The Call to Awaken (Part 1)

Channel: Simply Always Awake

Transcript

Language: English (YouTube automatic captions)

[0:00] This morning's guided meditation started

[0:02] with an investigation of

[0:04] thought,

[0:06] the nature of thought.

[0:09] And I find that

[0:11] this

[0:13] um

[0:17] investigation and

[0:20] rectification

[0:22] of the

[0:23] relationship we have with thought

[0:26] is not just

[0:28] what triggers awakening or a first

[0:31] insight,

[0:33] but

[0:35] really

[0:37] ends up being the

[0:40] um

[0:42] the ongoing challenge of

[0:45] living realization, largely.

[0:48] There are other aspects to it,

[0:50] but

[0:52] even in deeper realization,

[0:55] non-dual realization,

[0:59] no-self realization,

[1:02] the stickiness of thoughts

[1:04] or the

[1:07] the relational

[1:09] nature

[1:11] that seems to appear around thoughts,

[1:14] uh

[1:15] is still is still the work

[1:17] that needs to be done most of the time.

[1:22] As

[1:23] the realization progresses or the

[1:26] unbinding

[1:28] um

[1:30] propagates,

[1:32] the thoughts become

[1:34] more

[1:36] subtle,

[1:38] less conceptual,

[1:41] uh

[1:42] but also a little more slippery.

[1:46] Also,

[1:48] perhaps more episodic

[1:51] or conditions-based.

[1:55] So,

[1:57] even though this will be about

[2:00] this first

[2:02] investigation

[2:04] into the nature of thought

[2:06] and our relationship with it

[2:08] and the feeling of being a thinker,

[2:11] it's not just for for people who are

[2:15] oriented to that first awakening to

[2:17] Kensho. It's really for anybody

[2:20] who wants to continue to clarify

[2:23] the insights,

[2:26] wants to

[2:31] live

[2:33] more moment-to-moment

[2:37] through freedom,

[2:44] through interconnectedness,

[2:48] through spontaneity,

[2:51] and peace.

[2:55] Freeing oneself more and more

[2:58] of those bindings.

[3:03] And ultimately,

[3:06] it is a binding of identity.

[3:09] Uh

[3:11] it's not just the presence of thoughts

[3:14] that causes the trouble.

[3:16] Not just the presence of a thought or a

[3:18] series of thoughts

[3:20] or a certain type of thoughts.

[3:22] It's the the feeling

[3:25] of

[3:27] those thoughts defining your experience,

[3:29] defining your reality,

[3:31] defining you.

[3:34] It's a feeling

[3:35] tone or

[3:38] a relational tendency

[3:40] that we have internally.

[3:43] And this is really fascinating when you

[3:45] see it in this

[3:47] sort of relational lens

[3:50] because

[3:53] I talked to people

[3:54] going through awakening

[3:56] for a lot of different reasons.

[3:58] Some who are working on that first

[4:01] insight.

[4:02] Others who are working through shadow

[4:04] work after the insight.

[4:06] Others who are

[4:08] uh working to clarify the subtle

[4:11] or dissolve the subtle perceptual

[4:14] filters.

[4:16] But one thing that comes up frequently

[4:19] in at all stages is relationship.

[4:23] And I mean like

[4:25] conventionally, like your romantic

[4:27] partner.

[4:28] Seems to come up a lot.

[4:30] Uh but also family

[4:33] relationships, your children, your

[4:35] parents, your sisters, brothers,

[4:37] co-workers,

[4:39] friends.

[4:41] And the relational motifs of these

[4:43] challenges

[4:45] are very consistent.

[4:48] And they're very intertwined with

[4:49] identity.

[4:51] And I

[4:53] would venture to say the vast majority

[4:55] of what

[4:56] binds us in these ways, what challenges

[4:59] us,

[5:00] what we get fixated in and get

[5:03] uh

[5:05] get ourselves into these

[5:07] cyclic

[5:08] challenges around relationship, it's

[5:10] actually internal.

[5:12] It's not It's not external. It's not

[5:14] about that other person.

[5:17] It's It's about perception.

[5:20] Largely.

[5:23] Um

[5:27] And the reason I

[5:29] believe believe this, the reason I know

[5:31] this is

[5:32] that I see when the perceptual

[5:37] fixation around that specific issue with

[5:39] that specific person in that situation,

[5:42] when it's seen through,

[5:44] all of a sudden

[5:45] it's it's like it's not even that the

[5:47] problem is solved. It's just that there

[5:49] there's no problem.

[5:50] Uh and and sometimes that does translate

[5:52] to

[5:54] behavioral, um,

[5:56] implications. So, like

[5:58] I need to do something to change the

[6:00] relationship or something changes about

[6:02] it or I need to communicate something or

[6:03] break it off or

[6:05] whatever it is. But, what I find is when

[6:08] the perceptual distortion is

[6:11] is dissolved or seen through, it's you

[6:14] just know what to do. It's very obvious

[6:16] and it's not weighed down by a bunch of

[6:19] s- self-doubt and analysis and judgment

[6:23] and second-guessing.

[6:25] So, that's why I say it's it's an

[6:27] internal process.

[6:29] And it's all

[6:31] um

[6:34] intertwined with identity.

[6:36] So,

[6:37] what I'm saying with all of that is

[6:40] if you want to understand the nature of

[6:43] the relative,

[6:45] you want to understand

[6:47] in- really deeply into it the nature of

[6:50] relationship,

[6:52] connection, human connection, all all of

[6:54] the things that we

[6:56] spend a lot of our relative energy and

[6:58] time and, um,

[7:02] effort

[7:03] working with,

[7:05] then understanding this

[7:08] this relational nature of thought,

[7:11] identity,

[7:13] and self in- internally,

[7:15] um, will resolve the vast majority of

[7:18] it.

[7:19] And the the great news about that is

[7:22] you're carrying it around with you all

[7:23] the time.

[7:26] You don't have to

[7:28] have that other person finally say this

[7:30] or that to you to to resolve the issue

[7:32] or change their behavior or suddenly

[7:35] realize

[7:37] that they d- that they did you wrong or

[7:39] something. Like, you don't need any of

[7:40] that to happen to feel better.

[7:43] It's It's really a matter of of

[7:46] view,

[7:48] perspective,

[7:49] shifting that lens.

[7:53] Yeah, and I see this at all levels of

[7:56] realization.

[7:59] Um but again, it goes right back to the

[8:01] basics.

[8:03] The nature of thought and perception

[8:05] and the perceiver and the thinker

[8:08] and identifying as the perceiver and not

[8:10] seeing that you're identifying as the

[8:12] perceiver.

[8:14] And then that paints your whole entire

[8:17] reality the color of that perception

[8:21] until something changes about it.

[8:24] And that change is going to be

[8:28] something fundamental about the the view

[8:30] itself.

[8:42] So then, back to the basics.

[8:46] What is a thought?

[8:50] How often do you get entwined

[8:52] intertwined caught up in thoughts?

[8:57] What are the implications of that?

[9:01] Which types of thoughts catch your

[9:03] attention more?

[9:05] Which types of thoughts

[9:08] evade your attention more?

[9:15] How does it feel to be

[9:17] the victim of your own thoughts, your

[9:19] own perceptions,

[9:21] your own views?

[9:24] And how's it feel to be free of that

[9:27] identity of being the victim of your own

[9:30] perceptions, thoughts, and views?

[9:34] And everyone here has

[9:35] some of both of those experiences, for

[9:37] sure.

[9:41] This is the beauty of life, the beauty

[9:43] of the relative world, the conventional

[9:45] life,

[9:46] is it shows you so much.

[9:51] If you're just willing to learn from it.

[9:54] And everyone here is, of course, or we

[9:56] wouldn't be here.

[10:01] The challenge with

[10:04] learning from what is shown to us in the

[10:07] mirror of the relative world,

[10:11] um

[10:13] is

[10:16] being willing to see our own habits,

[10:20] tendencies,

[10:23] really just the momentum of belief,

[10:27] um to see it for what it is,

[10:30] and to be willing to let go of it.

[10:35] And And the key to that is

[10:37] seeing that we're identified with it.

[10:40] That's why it's hard to It's not It

[10:41] wouldn't be hard to let go of it if

[10:42] there was no identification with it. So,

[10:45] that's why this all comes back to

[10:46] identity.

[10:49] It's not hard to let go of a belief.

[10:51] It's hard to let go of a belief you're

[10:53] identified with. It's hard to let go of

[10:55] a belief that you think

[10:59] could harm you to let go of because

[11:01] you're letting go of something that's

[11:03] keeping you safe.

[11:11] So, there's this interesting

[11:15] correlation or

[11:18] um

[11:20] perceived connection between safety and

[11:22] identity.

[11:24] It goes very deep.

[11:28] It goes deep in the sense that it's at a

[11:30] very

[11:31] fundamental level of our processing and

[11:33] perception.

[11:35] But it goes deep in the sense that it

[11:37] forms very early

[11:39] in our developmental

[11:40] process.

[11:52] So,

[11:54] um as we're developing as small

[11:56] children,

[12:01] really the motivation, even though it's

[12:04] behavioral, not conscious

[12:07] at at an early age, the motivation is

[12:09] safety, of course.

[12:12] How can we stay safe?

[12:14] And it starts with the primary bond

[12:17] with our caregivers.

[12:21] And if that's not

[12:23] fully formed or it's disrupted at a very

[12:25] young age,

[12:27] um

[12:28] there are major major challenges in

[12:31] development.

[12:35] It's luckily uncommon that that happens.

[12:39] But

[12:41] certainly at some age,

[12:43] for almost everybody, there's some

[12:45] disruption in that

[12:47] um identity structure

[12:50] forming itself in layers

[12:53] and trying to find safety at every

[12:56] layer.

[12:58] For many

[13:00] Well, for all of us, but for many

[13:02] people, the first big

[13:04] threat to that safety is when we become

[13:06] socially aware.

[13:08] So,

[13:09] many people in here did not grow up in a

[13:11] family that was

[13:13] um

[13:14] fully nurturing and safe and so forth,

[13:16] but some people did.

[13:18] And it really

[13:20] hits when you become socially aware.

[13:23] The the that you your relative

[13:26] importance, your identity

[13:28] in the relative world, and the

[13:30] importance of it

[13:31] is not just about how you fit in with

[13:33] your family, but it's how you fit in

[13:35] with

[13:36] society, your friend groups, and so

[13:39] forth in school. Usually, this is around

[13:41] puberty, right?

[13:43] Um

[13:44] and

[13:46] I think that correlates that that time

[13:49] that transitional period correlates with

[13:53] where we

[13:54] install a lot of neurosis.

[13:58] Um

[13:59] our feeling of safety

[14:01] gets very intertwined with things like

[14:04] social standing,

[14:06] um

[14:07] and so forth.

[14:08] And obviously, we live in a society

[14:10] that's very complex, and there are very

[14:13] divergent environments that give us very

[14:16] divergent cues about where we stand in

[14:18] reference to the group we are

[14:20] interacting with.

[14:22] So, things get very complex

[14:24] once we become socially aware,

[14:26] which again is usually sometime around

[14:29] puberty.

[14:31] Um

[14:33] and by that stage of things,

[14:35] there's so much thought identification

[14:37] going on. There are so many layers of

[14:40] identity built,

[14:42] and there are

[14:44] various layers of

[14:46] um

[14:47] challenges or threats to our safety that

[14:49] are built into that identity structure

[14:53] that we learn

[14:55] that

[14:57] the one

[14:59] sure way or the one reliable way

[15:03] to feel safe in in a given moment when

[15:06] we're in a complex internal environment

[15:09] reflected reflecting an external

[15:11] environment with a whole bunch of other

[15:13] humans who all have their own internal

[15:14] environments, and all of the the

[15:16] energetics of that interacting with one

[15:19] another, the only thing we can do to

[15:21] feel safe is to dissociate.

[15:24] So,

[15:26] we

[15:27] in a moment, in a given moment, not that

[15:29] dissociation is

[15:31] is really safety, because it's not.

[15:34] But, it's a it's a learned strategy that

[15:36] I think

[15:37] damn near everybody learns.

[15:41] And the way we do that is with thought,

[15:44] fantasy, daydreaming,

[15:46] judgment,

[15:49] holding our own views and feeling

[15:51] righteous in that,

[15:54] maintaining a certain

[15:57] um

[15:58] anger pattern.

[15:59] Everyone has different versions of this

[16:02] about a certain thing, maintaining a

[16:04] victim mentality,

[16:06] maintaining a chronic illness sort of um

[16:09] um identity,

[16:11] like various versions of all of these

[16:13] pieced together. We all do it.

[16:16] Uh

[16:18] and by the time we notice this is

[16:20] happening,

[16:22] if we're sensitive, we're suffering

[16:23] quite a bit.

[16:25] That's dukkha,

[16:27] unsatisfactoriness.

[16:29] And so, that's how we enter

[16:32] this space.

[16:33] As we find ourselves there, we don't

[16:36] know how we got there,

[16:38] but we feel how complex and binding it

[16:41] is and confusing and challenging. And we

[16:44] also can look around us and see that

[16:46] even those who are supposed to help us

[16:48] out of this don't know how to do that.

[16:51] We look around and see our mental health

[16:54] uh workers

[16:56] that look just as confused and lost as

[16:58] we do.

[16:59] We see our counselors that look just as

[17:03] lonely as we we feel.

[17:06] Right?

[17:08] Maybe maybe this isn't everyone's

[17:09] experience. It was definitely mine, and

[17:11] I think it's a lot of people's

[17:12] experience when you realize even the

[17:13] so-called experts haven't figured this

[17:16] out.

[17:19] They've just figured out a certain kind

[17:20] of dissociation that gives them a

[17:22] certain kind of social status that kind

[17:25] of works for them a little bit.

[17:27] Yeah.

[17:30] So, then you find yourself in this very

[17:32] difficult place in life

[17:34] when the help that should be out there

[17:36] is not really out there. So, where do

[17:38] you look? Where do you look for help?

[17:40] Right?

[17:43] And then you feel helpless. So, you

[17:44] dissociate more,

[17:46] make up more fantasies, more daydreams.

[17:53] And you may bump into a certain person

[17:55] or, you know, friend or someone who has

[17:57] that kind of special

[17:59] ability to really hold space or you you

[18:01] you feel kind of safe around a certain

[18:03] person. You don't really know why.

[18:05] Uh

[18:06] and hopefully most of us have bumped

[18:09] into those kinds of people. Many people

[18:11] here are those kinds of people.

[18:13] But still there's a

[18:15] there's a feeling of like not having

[18:17] figured out really what to do about this

[18:19] or that there is anything you can do

[18:21] about this.

[18:23] Or that there's anything outside of this

[18:26] this big problem.

[18:27] And a lot of times at this point it's

[18:29] just become internalized. It's this like

[18:32] core of shame. Something's wrong with

[18:33] me.

[18:35] Right?

[18:36] Especially sensitive people I think do

[18:38] that more. They tend to internalize it

[18:40] instead of externalize it, their pain.

[18:42] So, it's like, oh, what's wrong with me?

[18:45] Yeah.

[18:47] And then

[18:49] who knows why or how it happens, but

[18:52] somehow you

[18:54] either ask the right question

[18:56] internally,

[18:59] make a a kind of prayer for truth,

[19:04] or

[19:05] you bump into a certain message.

[19:10] Could be a book.

[19:12] Could be

[19:13] the power of now.

[19:15] Maybe you turn on a YouTube channel and

[19:17] you see a certain video

[19:19] and you're like, that right there.

[19:21] That's different.

[19:23] That's something new.

[19:25] Or something ancient. But it's not It's

[19:28] not the usual.

[19:29] It's not It's not more of

[19:31] >> [snorts]

[19:31] >> how to fall asleep.

[19:33] It's not more of how to just get more

[19:34] and more lost in delusion or in

[19:36] dissociation.

[19:38] There's something alive in that message.

[19:40] Everybody here knows that or you

[19:42] wouldn't be here. I know. For me it was

[19:44] It was a book.

[19:46] Um

[19:50] and

[19:51] what a miraculous moment that is.

[19:55] Right?

[19:57] I mean, we're surrounded by

[19:59] a bunch of mind-identified, deluded,

[20:01] suffering beings,

[20:03] many of most of which are pretending

[20:05] they're not suffering, and they

[20:06] pretended so thoroughly and so long they

[20:08] don't even know they're pretending

[20:09] they're not suffering anymore. They

[20:11] actually think they're not.

[20:13] As crazy as that is, that's the world we

[20:14] live in. Right? And of course it leaks

[20:17] out everywhere.

[20:20] In harm and violence and self-harm and

[20:22] all of the things.

[20:25] So in that place we find ourselves

[20:27] sometime in our young adult life

[20:30] to actually

[20:31] see something illuminating, a totally

[20:33] different way of being, a way of living,

[20:36] a way of experiencing.

[20:38] But that's actually so mysterious and we

[20:40] can't even put it in one of those

[20:41] categories.

[20:43] When you first come into contact with it

[20:44] or when I first came into contact with

[20:46] it,

[20:47] I knew what it was,

[20:49] but I also didn't know

[20:52] how to put it in the context of

[20:55] all of the other stuff.

[20:57] But I didn't need to.

[20:59] I knew it was different. I knew it was

[21:01] something

[21:03] um

[21:07] more real

[21:09] than what I had taken to be real and

[21:11] what as far as I could tell everyone

[21:12] around me was taking to be real.

[21:17] And I also knew it wasn't an escape.

[21:20] That was obvious to me. It wasn't

[21:23] because I could tell that most of what

[21:25] people were trying to do with thoughts

[21:26] and with this whole world of delusion

[21:29] really was trying to escape.

[21:31] But I knew that this that's not what

[21:33] this was. This was real.

[21:36] Um this was somehow going in the other

[21:38] direction in a way that I couldn't put

[21:40] my finger on.

[21:42] But I could feel it.

[21:43] So I'm preaching to the choir. Like

[21:46] probably everyone here has some

[21:48] recognition of this, some version of

[21:49] this.

[21:50] For some people this happened two or

[21:52] three weeks ago cuz they told me before

[21:54] we started retreat.

[21:56] They just saw my videos or something a

[21:58] few weeks ago. So that happens at these

[22:00] retreats.

[22:02] People who just

[22:04] randomly see something that illuminates

[22:05] and they're like, "I'm going."

[22:08] Which is awesome.

[22:09] Other people have been around with this

[22:12] for quite some time. Many people here

[22:14] decades ago they had that shift, that

[22:17] insight that led to a shift.

[22:21] Um

[22:23] but it's what we all share that that's

[22:25] what we're interested in.

[22:27] That's what we're oriented to.

[22:29] And ultimately that's what we give our

[22:30] lives to

[22:32] because you have to at some point.

[22:35] You might negotiate with that a little

[22:37] bit, but at some point you realize it's

[22:40] it's bigger than you of course.

[22:43] It's bigger than your intentions or your

[22:46] preferences or your ideas or ideals

[22:49] about how it's going to play out in your

[22:50] life.

[22:53] It's it's just bigger than that

[22:55] in some sense.