The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn (CBS) - 1999-11-15 (partial)

Channel: malgent

Transcript

Language: English (original, YouTube automatic captions)

[0:00] I value [music] you only on coin 6 news.

[0:02] People you know.

[0:06] [music]

[0:11] THE HILLS ARE [screaming] ALIVE. THE

[0:14] HOLLYWOOD Hills that is because they are

[0:16] the home of THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH

[0:18] CRAIG KILBORN.

[0:20] TONIGHT FROM POLITICALLY CORRECT, THE

[0:23] CONTROVERSIAL BILL [cheering] MAHER.

[0:27] And we're going to settle the

[0:28] controversy. And from the King of

[0:30] Queens, Leo Remedy.

[0:34] LITTLE BALL OF FIRE. LEO REMEDY,

[0:38] plus the [cheering] freaks and geeks

[0:40] [applause] from the Jimro Circus. All

[0:43] right, [cheering]

[0:47] >> ladies and gentlemen, [applause]

[0:51] this is Craig Kilborn. [cheering]

[1:00] >> [music]

[1:05] >> Wow.

[1:07] Wow. [cheering and applause]

[1:09] WOW.

[1:14] [applause]

[1:15] Are you kidding me? [cheering]

[1:18] What an audience. [applause] You guys

[1:21] are loud. You're loud.

[1:24] You guys are loud. Sit down. [laughter]

[1:28] Welcome to your Late Late Show. My name

[1:29] is Craig Kilbornne and this is exciting.

[1:33] [sighs]

[1:34] A Japanese drug company has invented a

[1:37] female condom.

[1:40] [laughter]

[1:41] That's it.

[1:44] This condom is expected to be twice as

[1:46] effective as a lamb skin condom and a

[1:50] million times more effective than what

[1:52] Japanese women were using before. Uh

[1:57] That seaweed paper used to make sushi.

[2:00] You know that stuff.

[2:05] We are going. It is Monday. [applause]

[2:09] Um,

[2:11] happy birthdays today. Happy birthdays

[2:13] in order for old dirty bastard.

[2:17] [cheering and applause]

[2:17] >> That's right. That's right. Former

[2:20] Senator Bob Pacwood turned 68 today.

[2:24] [applause]

[2:24] Thank you. also

[2:30] celebrating a birthday today. Prince

[2:32] Charles turned 51

[2:35] and uh yeah, [applause]

[2:38] the prince spent the day riding his

[2:40] horse.

[2:42] But enough about Camila Parker BS.

[2:48] [laughter]

[2:49] I have just made a decision. I I forget

[2:51] that. I have made a decision. We are

[2:53] friends. I don't do this often. We now

[2:56] are going to build a joke together.

[2:58] Okay. I need your help. I just need you

[3:01] to shout things out. I need a uh first

[3:03] of all a certain type of person.

[3:05] >> A man.

[3:06] >> I like a man. Okay. A man. Where is he

[3:12] going? I need a pl. Where is he going?

[3:13] >> Right to hell.

[3:14] >> TO THE SUPERMARKET.

[3:16] >> TO THE SUPERMARKET. OKAY.

[3:19] What does he buy?

[3:21] >> Condoms. A single bar of soap and a tube

[3:24] of toothpaste, etc.

[3:26] >> Okay.

[3:28] Single bar of soap, tube of toothpaste,

[3:31] etc. All right. Here we go. We're

[3:34] building it now live. This is [laughter]

[3:36] Okay. Good. A man walks into a

[3:38] supermarket and buys a single bar of

[3:40] soap, a loaf of bread, one tube of

[3:42] toothpaste, TV dinner, and one can of

[3:45] soda. Okay. The woman behind the counter

[3:48] says, "You must be single." The guy

[3:50] perks up and says, "How'd you guess?"

[3:52] And the woman says, "Because you're very

[3:54] ugly."

[3:57] [applause]

[4:00] There we go. [applause]

[4:02] [cheering]

[4:05] [music]

[4:07] [applause]

[4:10] [music]

[4:12] [applause]

[4:15] [music]

[4:17] Oh boy. I tell you what, last week we

[4:19] were in Los Angeles and the big decision

[4:21] was made. We are now permanently doing

[4:23] our show from LA, baby. Yeah. Yeah.

[4:27] We're here. We're here. [applause]

[4:30] One of the uh one of the advantages of

[4:33] of uh doing the show from Hollywood, the

[4:36] great guests. And look who is on the

[4:38] show tonight, first night. Uh we're in

[4:41] LA for for good. And we've got Bill Mars

[4:44] here. [cheering]

[4:46] >> [applause]

[4:51] >> THAT'S RIGHT.

[4:53] The very controversial Bill Maher.

[4:58] We're going to take a hard look at Bill

[5:00] tonight in the show.

[5:02] [laughter]

[5:03] >> Bill Maher. Who [music] is he? Talk show

[5:05] personality, environmentalist, business

[5:08] leader. [music] If you listen to Bill

[5:10] Maher, he'll tell you he's all three.

[5:12] But would it surprise you to know that

[5:14] Bill Maher [music] is anti-consumer,

[5:16] anti-Neal family, and pro-

[5:18] anti-environment?

[5:20] Ask yourself, do you really know [music]

[5:23] Bill Maher?

[5:24] >> That's right. That's right. Later in the

[5:27] show, it's an in-depth piece on Bill

[5:29] Maher, but I believe and I've seen it's

[5:30] a it's a fair piece. Okay.

[5:35] >> Also tonight from the King of Queens,

[5:37] Leah Reman.

[5:40] UM [applause]

[5:45] um

[5:47] now

[5:48] Leah [applause] Leah is not

[5:51] controversial, but to me it's she's

[5:54] confusing. And I'll tell you why. I

[5:56] can't figure out if she is a little

[5:58] firecracker,

[6:00] a spark plug, or a little pistol.

[6:04] [laughter]

[6:04] You know, you know what she looks like,

[6:06] right? Tiny little girl. What do you Who

[6:09] thinks she's a firecracker?

[6:12] [applause]

[6:14] How about spark plug?

[6:17] [applause]

[6:19] There we go. That's what I like to hear.

[6:21] [laughter]

[6:23] Uh we also we also have I have an

[6:27] important announcement to make. Um

[6:28] coming up next week on Thanksgiving Day,

[6:31] I'll be attempting to make television

[6:33] history once again by breaking my own

[6:35] record for the one minute Zoom. Okay.

[6:37] I'll be going for a minute five. Minute

[6:40] five. Do you remember it was it was

[6:42] August 4th, 1999 this past summer when I

[6:45] when I set the record. We had on the

[6:47] show we had on Kath Zita Jones and

[6:49] Michael Douglas on that show. That's

[6:51] when they met.

[6:54] [laughter]

[6:55] And here it is. This is what happened.

[6:56] There I am talking to to Tracy, our

[6:59] cameraman. And I believe he's still

[7:02] wearing the plaid shirt. He wears that a

[7:03] lot. I'm explaining how it works. And

[7:05] then it's uh me me showing him uh how

[7:08] the camera works. And he's he's going to

[7:11] be the one doing the zoom. And then

[7:12] there of course is the zoom. There's

[7:15] trace there. Look at this guy. This this

[7:17] guy, you'll see him later in the show.

[7:19] He looks kind of weird, doesn't he?

[7:21] There's Maddie. Look at Maddie

[7:23] assistant. Okay. [laughter] And there I

[7:26] am. And this is during the famous one

[7:28] minute zoom. I'm going to try to go uh a

[7:30] minute five. And then this of course is

[7:32] uh the celebration

[7:35] after we did it. [applause] So uh

[7:42] next thanks uh next week on Thanksgiving

[7:44] I'm going to go a minute five from the

[7:46] zoom. Very exciting. You know uh last

[7:49] week we had Cir to and everyone was

[7:52] talking about it and you guys want more

[7:54] is what I was told and and Circ is kind

[7:56] of new fangled. I say screw him.

[8:00] Let's get back to the purity of the big

[8:02] top. Let's get back to what we call the

[8:04] sideshow. And tonight from Coney Island,

[8:07] we have

[8:11] [music and singing]

[8:12] >> a sideshow.

[8:14] THE JIM ROSE CIRCUS RIGHT OVER HERE.

[8:18] [cheering and applause]

[8:20] UM,

[8:22] >> hey Jim. HI CRAIG. JIM. UM, [applause]

[8:28] >> JIM, [cheering] you look you look

[8:29] familiar. Weren't you Blockhead on an

[8:31] episode of The X-Files?

[8:33] >> Yes, I am.

[8:34] >> That you were on more than once, right?

[8:36] >> Yeah.

[8:36] >> Yeah. So, who are you? Jim Rose Circus

[8:38] or Blockhead?

[8:39] >> Um, I'm um the human blockhead in the X

[8:42] Files. And I'm Jim Rose in the Jim Rose

[8:44] Circus. And the human blockhead, Craig,

[8:47] has done uh it's probably one of the

[8:49] first things a future freak would learn.

[8:52] It's We can start off with a spoon if

[8:54] you want.

[8:54] >> SPOON IN THE NOSE. EVERYBODY, HERE WE

[8:56] GO. Go right ahead,

[8:58] >> Craig. Where there is no brain, there is

[9:02] no pain.

[9:03] I was born with a silver spoon in my

[9:06] nose.

[9:08] Imagine [music] what the doctors

[9:09] thought. Hey, look. I can get cable.

[9:13] There's Craig. There it is.

[9:16] All right. [applause]

[9:20] Um, [applause]

[9:24] >> very exciting. Jim is going to be here

[9:26] with us throughout the show doing more

[9:27] spoon things. But this is what I'm

[9:29] excited about. Later in the show from

[9:31] the Jim Rose circus at the end of the

[9:33] show, the Armanian rubber man is going

[9:36] to actually jump through this tennis

[9:38] racket. He is going to jump through. And

[9:40] he's not he's about my size. He's not a

[9:42] small man. This is true. Later in the

[9:44] show, Armanian Superman, Rubber Man, is

[9:47] going to jump through this real tennis

[9:49] racket. Okay, very exciting. Right now,

[9:52] uh, let's check the news

[9:57] [music]

[10:00] >> in the news is brought to you by Barf

[10:02] Bags. Fine luggage from WH Barf and

[10:06] Suns.

[10:07] Our top story in a segment we call eye

[10:10] on stuff in a land far away where people

[10:13] speak a totally different language from

[10:15] English.

[10:17] Students and police clashed in South

[10:19] Korea over the weekend and many innocent

[10:21] buses and vans were injured.

[10:24] Ow. Ow.

[10:27] GOD.

[10:30] The protest culminated in a massive

[10:32] demonstration of peaceful student

[10:35] kicking.

[10:43] There was much more to the South Korean

[10:45] protest than just kicking, but I got to

[10:46] see that kicking again. Huh?

[10:53] Uh, the riers were apparently reacting

[10:56] to the distressing news that South Korea

[10:57] had gone almost 3 days without a new

[11:00] riot.

[11:02] Rage for a comment on continued unrest

[11:04] in South Korea. CBS's Craig Kilborg had

[11:07] this to say.

[11:09] Is um is South Korea south or north of

[11:12] North Korea?

[11:14] It's a very confusing. It's a good

[11:17] question. In other Asian news, Chinese

[11:20] and US negotiators signed a deal earlier

[11:23] today that will permit China's entry

[11:24] into the World Trade Organization. The

[11:26] deal for China's admittance into the WTO

[11:30] nearly fell through when it was

[11:31] discovered that China was also being

[11:32] wooed by a rival organization, the WWF.

[11:37] There still remains one crucial barrier

[11:39] for the dimminionive Chinese. They must

[11:42] be this tall to ride the wave of

[11:45] economic prosperity.

[11:49] Oh, it's time for our regular political

[11:51] feature countdown to the day President

[11:53] Clinton divorces his wife and marries a

[11:55] waitress from Hooters. [laughter]

[11:59] President Clinton addressed the

[12:01] captivated Turkish Parliament today.

[12:03] Let's take a look. On the edge of a new

[12:05] millennium,

[12:07] we have a rare opportunity to reflect

[12:09] upon our journey.

[12:11] Two nations that started in very

[12:13] different places

[12:15] for the shared commitment to democracy

[12:18] [music]

[12:19] now

[12:23] on Yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much.

[12:27] Thank [applause] you for showing up

[12:28] tonight.

[12:32] [applause]

[12:33] Um

[12:35] on Saturday night, Lennox Lewis beat

[12:37] Evander Holyfield to become the

[12:38] undisputed heavyweight champion of the

[12:40] world. The decision was unanimous

[12:41] despite the fact there were no

[12:43] knockouts. The fighters each grossed $15

[12:45] million, although after paying their

[12:46] entouragees and promoter Don King

[12:49] somehow Lennox and Evander each owed the

[12:51] hotel six grand. [laughter]

[12:55] Uh the start of the bout was delayed

[12:56] when the electronic scoring system

[12:58] malfunctioned and it took Don King over

[13:00] an hour to fix it. [laughter]

[13:03] Well, it is Monday everybody and if that

[13:05] isn't bad enough, it's time for our

[13:07] regular segment. Craig makes your man

[13:09] jealous

[13:14] to all the ladies out there. And and

[13:16] that's what you are, ladies. Not girls

[13:19] or chicks.

[13:21] Ladies, I just want you to know if I'm

[13:23] ever lucky enough to be your man. I'd

[13:26] never ignore you to watch the [music]

[13:27] game. You're the only game in town as

[13:31] far as I'm concerned. [laughter]

[13:34] [applause]

[13:38] All right. [applause]

[13:41] Major strides were made in the Middle

[13:42] East peace talks this weekend. Here's

[13:44] what Yaser Arafat had to say about the

[13:46] developments. [snorts]

[13:56] took time out to comment on the

[13:57] Palestinian leader speech.

[14:00] >> I don't condone it. I understand it.

[14:03] There's a big difference.

[14:05] >> You know, um, In the News has many

[14:08] stars. Our biggest star, the Ewok guy,

[14:12] has a new challenger, the manity lady.

[14:15] Will the Ewok guy maintain his star

[14:17] status or be replaced by the Manatee

[14:20] Lady? You decide. Here now is the manity

[14:23] lady.

[14:25] [laughter]

[14:26] >> Did this look tell you how far I want to

[14:28] go with that one?

[14:31] >> Okay, here now the Ewok guy. They're

[14:36] expected to act like uh uh put a good

[14:39] face on for the university and represent

[14:41] the university. Well, it's the Ewok guy.

[14:44] He's your winner, I think. I believe

[14:47] [applause]

[14:48] um

[14:52] singer Patula Clark is 67 today. She

[14:55] plans to celebrate somewhere downtown.

[15:01] [laughter]

[15:02] And finally, as we report in our

[15:03] award-winning monologue, Prince Charles

[15:05] turns 51 Sunday. Charles spent much of

[15:07] the day unsuccessfully trying to

[15:09] exchange the shirt his mother gave him

[15:11] for the gift he really wanted, her job.

[15:14] There's your news. We're back with Bill

[15:16] Maher. Check out the spoon right over

[15:19] here. [applause]

[15:20] [cheering]

[15:22] [music]

[15:28] [music]

[15:30] [applause]

[15:33] >> The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn

[15:35] sponsored by Winter Fresh Gum from

[15:38] Wrigley for icy cool breath that lasts.

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[16:02] [music]

[16:08] Get winter fresh gum from Wrigleys for

[16:11] icy cool breath that lasts.

[16:15] [music]

[16:16] Contrary to some opinion, e-commerce

[16:18] isn't just about selling things. It's

[16:21] about connecting people in [music]

[16:22] business. To their customers, yes, but

[16:25] also to their partners and colleagues

[16:27] and to anybody else that makes business

[16:29] go. At Microsoft, we've helped thousands

[16:31] of companies build e-commerce [music]

[16:33] solutions easy enough for any business

[16:35] to use. Because if everybody's

[16:37] connected, business works better.

[16:40] [music]

[16:44] >> Look, Enterprise rental car. Ellie's

[16:47] renting again.

[16:48] >> And Enterprise picked her up again. She

[16:50] said Enterprise picks her up free.

[16:52] >> Free?

[16:53] >> Free?

[16:54] >> Now that makes renting easy.

[16:56] >> Pick Enterprise. We'll pick you up.

[16:59] >> What do you want to do?

[16:59] >> I don't know. What do you want to do?

[17:01] >> I don't know. What do you want to do?

[17:05] You guys want cookies?

[17:07] >> Warm, ooey, gooey Pillsberry chocolate

[17:09] chip cookies. [music] Make their day the

[17:11] dough boy way. [laughter]

[17:14] >> On America's number one action drama is

[17:16] the officer in command of the war on

[17:18] drugs. A smuggler himself.

[17:19] >> You were observed last night with a

[17:21] known drug dealer.

[17:21] >> All new Jag CBS Tuesday.

[17:24] >> Remember when [music] it was easy to

[17:25] meet people? You could strike up a

[17:27] conversation, easily impress someone, or

[17:30] share a ride. But now you're busy at

[17:32] work. There's chores to do and ooh those

[17:34] dance lessons to meet people the

[17:36] old-fashioned way. Just call the

[17:38] Portland People store. Dial up our free

[17:41] 24-hour automated voice line and listen

[17:43] to single men and women describe

[17:45] themselves. Discover a very private way

[17:47] to meet nice people. The Portland People

[17:49] store. It could happen to you, but

[17:52] you've got to call right now.

[17:54] >> American Home Furniture now twice the

[17:56] size to serve you better.

[17:57] >> Announcing the grand opening of our

[17:59] Delta Park store. The event is so great

[18:01] that we're celebrating at both stores,

[18:02] Talitan and Delta Park. Stop by either

[18:05] American Home store today and find the

[18:07] Northwest's absolute lowest prices on

[18:09] [music] famous name brand furniture.

[18:10] >> Plus, American Home is offering 12

[18:12] months same as cash. Yes, [music] that's

[18:14] no interest for one full year.

[18:15] >> So, come celebrate with us today at

[18:17] American Home Furniture, conveniently

[18:19] located at I5 at the Twallet Nex at 289

[18:22] and now our new store at Delta Park.

[18:24] [music]

[18:25] >> Who are the people of Coin 6 News?

[18:28] They are the people you see.

[18:31] [music]

[18:32] They're also the people behind the

[18:34] cameras

[18:36] [music]

[18:37] and most importantly the people who

[18:39] watch.

[18:42] [music]

[18:43] These are the people who have made Coin

[18:45] 6 station of the [music] year for the

[18:48] second year in a row. Thank you for

[18:50] watching Coin 6. People make the

[18:53] difference.

[18:55] Celebrate 2000 with Coin TV 6.

[19:00] >> [applause and music]

[19:05] >> Welcome back. [applause]

[19:06] Uh, it's a big week here in Los Angeles.

[19:09] Tomorrow we have Serena Scott Thomas,

[19:11] one of the James Bond girls and the

[19:13] Uriics. Tomorrow on

[19:17] um, [applause]

[19:19] Thursday, Christina Reachi, Friday, The

[19:21] Violent Fe.

[19:24] It doesn't get any bigger than

[19:25] Wednesday. MV Griffin.

[19:29] [cheering]

[19:30] Very excited. [applause]

[19:32] >> Let's check out the Jim Rose Circus.

[19:34] What are you doing now, Jim? What do you

[19:35] got for us?

[19:36] >> Uh, you know, let's just accelerate,

[19:37] Craig. Let's get rid of the spoon. Let's

[19:40] go to a nail and a hammer.

[19:42] >> Right through the head. Here we go.

[19:44] >> Right through the head. Craig,

[19:48] >> let's do that. [music]

[19:59] Oh my goodness. Yeah, that's good.

[20:01] >> There's your entertainment, everybody.

[20:03] [applause]

[20:04] That's good.

[20:07] [music]

[20:13] [applause]

[20:18] [applause]

[20:18] >> That's uh that's tonight throughout the

[20:21] show.

[20:22] >> [laughter]

[20:23] >> As I mentioned at the top of our

[20:24] program, my first guest tonight is

[20:25] highly controversial. He's been the host

[20:27] of Politically Incorrect since 1994.

[20:29] Let's take a closer look at Bill Maher

[20:31] to find out more about who he is and why

[20:34] he has so many people riled up.

[20:38] >> If you think you knew Bill Maher, think

[20:41] again. Bill Maher claims to be a man of

[20:44] the people, fighting for the little guy.

[20:46] Yet in 1994, he raised taxes on the

[20:49] working poor while giving his fat cat

[20:51] friends in Washington an acrosstheboard

[20:53] pay raise. Bill Maher claims to be

[20:56] ridding Washington of special interest

[20:58] groups. Yet, he voted for legislation

[21:00] giving lobbyists special parking places

[21:03] which make it easier for them to harass

[21:05] your representatives. And most shocking

[21:08] of all, Bill Maher claims to be pro-

[21:11] baby panda, despite the fact that a

[21:13] company secretly owned by Bill Maher

[21:15] hunts down baby pandas and turns them

[21:18] into exotic panda burgers for white

[21:20] collar criminals who have gotten off

[21:22] with light sentences. Thanks to who? You

[21:25] guessed it, Bill Maher. So, Bill Maher,

[21:29] which is it? Man of the people or

[21:32] panda-hating fat cat? Paid for by

[21:35] Americans in favor of truth.

[21:37] >> HERE HE IS, BILL MAH. [cheering]

[21:42] [applause]

[21:45] [cheering]

[21:47] [applause]

[21:50] >> [cheering]

[21:56] >> I don't know is [applause] any

[22:00] >> again [cheering]

[22:01] make yourself at home.

[22:02] >> We went through that last time.

[22:03] >> Is is any of that true?

[22:05] >> What was that?

[22:06] >> I don't know. Is any of that true?

[22:08] >> So, you don't oversee the comedy

[22:09] yourself on the show.

[22:10] >> Sometimes I do that. I should have. By

[22:13] the way,

[22:13] >> I wasn't offended. I was confused.

[22:15] >> Right. Here's the good news. I can take

[22:17] it out.

[22:18] >> No. No, because we're talking about it

[22:20] now.

[22:20] >> Okay, but then I can

[22:21] >> That would make me even later for

[22:22] dinner.

[22:22] >> There we go. [laughter]

[22:24] Um Um

[22:25] >> Let's talk about Let's talk about

[22:26] something exciting about PI.

[22:29] >> You didn't shave.

[22:29] >> I know. I'm a bum today, isn't it?

[22:31] >> Oh, what do you mean I'm a bum? Like

[22:33] like you didn't plan it.

[22:34] >> No, no, no, no. I do it once in a while.

[22:37] I was watching the Vikings beat Chicago

[22:39] in in overtime and it's very exciting. I

[22:41] just I was too excited. I slept in and I

[22:42] just got to to the office late.

[22:44] >> I I find that to be a tremendous lie.

[22:46] You think it looks cool and that's why

[22:48] you didn't shave. You're doing Don

[22:49] Johnson from 1985.

[22:51] >> No, it it would look cool in a few days.

[22:53] Maybe I'll if I It's not You can't see

[22:55] it enough. It's not visible enough.

[22:57] >> All right, let's go to your question.

[22:58] >> Yeah. I want to know about PI. You're

[22:59] going to New York.

[23:00] >> Yes. New York. Yeah. Let me amend one

[23:03] thing. You said we started in 1994.

[23:04] Actually, we started in 1993.

[23:06] >> Okay.

[23:07] >> In New York. Um I've [clears throat] not

[23:09] been back there. I lived there for three

[23:11] years when we were doing the show there.

[23:13] Did not like it.

[23:14] >> You did not like New York. You liked

[23:16] Why? [clears throat] Why do you despise

[23:17] you despise New York?

[23:18] >> I don't despise it. I

[23:20] >> I have uh Bill Maher despises New York.

[23:24] >> That's what it should have been. Let's

[23:25] redo that. Otherwise, that's what it

[23:27] should have been.

[23:27] >> No. Uh I don't despise it, but I don't

[23:30] like urban living. Uh a lot of it I

[23:33] can't put my finger on.

[23:34] >> But let me ask you this. Uh uh any way

[23:37] you get Al Franken on as a guest in New

[23:39] York?

[23:40] >> I think we have Al Franken tomorrow.

[23:42] >> Really?

[23:42] >> I think we have Al Franken actually for

[23:44] two days. Uh cuz that's how much I like

[23:46] Al Franken. He's on tomorrow and

[23:48] Wednesday and then we go to New York and

[23:50] we do uh our show from the set of The

[23:53] View.

[23:54] >> Now this is interesting. The View. You

[23:56] are you going to be on We'll see.

[23:57] >> Right.

[23:58] >> Is Lisa Ling going to be there? Isn't

[24:01] that the girl? The new

[24:01] >> Sounds like a panda,

[24:02] >> right?

[24:03] >> We should point out the panda thing.

[24:05] You're actually a big pa guy.

[24:07] >> I'm a big animal lover. Yeah. So that

[24:09] was

[24:09] >> that was wrong.

[24:10] >> Well, I mean it's not wrong. Is there

[24:12] between wrong and not particularly

[24:14] funny?

[24:14] >> Was not funny. It was not funny.

[24:17] >> But I mean, of all the things that I

[24:19] would not be, which maybe that's what

[24:21] they were going for because I I am a big

[24:23] animal rights activist. It's probably

[24:25] it's the thing that sort of people

[24:27] >> find to be jarring about my resume

[24:30] because politically incorrect, they see

[24:32] that as somehow associated with being

[24:34] bad to animals, which is stupid.

[24:36] >> Here's the thing. Bill likes animals. He

[24:38] just hates kids.

[24:41] I I don't hate kids. I just don't want

[24:43] to be around kids. I don't want kids.

[24:45] And I I do not like the prejudice that

[24:48] this country has against people who

[24:50] refuse to spawn.

[24:53] You know, the national policy of this

[24:55] country is that kids are special and

[24:57] that they're our greatest resource. I

[24:59] promise you, our greatest resource is

[25:00] petroleum.

[25:01] >> Okay?

[25:04] >> Plus, we have enough kids. We have

[25:05] enough kids. If if Bill Maher doesn't

[25:07] have any children, there'll be enough

[25:08] anyways, right? Is that what you're

[25:10] saying?

[25:11] >> What about you, [laughter] Craig?

[25:12] >> I love kids. I I love children. I love

[25:15] children. Really?

[25:16] >> I love tall.

[25:17] >> Do you relate to them?

[25:18] >> Uh I don't talk to them, but I I don't

[25:21] No, but I I mean half my audience is is

[25:25] children, so you know, hence hence I I I

[25:28] have to like them at this point.

[25:30] >> Uh you have an interesting Thanksgiving

[25:32] show. Tell the the the people about

[25:34] that.

[25:35] >> Oh, yes.

[25:36] Do you remember it?

[25:37] >> Yes, I do. We already did it because you

[25:39] already taped it.

[25:39] >> Yeah, we taped it because we wanted to

[25:41] do a show with uh three uh Native

[25:43] Americans. I By the way, I asked them

[25:45] about that name cuz that's a bunch of a

[25:48] politically correct mouthful Native

[25:49] America. I said, "Do you do you bother

[25:52] by Indian?" No, they like Indian even

[25:54] though it's a misnomer. It's a cool

[25:56] word. It's a lot cooler to be called an

[25:58] Indian. Native American, please. Anyway,

[26:00] so they were cool with that. So, I'll

[26:02] call them Indians. And [clears throat]

[26:03] then we had Ken Hamlin, who's a uh a

[26:06] talk show host from Denver. And uh

[26:08] >> wears the hat. The black guy wears the

[26:09] hat.

[26:09] >> Right. The black avenger. Exactly. And

[26:12] uh Ken's point to the Indians was you

[26:14] lost. Get over it.

[26:16] >> Which was a little controversial. My

[26:18] point

[26:19] >> My point.

[26:20] >> Did they respond to that or not?

[26:21] >> Yes, they did. And very very well. Uh

[26:23] but I was saying Thanksgiving in itself

[26:26] is a holiday we shouldn't really be

[26:27] celebrating the way we do because we're

[26:29] celebrating this one day

[26:31] >> that we had with the Indians where we

[26:33] shared dinner and then we went on for

[26:35] three centuries to kill them and wipe

[26:37] them out. It's sort of like a date rap

[26:39] is saying look

[26:40] >> let's concentrate on the nice dinner at

[26:42] the beginning of the evening and forget

[26:43] the rough stuff that happened later. So,

[26:46] uh, the Indians got to

[26:47] >> That's on Thanksgiving night. So, that

[26:49] could right

[26:50] >> could ruin it for a lot of us. Although,

[26:52] it's on late, so we've already had our

[26:53] our dinner. So,

[26:55] >> it's ruined anyway. I mean, it's such a

[26:57] rehearsed day. You have to go.

[26:59] >> We're going to do something. We're going

[27:00] to actually redo that piece about Bill

[27:01] Maher. We're going to have it right next

[27:03] time.

[27:03] >> No, actually, you know what they said?

[27:05] They say said we I said, "How'd it turn

[27:06] out?" And they said, "It's a good idea."

[27:08] It was okay. So, it wasn't it wasn't

[27:10] quite what we wanted.

[27:11] >> I think it was funnier than they gave it

[27:12] credit for. They're they're they're

[27:14] staring at us, but you know inside they

[27:16] like it.

[27:17] >> Uh, back with five questions. Bill Maher

[27:19] right after this. [applause and music]

[27:25] >> 69.

[27:26] >> What are you looking at? Cable.

[27:28] >> It's just getting good.

[27:29] >> 3 minutes a week.

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[28:57] >> I've got thousands trapped under their

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[29:00] >> Now [music] the people must count on

[29:01] each other to survive.

[29:02] >> We got to keep it together.

[29:04] >> Yeah, we are done. You have to trust me.

[29:07] >> BUT THE DEVASTATION

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[29:16] >> Abused, [music]

[29:16] abandoned, and neglected children need

[29:18] your assistance this holiday season. You

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[29:47] At News Center 6, we care [music] about

[29:49] the future of our children.

[29:51] >> That's why Coin TV airs programs

[29:52] specifically designed to meet the

[29:54] education [music] and information needs

[29:56] of children.

[29:56] >> We provide television ratings at the

[29:58] beginning of every program to help

[30:00] parents decide what programs are

[30:02] appropriate for their children. And News

[30:03] Center 6 details [music] our children's

[30:05] programming performance in our quarterly

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[30:09] for your review at Coin TV.

[30:11] >> Because at News Center 6, we care about

[30:13] the needs of [music] our viewers.

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[30:29] Division. Please help your Sunshine

[30:31] Division help others this holiday season

[30:33] by donating non-p perishable foods in

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[30:37] donations will be distributed to those

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[30:41] The Sunshine Division, emergency help

[30:43] for the needy.

[30:45] >> Shirley Hancock, [music] only on Coin 6

[30:47] News. People you know. [applause]

[30:50] >> You guys are great. Back with Bill

[30:53] Maher. And uh speaking of good

[30:56] audiences, we've got you've got some

[30:57] coming up in Atlanta. I am going back to

[31:00] the punchline in Atlanta,

[31:02] >> November 19th.

[31:03] >> 19th. I first did it in in 1982. Great.

[31:06] >> Wow.

[31:06] >> And then I'm going on There you have it

[31:08] there. The Comedy Zone in Charlotte,

[31:10] >> November 20th.

[31:11] >> That's on the next day, the Saturday.

[31:12] So, full southern swing. Yes. I'm

[31:15] whipping up an HBO special and that's

[31:17] where I do it.

[31:18] >> Very exciting. Time for five questions.

[31:23] [applause and music]

[31:26] Uh, we're combining geography and

[31:28] [music] math. Um, if you add the number

[31:30] associated with the San Diego freeway to

[31:32] the number associated [music] with the

[31:33] Santa Monica Freeway, what number do you

[31:35] get?

[31:36] >> 415.

[31:37] >> Yes.

[31:38] Right. [applause]

[31:41] Uh, you you professor know so [music]

[31:44] much about the Beatles.

[31:45] >> Who did the Beatles first smoke pot

[31:47] with?

[31:48] >> Bob Dylan.

[31:48] >> That is correct. [applause]

[31:51] Uh, you think you know so much about

[31:54] politics.

[31:56] >> What position did Senator Bill Bradley

[31:58] play for the New York Knicks?

[31:59] >> Uh, forward and uh, but not power

[32:02] forward.

[32:02] >> That's very good. Small forward. That's

[32:04] very good.

[32:04] >> Forward.

[32:05] >> I was going to ask you to be specific.

[32:06] It was not power. Okay.

[32:08] >> It [applause] was not power forward.

[32:10] >> You think Clinton is powerfully forward.

[32:12] >> There we go.

[32:14] >> Uh, you think you know so much [music]

[32:15] about breakfast cereals.

[32:17] >> Does every question always start with

[32:19] you think so much? Just the middle

[32:20] three.

[32:20] >> I see.

[32:21] >> Yeah.

[32:22] >> Uh, name the three checks cereals.

[32:24] >> I don't know anything about breakfast

[32:25] cereal.

[32:26] >> That's what they said. They said you

[32:27] would not know this one.

[32:28] >> No, I don't eat cereal.

[32:29] >> Okay. Rice, wheat, and corn checks. We

[32:31] can't accept that.

[32:32] >> No, cuz I didn't get it.

[32:33] >> All right. Um,

[32:36] no, we can't accept I like saying we

[32:37] can't accept that.

[32:38] >> Ask me about cocktail wieners.

[32:39] >> Um, that's the next time. Um, okay.

[32:42] Ready? Finally, a rare live audio. Fifth

[32:46] question.

[32:46] >> Oh, wow. Hey, [music] Bill. How you

[32:50] doing? I'm John Wells, the announcer for

[32:52] the uh Late Late Show.

[32:53] >> Hi.

[32:54] >> What do you say, [music] man? After

[32:55] we're done here, you and I go cruise for

[32:57] Chicks.

[32:59] >> No,

[33:01] THAT IS CORRECT. NO,

[33:04] [applause]

[33:06] >> we just showed John Ro. Uh, [applause]

[33:10] thank you for being here. Good luck in

[33:11] New York. And, uh, big hand, BIG HAND

[33:14] FOR BILL MER, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT

[33:16] BACK.

[33:17] Thank you. [music]

[33:19] [applause]

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