13:53] FELLAS. ON THE SHOW TONIGHT, WE'VE got a

[13:55] um a former Backstreet Boy and his

[13:58] brother who live together in a house

[14:00] with their sisters and um they they get

[14:02] along like no one since the Osman's.

[14:04] >> That's right. Go to sleep at 12.

[14:08] Please you say this every night.

[14:10] >> Yeah, but let me tell you something real

[14:11] quick. You going to turn the music down

[14:13] and respect me. Don't spit in my face.

[14:16] Don't my face. All right. You're going

[14:17] to respect me. Don't spit in my face.

[14:19] Respect me. Don't spit in my face, Nick.

[14:21] Don't spit in my face. I'm sick of you

[14:23] doing this to me. Stop it. Respect me.

[14:25] Stop it. You're going to respect me.

[14:26] Stop it. What are you doing?

[14:27] >> You're going to respect is wrong with

[14:29] you. Is wrong with you? YOU'RE GOING TO

[14:31] RESPECT MY HOUSE IN MY ROOM.

[14:33] >> What are you doing? No, I'm

[14:37] Yeah. WHAT'S GOING ON?

[14:39] >> OH, THERE YOU GO. From the reality show

[14:41] House of

[14:44] I hope they beat each other up on the

[14:45] show. Yeah, why not? After that, with

[14:47] music from their latest CD called Boys

[14:49] and Girls in America. That is it right

[14:50] there. They came all the way out from

[14:51] Brooklyn to play for us. The hold steady

[14:55] is

[14:57] our But before we get to all that, oh,

[14:59] you know, I should mention that next

[15:01] week on the show, uh, Pam Anderson will

[15:03] be here on Monday. Heraldo Rivera, Tracy

[15:05] Morgan, Jerry Springer, Britney Murphy,

[15:06] John Legend, Greg Caner, Ricky Martin,

[15:08] and Billy Crystal will join us. Uncle

[15:10] Frank, I want to say happy birthday,

[15:13] Uncle Frank. It is Uncle Frank's

[15:15] birthday. He's uh what? 72 years old,

[15:17] right?

[15:17] >> 73.

[15:18] >> Oh, 73 years old. I'm getting old. I'm

[15:20] forgetting, too. Congratulations, Uncle

[15:22] Frank. Our first guest tonight has

[15:24] performed with all the greats, with

[15:26] Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Bob Hope,

[15:28] Johnny Carson, and tonight he will

[15:30] perform with some of the not so greats.

[15:31] He is one of the funniest men who ever

[15:33] lived. He will be honored by the comedy

[15:35] festival in Las Vegas on Wednesday with

[15:37] their first ever Caesar's Palace Laurel.

[15:39] Please welcome Mr. Warmth, Don Rickles.

[16:22] Well, look at that. Rarely does anyone

[16:24] get a standing ovation on this show.

[16:26] Okay, that's it for me.

[16:29] >> Hey kids and you and and youngsters and

[16:31] elders, thanks so much and I really mean

[16:33] this. This is a real mercy mission, but

[16:35] I appreciate

[16:37] >> Nice to see you.

[16:38] >> It's good to see you.

[16:38] >> Hey, what happened to you? YOU WERE SO

[16:40] GREAT ON SPORTS. WHY THE HELL DID YOU

[16:42] LEAVE THAT? I remember you used to be

[16:43] the Redskins 41, the Rams 7. I USED TO

[16:46] WATCH ON SPORTS AND THEN ALL of a sudden

[16:47] they gave you a tie and a jacket. You

[16:49] skyrocketed. I don't understand it.

[16:50] >> I don't know what happened either.

[16:52] >> No, I I and when I first saw you What?

[16:55] I'm over here. The guy in the band's

[16:57] gone.

[17:00] >> This is a show, not an airport show.

[17:03] One guy, the announcer. What's your

[17:04] name?

[17:05] >> My name's Dicki.

[17:07] >> I'll tell you this. He said it like it's

[17:09] going to be a standing ovation.

[17:12] >> The Japanese kid's laughing. Three years

[17:14] in the jungle looking for your uncle.

[17:20] >> NO. HEY. HEY. YOU YOUNG PEOPLE DON'T

[17:23] KNOW. TWO YEAR. THREE YEARS. TWO YEARS I

[17:24] WAS IN THE PHILIPPINES. BOOM BOOM

[17:26] WALKING AROUND SAID I DO JOKES AND THEY

[17:28] KEPT SAYING KEEP FIRING

[17:30] AND YOUR FATHER kept saying, "Oh, what

[17:32] are you doing?" Anyway,

[17:34] so God bless you. Be proud. We need your

[17:36] people.

[17:39] Listen, I must tell you, when I first

[17:42] met you, I I never met you.

[17:44] >> No, we've never met. Yeah.

[17:46] >> Thank God. Anyway, no. And and I say

[17:49] this from my heart. you and your your

[17:51] show has skyrocketed and you become very

[17:53] successful and I'm happy for you. I

[17:54] thank you.

[17:59] >> Now you can talk.

[18:00] >> Oh, okay. All right. I thought then you

[18:02] would end by saying something terrible

[18:04] because I never know you know you set it

[18:06] up so that it seems nice. Like I thought

[18:08] for instance you were going to comp

[18:09] compliment Toshi on being Japanese but

[18:11] it turned out no.

[18:14] >> Well we have no I eat the sushi. I eat

[18:16] that fish and then you get the runs and

[18:18] die. Anyway,

[18:20] >> I really do appreciate you coming. We

[18:21] back.

[18:21] >> I said the runs and the Mexican guy

[18:22] went.

[18:25] >> It's a big day for him.

[18:26] >> By the way, I got to tell you, Frank's

[18:27] your uncle. God bless you, Frank. Frank

[18:30] saw my show in Vegas. This is the truth,

[18:31] ladies. And he came backstage and he

[18:33] said, "You know, Don, you were great.

[18:34] I'm going to call Why don't you call up

[18:36] and maybe you'll get the job. CALL UP

[18:38] THE SHOW. FRANK, I DID WHAT YOU SAID AND

[18:40] NOW I got the job. I can't thank you

[18:42] enough, Frank. Frank, you're a moron."

[18:44] Okay.

[18:46] >> He really did.

[18:48] >> I swear to God, guys. THAT'S WHAT HE

[18:49] SAID. CALL UP YOUR BOAT. Frank was Frank

[18:51] used to be with Sinatra. You know, he's

[18:52] one of those stand back guys. You know,

[18:54] FRANK WOULD WALK OUT OF STAND BACK. AND

[18:55] THERE WAS NOBODY THERE. STAND BACK.

[18:58] >> Did you travel with security? Heavy

[19:00] security like Sinatra.

[19:01] >> No, I had one Jew in front of me going,

[19:03] I think it's okay.

[19:06] No, I had Tony O and I and I had and I

[19:09] had good people always hanging around.

[19:10] You know, in those days in Vegas, you

[19:13] don't know. But in those days, it was

[19:14] always a guy going, "Don't worry, Mr.

[19:16] Rickles. We'll take care of you." And

[19:17] there was always guys, good people.

[19:19] Vegas is different today. In those days

[19:21] guys, there was one guy you answer and

[19:22] say, "I want to have a party." Guys,

[19:23] don't worry, Don. I'll take care of it.

[19:25] Today, it's four guys stamp for coffee.

[19:27] Boom, boom, boom. A drink. Boom, boom,

[19:28] boom, boom. What's your name? Where do

[19:30] you come from? Boom. And you know, and

[19:31] it's like that, you know,

[19:32] >> you got a card with points and people

[19:34] have their cards in the

[19:35] >> way you jumped in with that. That was

[19:36] good.

[19:38] >> It saved the whole story. That was good.

[19:43] I I can't thank you enough.

[19:45] This is a treat for me to be on a show

[19:47] that's going nowhere. I swear to God.

[19:51] >> I feel the same way.

[19:54] >> You Hey, I'M MAKING JOKES. 12:00 AT

[19:56] NIGHT, I TURN THIS on and when that

[19:58] don't go on, I know there's a storm. But

[20:00] anyway, all right.

[20:02] >> Hey, snap out of it. I laughed at you

[20:03] for crying out.

[20:04] >> Let me tell you something.

[20:05] >> What's his name? That's the leader,

[20:06] right?

[20:06] >> Cleo and his dad. Two Cletos, actually.

[20:09] >> Your dad, right? You worked with me.

[20:10] >> I sure did. I have a photograph. Wait,

[20:12] I'm talking to the guy.

[20:15] Where did we work, my dear friend?

[20:16] >> At the first time at the Sahara in Lake

[20:18] Tahoe and then Sahara in Las Vegas.

[20:20] >> God bless. And that's your son.

[20:21] >> It sure is.

[20:22] >> God bless. You're doing so well.

[20:24] >> Thank you, sir.

[20:27] >> Be proud of your dad. They're around one

[20:29] time, son. Really? I mean, I'm very

[20:30] proud.

[20:31] >> And And what does your son hang out by

[20:33] the border? By the fence?

[20:34] >> How did you know?

[20:38] >> I play that saxophone.

[20:41] >> Look at that. That's a What year do you

[20:43] think this was? Cleto, what year is

[20:44] this?

[20:45] >> That's 1965. It's Sahara.

[20:47] >> 19. There's There's Well, there he is

[20:48] right there as Cle. Isn't that great?

[20:50] >> That's you right there. God bless you.

[20:52] >> How about that? Wow. You remember that

[20:53] at all?

[20:54] >> Oh, like it was Tuesday.

[20:58] >> Do I remember that? It's like, you know,

[21:00] when he said that, Dad, when he said

[21:01] that to me, do you remember? I worked

[21:03] Las Vegas all around the country and I

[21:06] was in the Navy and it's Veterans Day,

[21:07] so I'm proud. So, my fellow Navy

[21:09] servicemen, there you go.

[21:12] And I was in World War II and I kept

[21:14] saying I do special services said keep

[21:15] firing, keep firing. Anyway, and I was

[21:17] on a PT tender in the World War II but

[21:18] that's long in the Philippines and

[21:20] everybody said the and the Japanese came

[21:22] out of the jungle and said where are you

[21:23] Drew? Anyway, so uh

[21:26] hey that's one of my best jokes. Snap

[21:28] out of it now.

[21:30] So now I'm talking about the

[21:32] Philippines. I lost my thought. Oh yeah.

[21:34] So now I meet these guys, you know, that

[21:36] come backstage and it's the truth. They

[21:38] come back and they go, "Hi, Don. Ameni.

[21:41] Remember on the ship together, remember

[21:42] that night when you said to that broad,

[21:43] we want to make love and you had a blue

[21:45] tie on. You remember that?" They're

[21:47] talking 60 years ago. You know, I

[21:48] thought and to make them feel good. I

[21:50] go, "Yeah, I remember." And I go, "You

[21:52] son of a bitch." Never forgets. Never

[21:54] forget.

[21:55] >> Well, they remember. I'll remember this

[21:58] tomorrow. This will be just a dis. It

[22:00] won't even be a memory for you.

[22:01] >> All right. Now, you're you're something

[22:02] else. You know why, Jimmy? came from the

[22:04] world of sports and and I really watched

[22:06] in those days. Al Michaels is a good

[22:09] friend of mine and Al always talks about

[22:10] you and I did and I'm a big sports fan.

[22:12] You know, I'm a Dodger fan and what have

[22:14] you in football and I watch Do you bet

[22:16] on the games? Do you

[22:17] >> No, no. I You know what? I've been in

[22:19] Vegas 40 years. I have never gambled a

[22:22] penny. And they said, you know, you

[22:24] can't get a job if you if you don't

[22:26] gamble. And I put in a slot machine once

[22:28] a quarter and I get nervous. I never

[22:30] gamble. I never gamble. It's in a book

[22:31] that I'm writing. And you know what? And

[22:32] I I say to you, Dad, and and guys in the

[22:34] band, because the Japanese guy, snap out

[22:36] of it, huh?

[22:39] I'm starting to talk. He's going, "Oh,

[22:40] >> he's thinking about his uncle right

[22:42] now."

[22:42] >> COME ON. WAR'S OVER. NO TROUBLE.

[22:47] 60 years ago, it's Veterans Day. Forget

[22:49] about it.

[22:51] I know. Later he's going to come back.

[22:52] Okay, Joe, let me hear that again.

[22:55] >> So, anyway, what was I saying?

[22:57] >> I don't know. Let's take a break and

[22:58] we'll pick it back up because um we got

[23:00] it. We have to take a break. But

[23:01] >> you're so glib. You can see that. You

[23:03] see how smooth I am? Don Riddles is here

[23:05] with us. We'll be right back with more.

[23:07] We'll be right back after this.

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[25:55] >> I come seeking justice for my daughter,

[25:57] Angelina. The video store she went to.

[26:00] >> They didn't have the movies I want.

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[26:26] >> Jimmy, I spoke to the family. You're

[26:28] doing well.

[26:32] >> You're doing well. Jimmy spoke to the

[26:34] wife. She's leaving you.

[26:39] Let it out, Austin. Let it ride off.

[26:46] Mopy dick. Water comes out of his navl.

[26:54] Those are the days, right? And we still

[26:56] look great. We really do. Those are the

[26:59] days of the fire. And those nowadays

[27:01] they have these these roasts and uh what

[27:03] they do on the roast is they gather a

[27:04] bunch of people who don't necessarily

[27:05] know the person being roasted and then

[27:07] you just say terrible things about that

[27:09] person. But in when you do these roasts,

[27:11] you really you guys were really friends.

[27:13] >> Well, it's it's it's the tail of the

[27:15] tape. Times have changed and so it's

[27:17] very difficult to get all these great

[27:19] artists. You know, in my day, I was very

[27:21] for my day. It's still my day.

[27:22] Hopefully.

[27:22] >> It is. Yeah.

[27:24] >> Unfortunately,

[27:27] >> but in those days, you know, we had Dean

[27:29] and Frank and Sammy and all those guys

[27:31] and and Austin Wells are magic stars and

[27:33] Jean Kelly and and and it was a is a

[27:36] ballpark. Today, it's hard to find young

[27:38] people to make fun of and and some of

[27:40] the some of the kids that they they

[27:42] don't get it because they don't know the

[27:43] person they're making fun of. So they

[27:45] try to make the roast and I wish them

[27:46] best cuz the fries is a great

[27:47] organization and Freddy Roman and the

[27:50] those people in New York and I never get

[27:51] there but they really work hard to make

[27:53] it successful and it's a camaraderie

[27:54] thing. So I wish them the best.

[27:56] >> I've done some of those and they're

[27:57] they're a lot of fun but it always seems

[27:58] a little weird to sit there and just

[28:00] annihilate someone that you've never met

[28:02] before.

[28:02] >> Yeah. Well that that happens like I'm

[28:04] sitting here with you and I don't like

[28:05] you

[28:08] >> right. Like yeah that's a good example.

[28:11] Well, sure you got to know the guy and

[28:13] we've only met once. She came in the

[28:14] dress room, said hello, which I thought

[28:15] was annoying, but uh but yet Jimmy,

[28:19] that's that's the idea to not to be and

[28:22] I say to the young people and and I

[28:24] don't like to sit in judgment, but not

[28:25] to be mean-spirited. It was so much fun

[28:27] in the days of the roast with Dean and

[28:29] Frank rest their souls because we had

[28:31] fun and it was never mean-spirited. It

[28:33] was never hitting below the belt. You

[28:34] know what I'm saying?

[28:35] >> You guys did have a lot of fun. Why

[28:36] weren't you part of the rat pack? Were

[28:38] you technically part of the rat pack?

[28:40] >> I was, but I was too big.

[28:41] >> Uhhuh.

[28:44] Frank used to run after my car. Don,

[28:46] wait up. I hated that, you know. No, I I

[28:49] I was very delighted to be part of the

[28:51] rat pack. When you say the rat, they had

[28:52] a thing folks at like at 5 in the

[28:55] evening. I did three shows a night in

[28:57] the lounge in those days. Wow. 12, two,

[28:59] and 5 in the morning. Can you imagine?

[29:00] Wow. With a breakfast with people going,

[29:02] "Hey, June, make me laugh."

[29:05] >> Wow.

[29:06] >> And I did that. And uh then every night

[29:08] Frank at 5:00 would invite rest so would

[29:11] invite all of us to the steam room at

[29:12] the Sands and he gave out bathroes and

[29:14] my bathrobe was the Rhino for some

[29:16] reason. He gave me the Rhino and my

[29:18] nickname was Bullet Head. He thought

[29:21] that was funny. He got on my nerves. But

[29:22] you know, but how you going to tell

[29:24] Frank you're getting on my nerves? Cuz

[29:25] he could hurt my family. Anyway, to this

[29:28] day I made a joke I didn't like and I

[29:30] got an uncle like this. Anyway, so no,

[29:32] that's funny. You know that's funny. The

[29:34] woman in the white halter. You're not

[29:36] laughing. You have a loss in the family.

[29:38] Anyway, I'm swinging nice. And there's

[29:41] one woman going.

[29:44] Must be a Nazi broad. I

[29:46] >> probably She's probably a member of the

[29:48] Nazi.

[29:48] >> I spotted you. You get on my nerves.

[29:49] You're pretty, but you're sping a sting.

[29:52] >> I WAS DOING GREAT TILL I LOOKED AT HER.

[29:54] >> YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LOOKED AT HER.

[29:55] >> NO, BUT it's probably your girlfriend.

[29:56] Sarah Silver.

[29:57] >> It's not her. That is not her. No. No.

[29:59] >> Sarah Silver is your girlfriend.

[30:00] >> Yeah, that's right.

[30:01] >> You're not married?

[30:02] >> No, we're not married.

[30:02] >> And you live together? Uh, no. We don't

[30:04] live together.

[30:05] >> Don't lie to me, Jimmy. Don't lie to me.

[30:07] Nothing wrong. In my day, see, now they

[30:09] say the new thing. Uh, are you married?

[30:11] No. I live We've been together now 12

[30:13] years and we're married four. That's the

[30:15] new thing. You know, I don't In my day,

[30:17] if you did that, the father said,

[30:18] "Fine."

[30:20] And turned on gas and you die. You know

[30:22] what I'm saying?

[30:23] >> But it's the new world now with you

[30:24] young people. You know, I would love to

[30:26] meet Sarah. Are you Are you still

[30:27] together?

[30:28] >> Yes, we are.

[30:28] >> She's Jewish.

[30:29] >> Yeah, she is.

[30:29] >> And you're Italian?

[30:30] >> I'm Italian.

[30:31] >> And you're Catholic?

[30:31] >> Yeah, I'm Catholic.

[30:32] >> She's Jewish.

[30:34] I guess the family's thrilled.

[30:38] >> The family is fine with it. Yeah,

[30:40] >> they're fine with it. Her family's all

[30:42] right with it, too. Good. Her sister is

[30:43] a rabbi.

[30:44] >> Really? Oh, his hat's going to spin when

[30:46] you get married.

[30:49] >> No, I wish you luck. I hear she's a

[30:50] lovely girl and very talented and very

[30:52] funny.

[30:52] >> Well, thank you. There you go.

[30:53] >> You don't have to thank me. I What do I

[30:54] I don't win anything, you know.

[30:57] >> How much longer, Jimmy? How much longer?

[30:58] >> How much longer?

[30:59] >> You're friends. I know that uh Bob New

[31:02] Hart is Is he your best friend? Is he

[31:04] one of your best friends?

[31:05] >> That that'll show you how lonely I am.

[31:07] >> Uh Bob and I are great friends. We are

[31:10] apples and oranges. His comedy is so

[31:12] great. And it's brain comedy.

[31:14] >> He is great.

[31:14] >> He is magnificent.

[31:15] >> Well, you're very different. Yeah.

[31:16] >> And we love each other. But yet when

[31:18] we're alone, we laugh at the same

[31:20] things, have the same values, and we

[31:22] enjoy life together. And I swear to God,

[31:24] when I'm with Bob, you know, the the

[31:26] relationship is the odd couple. We'll be

[31:28] in Europe and some we were in Europe and

[31:30] like in Germany and I'd say Bob I want

[31:32] to talk don't don't don't don't do

[31:34] anything don't don't start in I go

[31:37] and he go don't do that D that's trouble

[31:41] you know and then we'd walk down the

[31:42] street I go this is a wonderful TOWN

[31:48] and Newart god bless that's not funny we

[31:51] we don't need that funny but we love

[31:53] each other and I love him and say love

[31:55] you know he's Midwest I'm a hugger and I

[31:58] give guys kisses. That doesn't mean I'm

[31:59] gay. Which is fine if you're gay. Not

[32:01] sure what to do, you know. But I I have

[32:03] nothing against that. But I would kiss

[32:05] Bob and his shoulders would tighten. He

[32:06] go, "What are you doing?" I said, "I

[32:08] love you, babe." You know, but he didn't

[32:09] know that. But today he knows and his

[32:11] wife Jyn Well, she taught him, you know.

[32:13] Yeah. And and my wife and my wife my

[32:15] wife is not a hugger, but I am. But it

[32:17] works out pretty good. 41 years. Not

[32:19] bad.

[32:19] >> Yeah. Not bad at all. 41 years. And

[32:21] you've been together for 51.

[32:25] Jimmy said Jimmy said a fight. We've

[32:26] been together 50. That was funny, Jimmy.

[32:32] >> Jimmy got off A RIPPER. HOW ABOUT THAT?

[32:35] >> You were right now. You were writing

[32:37] your memoirs, I understand.

[32:38] >> Yes. Uh Simon and Schustster were kind

[32:40] enough to David Rosenthal came to me

[32:42] with David Ritz who collaborated with me

[32:45] on this book and it's called Rickles

[32:47] Book and that's it. And it's not my

[32:50] life. It's not like the kid always side.

[32:52] I played the violin and my brother had

[32:53] cancer. my father died. It's nothing

[32:56] like that. It's memoirs of great

[32:57] moments. This is one of the great

[32:58] moments.

[32:59] >> Is it Will this be in the book?

[33:00] >> And if this is in the book, I'm going to

[33:01] kill myself.

[33:04] >> That'll be a good ending to the book.

[33:06] >> He showed up on the Kimmel Show and

[33:08] >> No, this is a joy. I I I thought I'd be

[33:10] very unhappy. And so far now I'm shaky,

[33:12] but it's pretty good.

[33:14] >> And then there's

[33:16] a documentary being made about you.

[33:18] >> Yes. My son Larry Rickles and John

[33:20] Landis, a wonderful director. Great.

[33:22] directed me in uh in a picture called

[33:25] Innocent Blood. Don't see it. Believe

[33:26] me, it's if if you're making love to the

[33:28] wife, it's a good nightlight. Anyway, uh

[33:34] >> you hang out with Regis as well. Regis

[33:36] is a good friend. Regis is the kind of

[33:38] GUY THAT GOES, "HEY, I'M REGIS FILMAN.

[33:40] HE'S THE MOST HUMBLE, loud guy I ever

[33:42] met in my life."

[33:44] >> Well, I love him dearly. He's he's

[33:46] special. And Regis and I go back 45

[33:48] years when he had a radio show in San

[33:50] Diego and then when he came to LA. And

[33:52] today he makes $40 million and worries

[33:54] about the check.

[33:55] >> But uh No, but he's great. I make That's

[33:58] a joke. Regus, if you watch it, he don't

[33:59] watch this. He He's He's at home saying

[34:01] to the wife, "How's my back hand? How's

[34:03] my

[34:05] He's a tennis freak. How's my back

[34:07] hand?"

[34:08] >> You are beloved by all, young and old.

[34:09] And that is true. I don't just say that.

[34:11] But do you You're being honored uh by

[34:13] the Las Vegas, the comedy festival that

[34:15] they have there in Las Vegas at Caesar's

[34:17] Palace. You will receive the first ever

[34:20] Laurel Award. What is the Laurel Award?

[34:22] And are you excited about that?

[34:29] >> The applause sign went on.

[34:31] >> It went off now.

[34:32] >> No, you know,

[34:36] just

[34:37] >> that's another one. Jim, you got in a

[34:38] good one, baby.

[34:39] >> I'm trying.

[34:40] >> God bless you, babe. Don't lay back.

[34:42] You're the host here. Get one of those

[34:43] shots in, boy, because later on when we

[34:46] go out to eat, you're going to pay for

[34:47] that.

[34:47] >> That's right.

[34:48] >> No, Jimmy. No, you know, it's nice. They

[34:50] they they've asked me and I've I've been

[34:52] I've been humbled by awards and you know

[34:55] I'm I'm I've always been the the late

[34:57] runner. I my career has always been

[34:59] different and and

[35:01] that always worried me but being

[35:03] different I say to young people got me

[35:05] where I am today and thank God that's

[35:07] successful but it's a tough road and so

[35:09] when they honor me uh I am very

[35:12] delighted and very pleased. Good. They

[35:14] they make me feel good because when you

[35:16] do what I do, the humor I do, they call

[35:18] me the insult guy. As you young people

[35:20] in see me tonight, it it's really not

[35:23] that. It's it's I'm never mean-spirited

[35:25] and it's exaggeration. I exaggerate life

[35:28] and make fun of ourselves as I make fun

[35:30] of you, you know.

[35:30] >> Thank you. No, but you should be proud

[35:34] because if I didn't like you, I wouldn't

[35:35] make fun of you. But as I look at you

[35:36] now, you got to get a nose job.

[35:40] >> I'm going to do that. Don Rickles

[35:42] everybody. You will see the very first

[35:45] season on Wednesday at the Comedy

[35:48] Festival in Las Vegas if you're lucky

[35:50] enough to be there. We'll be right back

[35:52] with Nick and Aaron Carter. Will you

[35:53] stick around? And Don will be right

[35:55] back.

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[39:33] There it is. Don here with us tonight.

[39:37] Good time, right? Uncle Frank is running

[39:39] around like a mad man. GMO's got half

[39:41] his clothes off right now.

[39:43] >> Well, Don, I know you're big fans of our

[39:45] next guest, so I will go ahead and

[39:46] introduce

[39:48] uh these I am. I am. These guys and

[39:50] their three sisters are the stars of a

[39:52] new reality show where they're forced to

[39:53] live together in one house without

[39:54] killing each other. Pretty much like

[39:56] every family. Only this one has no

[39:58] parents, two pop stars, and a bunch of

[40:00] cameras. From House of Carters on E.

[40:01] Please say hello to Nick and Aaron.

[40:25] What's happening? How are you?

[40:27] >> Oh, okay. Good.

[40:28] >> Well, welcome to the show.

[40:38] >> IT'S MY NEW BEST FRIEND. It's my new

[40:39] best friend.

[40:40] >> Is this your first time meeting Don

[40:42] Rickles?

[40:42] >> Yes. We've seen you all over though for

[40:45] many years.

[40:45] >> We're good friends actually. See that?

[40:47] Even the kids.

[40:48] >> Get back to them. Huh?

[40:51] >> He doesn't. We don't want to get roasted

[40:52] right yet.

[40:52] >> There have been people There have been

[40:54] female fans waiting for you since last

[40:56] night. They've been camped out in the

[40:58] alley here.

[41:00] >> Good luck. It's great to see you.

[41:02] >> They're for you.

[41:03] >> Yeah. No, they're not here for me.

[41:04] They're definitely here for you. Now,

[41:06] you guys, uh, it doesn't seem from the

[41:08] show like you guys get along that well.

[41:13] >> No, we do. No, I love him. And you know,

[41:15] I had to say something.

[41:16] >> I was wrong about that fight. I love

[41:18] you. I'm sorry.

[41:19] >> Well, can can I say something though? I

[41:23] don't think you were wrong because if

[41:25] he's blasting the music,

[41:27] >> you shouldn't be blasting the music.

[41:29] >> It was It was the the way I went about

[41:31] it went about.

[41:32] >> Well, yeah. Maybe you shouldn't have

[41:33] beaten him with the cameras there, but

[41:35] >> I closed the door.

[41:36] >> You know what? I like music. Shut up.

[41:39] Who's living in the house with you? You

[41:41] guys, your sisters are there. And and

[41:44] what's the like what's the story? How

[41:46] did this come about?

[41:47] >> Well, basically what happened was um you

[41:49] know I was coming out to LA to to do a

[41:52] backtory boy record to do some recording

[41:54] >> and uh my brother had just turned 18 and

[41:56] his little sister well my sister too uh

[41:59] twins. They they all moved out here and

[42:01] >> she's older by a minute.

[42:03] >> By a minute twins. basically everybody

[42:04] was out here and I kind of felt like I

[42:06] didn't want them to to get in trouble

[42:08] the Hollywood lifestyle, you know, and

[42:10] kind of made me want to try to give I

[42:12] mean, look, I'm not the best influence

[42:14] necessarily, but you know, I could do a

[42:15] lot better than some of these people

[42:16] out.

[42:16] >> So, to keep them out of the Hollywood

[42:18] lifestyle, you had cameras come into the

[42:22] >> you know, there's a lot there was a lot

[42:24] of issues that our family had gone

[42:25] through. make any sense?

[42:27] >> Our our family had gone through through

[42:29] many years of just being in this

[42:30] industry and and this gave me an

[42:32] opportunity to

[42:32] >> this guy over here.

[42:35] >> This gave us an opportunity to just hash

[42:37] things out and and also too, it's kind

[42:38] of like a a documentary of our life.

[42:40] >> But you feel like you have to be kind of

[42:41] the disciplinarian in the house because

[42:43] you're the the big brother. All what I'm

[42:45] trying to do is just to I I was learning

[42:47] things too in the house myself, you

[42:49] know, with them and and getting back

[42:50] with them and just um you know, trying

[42:52] to do the best that I can and that's all

[42:54] I could do. You know, we I I realized

[42:56] that all the problems that I've been

[42:58] going through myself and my brother and

[42:59] everything stemmed from our family and

[43:02] uh now this gave us an opportunity to

[43:03] kind of go back and just, you know,

[43:05] retrace our footsteps and kind of find

[43:06] out what went wrong. You know what I'm

[43:08] Speaking of retracing your footsteps, um

[43:10] I have a list of some of the women that

[43:12] the two of you have dated.

[43:15] >> And you know what we're going to do?

[43:15] We're going to take let's take a break

[43:16] and we'll come back and uh we'll talk to

[43:19] we'll talk to Nick and Aaron. We'll talk

[43:21] to Don and the Carter here. Don Rickles

[43:24] is here. Nick and Eric Carter. The house

[43:25] of Carter

[43:28] back to go through the list. Come on

[43:30] back.

[43:39] Motion capture take one.

[43:41] >> Ready and action king. Action.

[43:46] >> What's up?

[43:47] >> What's up with the tree?

[43:55] >> The king's pain is your game.

[43:58] >> He's all right. He's all right.

[44:00] >> Sneak King. One of three new Xbox games.

[44:02] Rated E for everyone. $3.99 when you buy

[44:05] any value meal. Only at Burger King.

[44:25] Stunning video, MP3 sound, broadband

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[44:33] device. The new Blackjack,

[44:37] only from Singular.

[44:39] When you take that field today, you've

[44:41] got a layer heart on the line. And if

[44:43] you do that, we cannot lose.

[44:46] The plane crash is our past. We cannot

[44:49] forget that.

[44:51] >> We're not honoring them.

[44:53] >> We're disgracing them. This is where we

[44:55] have come from.

[44:57] >> THIS IS how we got here. This is who we

[45:00] are today.

[45:02] >> We are

[45:04] We are Marshall. Rated PG. Starts

[45:07] Friday, December 22nd. TV's biggest new

[45:10] game show has America sh like clock on

[45:14] fire and has one man with $1 million

[45:17] prayer.

[45:17] >> SHOW ME THE MONEY.

[45:19] >> All new Show Me the Money Wednesday 87

[45:22] central only on ABC.

[45:25] >> It's another first from the Luna. Catch

[45:27] this. Nothing down and no payments for a

[45:30] whole year for state-of-the-art lasic

[45:32] vision correction. Enjoy your holidays

[45:34] for the first time without glasses or

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[45:52] credit approval restrictions apply.

[45:55] >> Everyone says shop now, pay later. Why

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[46:03] Outlet is out to make your holiday

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[46:26] >> Who's the man? I got me some cash.

[46:31] We came to Northwest Title Loans to get

[46:33] fast cash for our vacation for an

[46:35] unexpected bill

[46:36] >> to get cash back in my pocket.

[46:37] >> And it only took about 15 minutes

[46:39] >> and all I needed was a clean and clear

[46:41] car title plus a valid ID.

[46:42] >> There was no hassle and no credit check.

[46:44] >> They wanted our business and I still

[46:47] have my car.

[46:48] >> Northwest Title Loans

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[46:53] payment for 60 days.

[46:59] All

[47:01] right,

[47:02] here we're back with Don Winkles and

[47:04] Nick and Aaron Carter from the House of

[47:06] Carters. Let's go through the list,

[47:08] folks. I'm going to name a woman and by

[47:10] a show of hands, tell me which one of

[47:12] you dated her. All right.

[47:14] Lindsay Lohan.

[47:16] All right. Ashley Simpson.

[47:20] >> I didn't date her.

[47:21] >> All right.

[47:22] >> But it was true.

[47:23] >> Really? Hillary Duff. I DATED HER.

[47:29] WILL a Ford of Dancing with the Stars.

[47:32] >> All right, that'll be Nick Hulk Hogan's

[47:34] daughter, Brook Hogan. Well, that's

[47:35] taking your life in your hands, dude.

[47:36] >> He did. You know what? It was It was It

[47:39] was actually a lot of fun.

[47:40] >> I'm sure Harry's very cool. She loved

[47:42] me.

[47:42] >> The whole All right. Uh Deborah Lefave,

[47:44] the teacher who allegedly had

[47:47] >> That is a crazy thing. That's a crazy

[47:50] thing.

[47:50] >> That was my first girlfriend.

[47:52] >> Wow.

[47:53] >> I remember.

[47:53] >> Have you spoken to her recently?

[47:55] >> No.

[47:55] >> Really? I'm afraid maybe you should have

[47:58] it

[47:58] >> cuz my son is looking for a tutor.

[48:02] I

[48:02] >> I'm looking for a tutor.

[48:04] >> Miss Team USA could be Aaron.

[48:07] >> Angie Dickinson.

[48:10] >> I just threw that one in.

[48:13] >> I had to think for a second.

[48:14] >> Angie could be their mother.

[48:17] >> Nick and Aaron Carter. The show is

[48:19] called The House of Parters. Monday

[48:20] nights tonight on Don Rickles is here.

[48:23] We'll be right back with music from the

[48:25] hold steady.

[48:33] Clear blue skies,

[48:36] the breeze on my skin,

[48:40] the notion of being so small.

[48:45] Take pleasure in the little things.

[48:49] Estee Lauder Pleasures.

[48:53] >> Have it all. Incredible makeup, colors,

[48:55] brushes, and more in an elegant train

[48:57] case. Just 47.50 with any Esteee Lauder

[48:59] fragrance purchase. Now at Macy's. Way

[49:01] to shop.

[49:03] >> It lives in the walls.

[49:05] It's here to do God's work.

[49:08] >> THIS IS NOT WHAT GOD WANTS.

[49:10] >> NOW IT'S ON DVD. Starring Cain. See no

[49:14] evil.

[49:16] Own it tomorrow. Afraid you show your

[49:19] face? Not me. Finally, a breakthrough

[49:21] solution for red, irritated skin. A Veno

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[49:26] feverfue. Proven to reduce redness fast.

[49:28] When you've got healthy, beautiful skin,

[49:30] you're not afraid to show it.

[49:31] >> Aino Ultra Calming.

[49:48] Ode to the fresh toasted chicken and

[49:50] bacon ranch. Tender chicken, smoky

[49:52] bacon, melted Monterey cheddar, creamy

[49:55] ranch. In the quiz show where hunger's

[49:57] the million-dollar question. This is the

[49:59] sizzling hot answer. Subway. Eat fresh.

[50:03] >> Finally, a vacation in the Alps.

[50:06] >> Dad, we're not really in the Alps.

[50:08] >> Well, my credit card miles expired, but

[50:10] a virtual trip is still fun, huh?

[50:12] Where's mom?

[50:14] >> Oh, Armando. Teach me TO DANCE.

[50:16] >> HEY, THAT IS MY WIFE.

[50:21] >> You should switch to Capital One.

[50:23] >> Get Capital 1's no hassle rewards with

[50:25] no miles expiration, no earn caps, AND

[50:27] NO BLACKOUT DATES.

[50:28] >> OH, I'M RUSTING THE AMAZON.

[50:31] >> WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET?

[50:33] >> WEDNESDAY, two partners.

[50:35] >> I've done something terrible.

[50:36] >> Whose futures depend on each other's

[50:38] survival.

[50:39] >> It's over.

[50:40] >> Wednesday's number one new hit.

[50:42] >> How did they find me?

[50:43] >> All new Daybreak. Wednesday at 98

[50:45] central, only on ABC.

[50:48] >> I am Bob Lampir Jr. What brought you to

[50:50] Beaverton Chrysler? I was sick of my SUV

[50:53] and I wanted to buy a car that could

[50:54] give me another gas mile. Were you

[50:56] completely satisfied with your purchase

[50:57] of Beaverton Chrysler?

[50:58] >> It was fabulous. I really like the

[51:00] caliber and everybody treated me great.

[51:02] For 36 years, it's been our family's

[51:04] privilege to serve your family's

[51:05] automotive needs on Canyon Road in

[51:07] Beaverton. And remember, if it isn't the

[51:09] best used car you've ever owned, just

[51:11] bring it back to Beaverton Chrysler

[51:13] Dodge. very satisfied. I love my car and

[51:15] I love the people. I loved the process.

[51:17] It was great. I'd come back. Consider,

[51:20] if you will, the sole survivor of a

[51:22] global nuclear war. This particular man

[51:24] has only one thing on his mind. He's

[51:26] >> still here. Over 30,000 videos and

[51:29] 30,000 DVDs read. They're all mine.

[51:36] No.

[51:37] >> Sometimes the best laid plans of mice

[51:39] and men don't go as planned for years.

[51:41] You still have a chance to take a

[51:42] journey into a wondrous land whose

[51:44] boundaries are that of the imagination.

[51:46] Your next stop, movie madness.

[51:51] Well, their last album was on more than

[51:53] 30 best album of the year list. This is

[51:55] their latest called Boys and Girls in

[51:57] America with the song Chips Ahoy from

[51:59] Brooklyn, New York. The Hold Steady.

[52:09] to put $900

[52:12] on the fifth horse and the six brakes. I

[52:15] think this game

[52:20] came out six months ahead. Spent the

[52:23] whole next weekend

[52:30] from some other boy.

[52:45] I got a girl and she don't have to work

[52:48] as she can tell which horse is going to

[52:50] finish.

[52:51] Sometimes the pain killers make them

[52:54] think even worse.

[52:57] I came on six legs ahead

[53:00] next weekend high.

[53:03] I love this girl but I can't tell her

[53:05] she's having a good time. Yeah. Heat.

[53:19] Heat. Heat.

[53:38] Hot sauce.

[53:49] She is my brain, so she doesn't too

[53:52] much.

[53:57] Yeah, she always does it too much.

[54:17] Heat. Heat.

[54:37] Heat. Heat.

[54:45] Tonight

[55:08] to buy the hold steady CD, Boys and

[55:11] Girls in America, go to jimmyive.net

[55:13] and click on the CD cover.

[55:17] >> Two out of every three Pontiacs sold

[55:19] have 200 horsepower or more. Two out of

[55:23] three get 30 highway miles per gallon or

[55:26] better.

[55:27] They all come with the best coverage in

[55:29] America.

[55:31] And this holiday season, we tag each one

[55:34] in red.

[55:35] And the price on that tag is the price

[55:38] you'll pay.

[55:39] Google Pontiac and check it out for

[55:41] yourself.

[55:42] The Pontiac red tag event. See some red,

[55:45] save some green.

[55:48] >> What's up with the tree?

[55:52] >> The King's Pain is your game.

[55:55] >> Sneak King for Xbox. Rated everyone.

[55:58] 3.99 when you buy any value meal at BK.

[56:01] >> Everywhere you look, critics are raving

[56:03] about Clerks 2.

[56:05] >> Thank you. It's the funniest movie since

[56:07] Wedding Crashers. That sounds so made

[56:09] up. Four stars. Oh, it's hilarious. That

[56:12] was just wrong. Clerks 2. Only on DVD.

[56:15] Tuesday, rated R. Thursday, Grey's

[56:18] Anatomy takes on.

[56:19] >> You want to see what's behind this door?

[56:21] >> The case of a lifetime. Join adult

[56:23] twins. We can definitely do this. This

[56:26] isn't worth the risk. All new Grey's

[56:27] Anatomy Thursday 98 central, followed by

[56:30] many trees, only on ABC.

[56:34] >> This is more than a perfect smile.

[56:40] This is the first thing people see.

[56:44] This breaks the ice.

[56:50] This says it all without saying a word.

[56:55] This lights up a room.

[57:01] This shows confidence.

[57:05] This is a work of art.

[57:09] This is the work of an orthodontist.

[57:13] Orthodontists receive an additional 2 to

[57:15] three years of specialized education

[57:18] beyond dental school to learn the proper

[57:20] way to align and straighten teeth. To

[57:23] receive more information, visit

[57:25] braces.org or call 1800 straight. See

[57:29] more than a smile. See an orthodontist.

[57:33] Candy man.

[57:36] Oh yeah.

[57:39] He's a sweet sugar candy man.

[57:43] Sugar candy man.

[57:47] Oh yeah.

[57:49] >> Part MP3 player, part phone. Everybody

[57:53] loves chocolate. Now in mint, cherry,

[57:56] and white. Just $99.99.

[57:59] Exclusively from Verizon Wireless.

[58:02] It's another first from the Luna. Catch

[58:05] this. Nothing down and no payments for a

[58:08] whole year for state-of-the-art lasic

[58:10] vision correction. Enjoy your holidays

[58:12] for the first time without glasses or

[58:14] contacts. And best of all, you can have

[58:16] it today with nothing down and no

[58:18] payments for a whole year. Nothing down

[58:20] and no payments for a whole year. Only

[58:22] at the Luna Eye Centers. Call 1800505.

[58:26] Nothing down and no payments for a whole

[58:28] year. Limited time offer subject to

[58:30] credit approval restrictions apply.

[58:38] To stream off air performances and other

[58:40] Pontiac Garage videos, go to

[58:42] jimmykimmelive.net

[58:44] and click on the Pontiac Garage.

[59:10] stunning video, MP3 sound, broadband

[59:12] speed, internet, and email, all working

[59:15] flawlessly together in one ultra thin

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[59:25] It's time to feel free with new Chase

[59:28] Freedom.

[59:31] Feel free to choose points for rewards

[59:32] like travel

[59:36] >> or feel free to choose cash back.

[59:42] >> Then feel free to change back again

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[59:54] From this day forward, anti-aging skin

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[60:07] New Olay Definity on December 8th. Start

[60:10] your holiday.

[60:11] >> I can drive on the wrong side of the

[60:13] road.

[60:14] >> Okay. I hate this.

[60:15] >> And Diaz, Kate Winslett, Jude Law, Jack

[60:18] Black.

[60:19] >> Are you embarrassed?

[60:21] >> THE HOLIDAY. RATED PG-13.

[60:24] Every day, workers across America cover

[60:26] our good name with dirt, grease, and

[60:31] mud. And you know what? We're fine with

[60:34] that. Dickies, a legend in work.

[60:39] Owed to the fresh toasted chicken and

[60:41] bacon ranch. Tender chicken, smoky

[60:44] bacon, melted Monterey cheddar, creamy

[60:46] ranch. In the quiz show where hunger's

[60:48] the million-dollar question, this is the

[60:50] sizzling hot answer. Subway. Eat fresh.

[60:54] >> William Shatner hosts an all new Show Me

[60:57] the Money. ABC Wednesday.

[61:00] >> Everyone says, "Shop now, pay later."

[61:03] Why not pay much, much later? With our

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[61:20] our 200% guaranteed lowest price pledge.

[61:23] Hurry into Row Outlet for the holidays.

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