The Late Show with David Letterman (CBS) - 2009-05-06 - 1 of 2

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Transcript

Language: English (original, YouTube automatic captions)

[0:00] A local officer who survived a bullet

[0:02] coin local 6 tomorrow at 11.

[0:05] >> There's only three episodes to go. All

[0:08] new Survivor CBS Thursday

[0:11] from New York, the greatest city in the

[0:15] world. It's the late show with Dave the

[0:19] Letterland.

[0:20] Tonight, Bruce Willis, music from Ben

[0:23] Harper and rel. And comedian Andy Kidler

[0:27] talks to climate change experts.

[0:30] plus Paul Schaffer and the CBS

[0:34] orchestra.

[0:36] And now free agent Fox.

[0:42] Hey,

[0:45] don't let her

[0:48] [music]

[0:53] [music]

[1:05] >> [music]

[1:10] >> Thank you.

[1:17] Thank you very much.

[1:22] [music]

[1:27] >> Thank you. Thank you very much. No. No.

[1:31] [cheering and applause]

[1:33] All right,

[1:35] we'll add the applause later.

[1:38] [laughter]

[1:39] Ah, welcome to uh the late show, New

[1:42] York City. A lot of folks visiting from

[1:43] out of town. New York City, great. Good

[1:46] to have you here. [applause]

[1:49] Listen to this. Bad news for uh New

[1:51] Yorkers and out of town. Their subway

[1:53] fair is going up $2 and a quarter. Yep.

[1:55] Going up two and a quarter. But now wait

[1:57] a minute before you get irate.

[1:59] [laughter]

[2:00] That includes absolutely free aroma

[2:02] therapy.

[2:04] That's right. And

[2:09] [applause]

[2:10] they got rid of the continental

[2:11] breakfast. That's gone.

[2:14] But they will have the snack cart, so

[2:16] that'll be good. And full body massage.

[2:19] Did I mention that?

[2:21] Yeah. [applause]

[2:23] All right.

[2:27] Uh, Tony Awards. Boy, how about the

[2:29] Broadway theater? Isn't it great?

[2:30] Anybody seen a Broadway play or a

[2:32] musical? Whoa. Who better entertain?

[2:35] [applause]

[2:36] >> Yesterday, they announced the Tony

[2:38] Awards. And did you see a Westside

[2:39] Story? The Jets and the Sharks from

[2:42] Westside Story were nominated in the

[2:44] category uh best gay street gang. So,

[2:46] keep your fingers

[2:52] >> [applause and music]

[2:55] >> Jeremy Pippen uh was nominated for a

[2:58] Tony in the category lamest excuse by an

[3:01] actor.

[3:01] >> Lamest.

[3:02] >> That'll be good. [music]

[3:06] >> We we were nominated here uh the Ed

[3:08] Sullivan Theater, the late show. Biggest

[3:10] waste of a Broadway theater.

[3:12] >> Yes.

[3:14] >> Thank you very much.

[3:17] [applause]

[3:18] >> Nominations were announced by Angela

[3:20] Lansbury. It went great. Everything was

[3:22] going great. Then she was headbutted by

[3:23] Kefir Sutherland.

[3:25] That's too bad. You don't want to see

[3:26] that. [laughter]

[3:29] I was I was s When did you hear about

[3:31] this? Kefir Sutherland goes to a party

[3:33] and he's talking to a guy and something

[3:34] happens and he headbutts the guy.

[3:36] [laughter]

[3:37] Yeah. And and later he was relieved of

[3:39] his badge by a fictional president.

[3:42] Yeah. That's what happened. And

[3:46] [applause]

[3:50] you're a burnout case, Bower. Go home to

[3:52] your kid.

[3:53] [laughter]

[3:57] >> Hey, here's a news from the world of

[3:59] sports. How about this? This is a story

[4:00] that just won't go away. Brett Favre

[4:03] coming out of retirement.

[4:05] [laughter]

[4:06] >> Won't go away.

[4:07] >> That's right. Yeah. Looks like he'd be a

[4:10] quarterback for the Minnesota Twins.

[4:12] [laughter]

[4:14] I'm [applause]

[4:20] [applause]

[4:21] >> Vikings. Yeah, that's

[4:23] >> I know.

[4:23] >> Yeah, it's between him and Norm Coleman.

[4:25] So, we'll see what happens there.

[4:28] >> Uh there's rumors now. You know Tom

[4:30] Brady at New England Patriots

[4:31] quarterback there. Pretty Boy Tom Brady.

[4:33] >> Yes.

[4:37] >> [laughter]

[4:38] >> Uh, and his his wife Jazelle Bunin,

[4:42] supermodel Jazelle Bunin. Apparently,

[4:44] rumors now that Jiselle Bunin may be

[4:46] pregnant. May be pregnant. Yeah. All

[4:48] right. So,

[4:50] [laughter]

[4:52] sound like somebody's been doing a

[4:54] little bunch jumping.

[4:59] [applause]

[5:03] I know. I know what you're saying to

[5:05] yourselves. Geez, bottom of the barrel.

[5:09] Uh, now here's a story, and this happens

[5:11] every now and then. A guy on an airplane

[5:13] and uh, you're saying, "Big deal. A guy

[5:15] on an airplane." This guy is smuggling

[5:17] birds. And And now I know you're saying,

[5:19] "So what? Smuggling birds

[5:22] in his pants."

[5:23] >> And

[5:25] what?

[5:25] >> Yes. [laughter]

[5:28] 14 birds in his pants. The guy on the

[5:30] airplane.

[5:31] >> 14 in his pants. Yeah. Flight attendants

[5:34] now became suspicious when they noticed

[5:36] the guy unzipping his fly and tossing in

[5:39] bird seed.

[5:42] They were suspicious.

[5:46] [applause]

[5:48] And and then one alert male flight

[5:50] attendant noticed that the man's pants

[5:53] were cooing and chirping [laughter]

[5:56] and thought perhaps he had found Mr.

[5:58] Wright.

[6:06] >> [applause]

[6:07] >> because his pants were cooing and

[6:09] chirping.

[6:14] >> Uh, here's a deal. This Barack Obama, I

[6:16] mean, hit the ground running. Am I right

[6:18] on that one, ladies and gentlemen?

[6:23] >> [applause]

[6:24] >> He met with the president of Pakistan

[6:27] Zardari and he also met with the

[6:29] president of Afghanistan, President

[6:31] Cararzi. And he he took them for lunch

[6:33] at Ray Hellsburg. Did you know that Ray

[6:37] Hellburger, whatever. And then Obama and

[6:40] Joe Biden went there yesterday for

[6:42] lunch. This place outside of Washington

[6:43] called Ray Hellberger. And they're kind

[6:45] of an embarrassing moment because they

[6:46] they go into the place and everybody

[6:48] goes, "Oh my gosh, it's the president

[6:50] and the vice president." and they're

[6:51] stunned. And then the guy behind the

[6:53] counter taking orders, it was Rod

[6:55] Blgoyovich.

[6:58] Rod Bgoyovic.

[7:02] [applause]

[7:08] Oh, cooing and chirping.

[7:11] [laughter]

[7:16] Oh, man. Yeah. President Obama, here's

[7:19] what he had for lunch. She had the 10 oz

[7:20] cheeseburger there at the Hellburger

[7:22] place. He had fries, a milkshake, then

[7:24] he finished it off with a smoke.

[7:33] [laughter] I'm telling you, is this guy

[7:35] a role model or what, ladies and

[7:36] gentlemen?

[7:38] And uh but the president treated he

[7:40] bought Joe Biden lunch. You just want to

[7:42] pay him back for walking the dog every

[7:43] morning.

[7:46] And [applause]

[7:50] How you doing?

[7:53] Yeah. Nice to see you. How's it going?

[7:54] Yeah. [laughter]

[7:56] Yeah. Okay.

[8:01] Uh I thought this was interesting though

[8:03] and I you know when stuff like this

[8:04] happens once in a lifetime kind of

[8:06] thing. The historian in me starts

[8:08] thinking and I start rifling through the

[8:10] the mental rolodex. Do you ever do that?

[8:12] >> Sure.

[8:12] >> So the headline

[8:15] >> No. No. I

[8:18] the headline was president goes out to

[8:21] lunch for cheeseburgers. I was thinking

[8:23] I don't think I I believe the last

[8:26] president to sneak out of the White

[8:27] House for cheap meat WAS

[8:38] [applause]

[8:44] >> [laughter]

[8:46] >> Did I hear cooing and chirping?

[8:51] [music]

[8:55] >> Yeah, 10% subway hike. And uh people are

[8:58] saying, well, you know, big deal. 10%.

[9:00] What's going to happen? I mean, you got

[9:01] to get to from, you know, to the thing

[9:03] and you want to ride the train, but 10%.

[9:05] Well, here now. This should explain

[9:07] everything about the uh 10% subway hike.

[9:11] [laughter]

[9:14] New York Governor David Patterson

[9:15] reached [music] a deal with lawmakers to

[9:17] raise the fair of one subway ride from

[9:19] $2 to 225. With the increase, [music]

[9:22] the MTA promised to provide even better

[9:25] service, longer construction delays,

[9:28] brand new graffiti, and that refreshing

[9:30] urine smell you've come to expect.

[9:32] [laughter]

[9:33] The MTA going your way.

[9:40] >> [applause]

[9:41] >> Sorry.

[9:44] [applause] I was uh excuse me. I was

[9:46] just feeding my birds. Okay.

[9:50] Uh [laughter]

[9:56] I was uh uh Oh, they're going after the

[9:58] worm.

[10:03] Look out.

[10:10] And that, by the way, that is the bottom

[10:12] of the barrel right there.

[10:15] Uh, I was earlier tonight. I was

[10:17] watching a documentary on the PBS. You

[10:19] get the PBS stuff. We get the PBS.

[10:21] >> Yeah. This was about a failed alliance

[10:23] between Adolf Hitler and Stalin. Did you

[10:26] see anything about this? Remember

[10:27] anything about this in history?

[10:29] Fascinating. This is the relationship

[10:31] almost between Hitler and Stalin. Here

[10:32] earlier tonight on PBS, take a look.

[10:35] PBS's World War II [music] Behind Closed

[10:37] Doors will return in a moment. But

[10:40] first, a reminder that quality programs

[10:42] like this are made possible by viewers

[10:44] like you. And if you call now with a $50

[10:47] donation, [music] you'll receive this

[10:49] handsome Hitler tote bag. Now, back to

[10:52] World War II behind closed doors.

[10:56] >> Oh my goodness.

[10:59] [applause]

[11:00] Ouch.

[11:02] Look, if he's still there, it's Paul

[11:05] Shaver, EVERYBODY.

[11:06] >> NO. NO. WHERE DO I SIGN? WHERE DO I

[11:08] SIGN?

[11:14] >> OH, MAN. Bruce Willis is on the program.

[11:18] Everybody, thank you very much for being

[11:20] here.

[11:22] After the break, Bruce Willis, throw

[11:26] away your clicker, Grandma. You won't

[11:28] need to change the channel anytime soon.

[11:31] We'll be right back.

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[12:07] >> She wants to make up.

[12:09] >> We decided to turn in early.

[12:11] >> We just know.

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[13:41] >> So, the insurance company and the folks

[13:43] that did this to me have some sort of

[13:45] arrangement. They get more work and the

[13:47] insurance company gets kickbacks. I see.

[13:50] >> [music]

[13:53] >> What?

[13:54] >> Who wins here? Not me

[13:56] >> or me?

[14:02] >> Oh,

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[14:05] >> it's your right to choose who fixes your

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[14:42] Why am I milking a cow? I finished my

[14:45] thesis on medieval cooking rituals.

[14:47] Bibliography, footnotes, the works. My

[14:50] computer crashed and I lost the entire

[14:52] thing.

[14:55] >> Failed the class. Lucky for me, one

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[15:14] [music]

[15:18] [cheering]

[15:20] How about that? OH, IT'S SAFER. Ladies

[15:22] and gentlemen here, world.

[15:27] [music]

[15:29] >> Hi, Harry. How are you? [applause]

[15:32] >> Ladies and gentlemen, it's my son Harry

[15:34] right there, folks.

[15:41] Oh, I'm so I'm so glad he was I'm so

[15:45] glad he was here for the worm joke.

[15:50] You all right, buddy?

[15:52] You taking a hike now?

[15:55] [laughter]

[15:56] You going to be okay? Okay. You just

[15:59] going to stay there?

[16:04] Who needs school? Am I right? [applause]

[16:12] [applause]

[16:13] I was talking about this earlier. We

[16:14] were lucky enough once again this year

[16:16] to be nominated for a Tony Award. There

[16:18] it is. It's official. The Late Show,

[16:19] ladies and gentlemen. There, right

[16:20] there. [applause]

[16:23] >> Biggest

[16:26] waste, [applause]

[16:27] >> biggest waste of a Broadway theater.

[16:29] Yeah.

[16:30] >> How about that?

[16:31] >> Well, I am very proud of that.

[16:32] >> Now, that was last year. We won. That's

[16:34] who we are.

[16:35] >> Oh, yeah. Yes. Huff.

[16:37] >> Bye.

[16:37] >> Oh, you got to go.

[16:39] >> All right. Thank you, sweetheart. Take

[16:40] care.

[16:41] >> Okay. [music]

[16:42] [applause]

[16:44] >> Thank you for dropping by.

[16:47] [music and applause]

[16:51] Goodbye, sweetheart.

[16:53] Goodbye, buddy. Wave goodbye to

[16:56] everybody.

[16:58] Can you wave goodbye? Just wave goodbye.

[17:00] There he just There. That's it.

[17:03] >> [music]

[17:05] [applause]

[17:07] [laughter]

[17:10] >> I know everybody else in the audience is

[17:12] saying, "How come the kid gets to leave?

[17:18] [laughter]

[17:20] We got to stay here for another hour."

[17:22] Well, that's just the way it goes. Uh

[17:25] oh. Uh, do me a favor. Say hello to our

[17:27] good friend Andy Kindler. Come right on

[17:29] out here, Andy. [applause and music]

[17:40] >> [music]

[17:41] >> Andy, Andy, Andy, welcome back to the

[17:43] program. How long have you been doing

[17:44] these special videotape reports for us?

[17:46] >> The first one was uh in October of 2005.

[17:51] >> 2005. And in that time, you've done

[17:53] dozens and dozens of reports on all

[17:55] manner of topic.

[17:56] >> I overexaggerate how many I've done. Say

[17:58] hundreds.

[17:58] >> That's fine. But tonight, finally, I I

[18:01] think that there's something that's

[18:02] going to be both entertaining and

[18:04] something we can find useful. Tell the

[18:05] folks what you're doing tonight.

[18:06] >> Well, I hope it's uh informative, but

[18:08] there'll be laughs uh throughout.

[18:10] >> Great. What is the topic? [laughter]

[18:12] >> Global warming.

[18:12] >> Global warming.

[18:13] >> Yes.

[18:14] >> Climate change. It's

[18:15] >> funny already.

[18:16] >> Yeah. And you went up to Columbia

[18:18] University.

[18:19] >> Yes. I went to uh to a couple different

[18:20] places to speak to some experts. And I

[18:22] didn't know anything about this really

[18:23] because uh up until about six months

[18:25] ago, I I was burning my garbage. So, uh,

[18:28] [laughter]

[18:28] no, I I also have a a coal running car.

[18:31] I don't know if

[18:32] >> Wait a minute. Your car runs on coal.

[18:34] Oh, now see, this is a mistake. Do you

[18:35] get pretty good mileage, though?

[18:36] >> Yes, I do.

[18:37] >> Yeah. Well, that's the problem.

[18:38] >> All the coal comes from Sar Redston's

[18:40] coal mine.

[18:41] >> What now? Uh, so here, ladies and

[18:43] gentlemen, um, Andy Kindler, and he's

[18:46] talking to people, experts, about

[18:48] climate change. Take a look.

[18:51] >> My name is Gavin Schmidt. [music] I'm a

[18:53] climate scientist at the NASA Gard

[18:55] Institute for Space Studies. So,

[19:00] we're trying to work out all the

[19:01] different things that are affecting the

[19:03] climate. Um, the different greenhouse

[19:04] gases, methane, carbon dioxide, nitro,

[19:08] >> methane.

[19:08] >> I don't think you're pronouncing that

[19:09] right. It's methane, isn't it?

[19:10] >> It It's methane.

[19:12] >> Maybe your whole problem is that you're

[19:13] mispronouncing the word methane all

[19:15] these years. You're calling it methane

[19:17] and the other scientists are working on

[19:18] methane and then you go, "Oh, great. I

[19:21] thought you wanted me to work on the

[19:22] methane." Stuart Gapton, [music]

[19:24] associate research scientist, Columbia

[19:26] University.

[19:29] [music]

[19:30] >> I met Stuart at top Columbia

[19:31] University's experimental green roof, a

[19:34] way to bring plants [music] back to New

[19:35] York City.

[19:36] >> We've got 30 to 40 square miles of roofs

[19:38] in New York. They're just sitting there.

[19:39] Heat islands heating up the city.

[19:42] >> I was in a movie called Heat Island. Did

[19:44] you ever see it?

[19:48] George Kla,

[19:50] senior research [music]

[19:52] scientist of Columbia University.

[19:57] George's controversial theory states

[19:59] that while there is evidence of climate

[20:01] change, it's part of Earth's natural

[20:03] climate cycle [music] and not primarily

[20:05] man-made.

[20:06] >> What's causing it is the movement of the

[20:10] sun with respect to the airs. Have you

[20:14] presented your theories to the

[20:16] government?

[20:17] >> Alen Gore.

[20:18] >> You talked to Al Gore?

[20:19] >> Yes.

[20:20] >> And what was his reaction?

[20:21] >> He's he's most of that is bull.

[20:24] >> How do you clean? How do you make coal

[20:26] completely clean?

[20:27] >> Well, you have to put in what's called

[20:28] carbon sequestration. You have to

[20:30] capture the carbon dioxide.

[20:32] >> What was the word?

[20:32] >> Carbon sequestration.

[20:33] >> I thought it was sequestration. Your

[20:35] accent was cute at first, but now it's

[20:37] starting to get annoying.

[20:38] >> I'm Dr. Joseph Rome. I run the blog

[20:40] climateprogress.org or for the Center

[20:42] for American Progress. [music]

[20:46] >> If we don't do anything about global

[20:47] warming, if we just let it go, tell me

[20:50] what's going to happen.

[20:51] >> Well, by the end of the century, much of

[20:52] the United States will be 10 to 15°

[20:55] Fahrenheit warmer on average. From

[20:58] Kansas to California, could be in

[21:00] permanent drought, could be turned into

[21:02] a desert, and the ocean could be turned

[21:03] into a hot, acidic, lifeless, dead zone.

[21:06] Joe, what you're saying is very, very

[21:07] depressing, but I think I have a way

[21:08] that we could make it seem less grim.

[21:11] >> A permanent desert from Kansas to

[21:13] California, and we could have the ocean

[21:15] turn into a hot, acidic, lifeless dead

[21:17] zone.

[21:18] >> Would this help at all?

[21:21] >> This way, I won't release the carbon

[21:23] dioxide. And if everybody did this, if

[21:26] everybody instead of releasing carbon

[21:28] dioxide just kind of held it in more.

[21:30] >> No, it would be absolutely foolish.

[21:31] >> Why not? Because I'm not releasing

[21:32] carbon dioxide. If everyone did this for

[21:34] 20, 30 minutes a day, would it have any

[21:36] effect?

[21:37] >> Absolutely nothing. It would just harm a

[21:39] lot of people.

[21:39] >> Why not? Because you It's reducing the

[21:41] carbon dioxide. Am I not correct about

[21:43] that?

[21:44] >> It's not It's not reducing it enough.

[21:46] >> Does science forbid you [music] from

[21:47] laughing at any of my jokes?

[21:49] >> Julia, I'd like to present to you a

[21:50] climate change demonstration that I have

[21:53] devised on my own. Would you like to see

[21:55] that? This is the Earth. This is the

[21:58] atmosphere. These are the greenhouse

[22:00] gases. This is the sun.

[22:06] M.

[22:08] Global warming is delicious. Would you

[22:10] like a bite?

[22:14] >> Just try it.

[22:14] >> This is uh an attempt to work out what's

[22:17] been going on in the climate since the

[22:18] beginning of the century. And as you get

[22:20] to about where we are now, 1990, 2001,

[22:22] it's starting to get a little bit more

[22:24] orange. And then now we're going into

[22:25] the future. This is what we think might

[22:27] be happening uh if we continue on as

[22:29] business as usual. And then you can see

[22:30] it gets a lot redder.

[22:32] >> Can you get YouTube on this thing?

[22:33] >> Oh yeah. [laughter]

[22:35] >> Have you seen that video where the

[22:37] turtles trying to have sex with a shoe?

[22:49] [music]

[22:51] >> I feel better prepared going forward

[22:54] now. I know what to expect.

[22:56] Andy Kiddler will be appearing at Comics

[22:58] uh Friday, June 19th and Saturday, June

[23:01] 20th, right here in New York City. Great

[23:03] job, Andy. Always a pleasure. Thanks for

[23:06] having me,

[23:06] >> Andy Kler. We'll be right back with

[23:08] Bruce Willis in the top 10 list, ladies

[23:10] and gentlemen. [music]

[23:19] [music] Can't stop weeding? Then apply

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[23:28] works so you don't have to.

[23:31] >> All state has more discounts than you

[23:32] can imagine. For anti-lock brakes, for

[23:35] safe driving, airbags, ensuring your car

[23:37] and home, anti- theft devices. Let's

[23:40] see. New cars, people over 65, good

[23:44] students, emergency medical.

[23:46] >> Hello, I'm a Mac.

[23:47] >> And I'm a PC and I'm headed to the

[23:48] future.

[23:49] >> What? The future? Really?

[23:50] >> Yes, Mac. Throughout human history, PCs

[23:52] have had to deal with freezing,

[23:53] crashing, error messages. I need to know

[23:55] if we're ever going to work the way we

[23:56] should. So, I'm going to the year 2150.

[23:58] >> Wow, that's amazing. Well, good luck. I

[24:00] hope it works.

[24:02] >> Greetings. I'm a Mac.

[24:03] >> And I'm a PC. Future PC. Have they

[24:06] figured out how to fix our issues? Have

[24:07] they figured out how to make us stable

[24:08] and as hassle-free as a Mac?

[24:10] >> Future PC just froze.

[24:12] >> So, that answers that question.

[24:18] >> Mom.

[24:20] Mama.

[24:23] >> Mama.

[24:25] >> Mom.

[24:30] >> It's mommy.

[24:33] >> Mom rocks.

[24:36] This Mother's Day, celebrate her with

[24:38] these diamond solitire earrings or this

[24:40] pendant or earrings. Your choice. Just

[24:42] $2.99 each. At Zales, America's diamond

[24:44] store since 1924.

[24:47] This Friday. The wait is over. Rolling

[24:51] Stone calls Star Trek exhilarating.

[24:53] >> I'm impressed.

[24:53] >> It's the perfect film. The Los Angeles

[24:56] Times says it's this year's Iron Man.

[24:58] >> THAT'S EXCITING.

[25:00] >> Star Trek, rated PG-13.

[25:03] >> Guys, remember we're a solar system.

[25:10] Mars is down. And

[25:12] um it's only 10:00 a.m. Who hasn't had

[25:15] their Jimmy Dean breakfast this morning?

[25:18] >> [music]

[25:20] >> M.

[25:22] >> Now let's orbit.

[25:23] >> I feel awesome. You're all awesome.

[25:27] >> Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches. Fight

[25:29] [music] the morning fade. Jimmy Dean.

[25:31] Shine on.

[25:33] >> We select [music] our coffee beans for

[25:35] their flavor notes. There's Brazil,

[25:37] Guatemala, and Costa Rica. Sounds good,

[25:40] doesn't it? Mcafe [music] Coffees.

[25:43] That's what we're made of.

[25:48] >> [screaming]

[25:49] >> begging police.

[25:52] >> Someone's trying to send us a message.

[25:55] >> Don't miss an all new CSI CBS Thursday.

[25:59] >> Wow.

[26:00] >> What?

[26:01] >> Nothing. Nothing.

[26:01] >> I can take this whenever you guys are

[26:03] ready.

[26:03] >> Oh, thanks.

[26:04] >> Cuz I paid for it last. So, you know,

[26:07] >> that's it. Love this place. Free Wi-Fi,

[26:11] >> free paper, free refills.

[26:12] >> If you like free, you'll love Wamu. Free

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[26:19] >> Do you have a Biscati? Another one.

[26:21] >> Biscotti's free.

[26:22] >> Yeah, I knew that.

[26:23] >> Free checking from Wamu. Now backed by

[26:25] [music] the power of Chase.

[26:30] This is not a cupcake. It's a Wi-Fi

[26:33] hotspot with a little bit of coverage.

[26:38] These are the laptop cards the phone

[26:39] [music] companies offer. More coverage,

[26:41] but they're kind of slow.

[26:45] And this is Clear. Clear covers [music]

[26:48] entire cities with a super fast mobile

[26:50] internet called YMAX.

[26:53] Welcome to the future.

[26:56] [music]

[26:59] I'm Bob Lampair and we're clearing out

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[27:33] [applause]

[27:33] This is great because uh whenever we

[27:35] have this guy on the show, people go

[27:37] crazy. Uh they're excited because one a

[27:40] huge movie star, a fine actor, and a

[27:44] genuinely great guy. Yes. So that's why

[27:46] everybody's always excited when he's on

[27:48] the program. He is films. Listen to

[27:50] this. His movies over his career now

[27:52] have done so much business at the box

[27:54] office that that scientists and

[27:57] technologists right now are working

[27:59] round the clock trying to develop an

[28:01] even larger box office.

[28:05] That's true. Here he is, ladies and

[28:08] gentlemen, the one, the only Bruce

[28:09] Willis.

[28:11] [music]

[28:27] [music]

[28:31] Can I touch that?

[28:36] Wow. Wow. I'm stunned. I wasn't

[28:38] expecting this. Well,

[28:41] >> are you Are you all right? What is that?

[28:42] >> I'm good. I can barely hear you, but

[28:46] really good. Really good. Been a little

[28:48] clumsy lately.

[28:49] >> A little clumsy around the house. And uh

[28:53] [laughter]

[28:57] >> what' you say?

[28:58] >> Clumsy around the house.

[28:59] >> Clumsy around the house. Clumsy around

[29:00] the house. And clumsy on the sets. You

[29:02] know, you you get a little, you know,

[29:04] kicked in the head sometimes, banged

[29:05] around. So, I

[29:06] >> Well, you do a lot of your own stunts,

[29:07] right?

[29:08] >> I do all my own stunts, buddy.

[29:09] >> So, you have to be extra careful.

[29:11] >> Extra careful.

[29:12] >> Protect the head.

[29:13] >> So, I'm getting a little older, so I

[29:14] figure around the house. I was fooling

[29:16] around one of them little rubber band

[29:18] balls, you know, they have that real big

[29:19] giant one.

[29:20] >> Sure.

[29:21] >> Out in Nebraska somewhere. [laughter]

[29:23] Uh, it's the second biggest one I found

[29:26] out.

[29:27] >> But this protects my head, as you can

[29:29] see.

[29:30] >> Yeah. Uh, I'd like to call it Bruce

[29:32] Willis's concussion buster.

[29:35] >> Concussion buster.

[29:36] >> Concussion buster. Let me give you a

[29:37] little I don't want to spill anything

[29:39] last time. No. No. Watch this. Watch

[29:41] this.

[29:44] [laughter]

[29:46] >> No problem.

[29:49] >> Wow. No problem.

[29:51] >> Yeah, that was very impressive.

[29:53] I I got

[29:54] >> By the way, you're not the first guest

[29:56] to do that.

[29:58] >> And not always in the line of duty

[29:59] either. Exactly. I'll tell you what.

[30:01] This is this is an empty bottle of wild

[30:03] turkey we had laying around the house.

[30:04] Just give Just hit me in the head with

[30:05] that.

[30:06] >> This was laying around the house just in

[30:09] the living room. Now, what did you say?

[30:10] I'm sorry.

[30:10] >> Just grab by the by the neck there and

[30:13] just whack me in the head with it.

[30:15] >> Let her rip. Let her go. Now, folks, you

[30:18] kids at home, I don't want you trying

[30:19] this.

[30:21] Give it a smack.

[30:24] One, two, three.

[30:28] [cheering]

[30:29] [applause]

[30:30] >> See what I'm saying?

[30:31] >> Wow.

[30:32] >> The concussion buster. Are you all

[30:34] right?

[30:34] >> I'm fine. I'm fine. I showed this baby

[30:37] to Ralph Nater. [laughter]

[30:40] He wants to call it the seat belt of the

[30:42] 21st century.

[30:43] >> Is that a fact?

[30:44] >> Now, who would know?

[30:45] >> Just to show you.

[30:47] >> Ouch. Yeah.

[30:48] >> Look at that.

[30:49] >> So, this is a a rubber band ball. And

[30:51] you hollowed it out.

[30:52] >> Well, I just wrapped it around my head.

[30:54] About 5,000 rubber bands it took.

[30:56] >> Wow.

[30:56] >> And just to show you cuz I know you've

[30:58] heard me call Wow, this is glass

[30:59] everywhere. Look at that. I know you've

[31:01] heard me call a hard head, but just to

[31:03] prove that this thing works better than

[31:05] my own head. I actually found this.

[31:07] What's this? Oh, that's just a bottle of

[31:08] wine. Just go ahead and just hit me in

[31:10] the head with that now. Let's just see

[31:11] what happens.

[31:11] >> Well, no. No, I'm not.

[31:12] >> Come on. Just go. We We've done stunts

[31:14] before.

[31:15] >> I know, but I don't want to hurt you.

[31:16] >> Right back here.

[31:17] >> Let her rip. One.

[31:18] >> Are you sure?

[31:19] >> Two. Three.

[31:23] Are you all right?

[31:24] >> I'm fine. [applause]

[31:27] >> Oh my goodness.

[31:31] [applause]

[31:32] >> Whoa. You all right, Bruce?

[31:33] >> Where are we?

[31:36] >> Ed Sullivan Theater.

[31:37] >> Ed Sullivan Theater.

[31:38] >> I'm Dave.

[31:39] >> Yeah.

[31:39] >> Hi. How

[31:40] >> nice to see you, Bruce.

[31:41] >> Yeah.

[31:42] >> Now, uh uh the concussion buster is that

[31:45] you say you're marketing that now.

[31:46] marketing that all summer on QVC. It's

[31:49] called

[31:50] >> the Bruce Willis.

[31:51] >> Let me see this.

[31:52] >> Concussion buster kit.

[31:54] >> Oh, I see.

[31:58] >> You see that, [applause]

[32:00] Paul?

[32:02] >> Concussion.

[32:03] >> I got one for you, too, buddy.

[32:04] Concussion buster.

[32:05] >> Yeah, that's great.

[32:06] >> Save that for I'm good. And uh what

[32:08] what'll that go for?

[32:10] >> Uh $49.95.

[32:11] >> Yeah. Good for you. Good for you. I You

[32:13] know what I admire about you, Bruce?

[32:14] You're always thinking. I'm always

[32:16] thinking

[32:16] >> you're the personification of the old

[32:18] saying, there is no off position on the

[32:20] genius switch.

[32:22] >> You know what I'm saying?

[32:23] >> Like that, buddy. I couldn't agree more.

[32:25] >> Hey, by the way, and uh uh I know this

[32:28] must have thrilled your brand new wife

[32:30] when she saw you with a rubber band

[32:31] helmet. She must have said to herself,

[32:34] "I married a tool."

[32:37] Um

[32:39] yes, she did. Yes, she did, Mike. That

[32:43] gnarling child, right? But

[32:45] congratulations. Tell us her name is

[32:47] Emma. Is that correct?

[32:48] >> Emma. Emma Willis, by the way.

[32:49] >> Emma Willis. Good

[32:50] >> name. Used to be Emma Heming. Now Emma

[32:52] Willis.

[32:52] >> And uh how did how how did you meet?

[32:54] Where did you meet? That sort of thing.

[32:56] >> We met at the uh gym, a gymnasium in Los

[32:59] Angeles. And I was checking out to go

[33:01] see if it would be good for me. And she

[33:03] was coming out and our um very good

[33:05] friend Gunnar Peterson.

[33:06] >> Gunnar

[33:07] >> uh was he's the you know trainer, owner

[33:10] of the gym, Gunnar. Gunnar Peterson. Uh

[33:12] she was walking out and I said, "Gunar,

[33:15] [snorts] um I let me just say one thing

[33:17] to you."

[33:20] >> Really? Is that right?

[33:21] >> Who is that?

[33:22] >> Yeah.

[33:22] >> Who is that? We introduced this and

[33:25] >> uh at the time uh we uh had to remain

[33:28] friends for uh about 3 years.

[33:30] >> And why is that? You had to remain

[33:31] friends.

[33:32] >> Well, no, she was otherwise uh you know,

[33:34] she

[33:34] >> had had a boyfriend,

[33:35] >> had a had a guy

[33:36] >> and you observed the code that you don't

[33:38] >> learn the code. you know, you don't bird

[33:40] dog other guys, girls.

[33:42] >> Um, at least I don't. Uh, and um then

[33:47] she was uh she was not um uh well, she

[33:51] became available, let's say, available.

[33:53] And I called her up, we went on a date.

[33:55] And

[33:55] >> how'd that go?

[33:56] >> Great. What did you do on the first

[33:57] date? Dinner, go to the gym. What did

[33:59] you do?

[34:00] >> Dinner. A few drinks. Um

[34:03] Bruce,

[34:06] >> no. No, I saved it, buddy. I saved it

[34:08] up. I saved it up. I was very polite.

[34:10] >> Uh and then she moved to New York.

[34:12] >> Moved to New York. Is she Is she an

[34:13] actress? She was she actress. She uh

[34:16] tried acting briefly,

[34:17] >> right?

[34:18] >> Briefly. And uh didn't care for it.

[34:20] >> Uhhuh.

[34:20] >> Does a little modeling now. And uh looks

[34:23] after me cuz I need a little looking

[34:26] after.

[34:26] >> I know. I think so. Uh

[34:28] >> Dad, your robe's open. You know, a lot

[34:30] of that.

[34:32] >> Yeah.

[34:32] >> Nobody wants to see that.

[34:33] >> Oh, nobody needs to see that. No.

[34:35] >> Wow. Now, um, h, how how does she fit in

[34:38] and get along with the extended family?

[34:40] >> Great. Yeah,

[34:41] >> great. Fits in like a like a Swiss

[34:43] watch. Just unbelievable.

[34:44] >> Good.

[34:45] >> Everybody gets along. Everybody loves

[34:46] her. She's just fabulous. I I think she

[34:48] I think she's here somewhere.

[34:49] >> Oh, she is here,

[34:50] >> Frank. Is she backstage?

[34:51] >> Can we see Do you mind if Oh, hey, baby.

[34:53] >> Oh, man.

[34:56] [applause]

[34:56] >> Emma Willis.

[35:00] >> Whoa. You see the rubber band head,

[35:02] honey?

[35:02] >> She's beautiful. [laughter]

[35:04] She spent a whole week with rapping and

[35:06] rubber bands around my head. She's

[35:08] >> Oh, she's gorgeous. A lovely woman. And

[35:09] And you guys have a lot in common. She

[35:11] looks younger. A little younger than

[35:13] >> younger. Is she

[35:14] >> turns 18, I think, in about two weeks.

[35:16] >> Now, Bruce,

[35:18] >> what? Please.

[35:19] >> I'm kidding. No.

[35:21] >> Tell us about the uh

[35:22] >> Hi.

[35:23] >> Tell us about the wedding. The big

[35:24] wedding.

[35:25] >> Uh small small wedding. Very small

[35:27] wedding. Uh we we included um the kids,

[35:31] of course.

[35:31] >> The kids, of course. Let's run them

[35:32] down. down rumor. Well, Tula was

[35:35] starting in ascending or Tula Scout

[35:38] Rumor.

[35:38] >> Yeah, they were all there.

[35:39] >> They were there. And you know, friends

[35:41] of ours who were instrumental in

[35:43] bringing us together.

[35:44] >> Gunner, of course, was there.

[35:46] >> Gunner

[35:47] sadly couldn't make it. Was the only guy

[35:50] [laughter]

[35:50] >> didn't make it. He was training. Todd

[35:52] Brady.

[35:52] >> That's right. He was pumping iron.

[35:54] >> And Miss Bushin, [laughter]

[35:57] you like saying that name?

[35:58] >> Yes, I do. Yeah. Uh, and where'd you

[36:00] have the big wedding? Uh off the coast

[36:02] of Somalia.

[36:07] Big mistake.

[36:07] >> Yeah, that doesn't

[36:08] >> Bad timing.

[36:10] >> Was it was a travel agent kind of a

[36:13] thing?

[36:13] >> Uh we fired that travel agent.

[36:15] >> Yeah, you got to book your own trip.

[36:16] >> Hey, but I heard you got married this

[36:18] like the same weekend.

[36:20] >> Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

[36:21] >> Up in up in uh Montana.

[36:23] Have fun.

[36:24] >> Oh, yeah.

[36:25] >> Nice.

[36:27] >> Yeah, it was it was nice. Got the truck

[36:28] stuck. Let me ask you. And by the way,

[36:31] that's not a euphemism. That actually

[36:32] happened. That actually happened.

[36:36] >> Oh, nice. Nice. [applause] Is my son

[36:39] still here?

[36:41] What time is it? Come on. It's late.

[36:43] This is late. It's 11:30 at night.

[36:45] [laughter]

[36:46] >> So, has anything changed for you

[36:48] marriage-wise? Anything? Anything

[36:49] different?

[36:50] >> Yeah, it's different. [laughter]

[36:53] >> You know what I've noticed? I this

[36:55] probably hadn't happened for you, but my

[36:56] wife, all her girlfriends and everybody

[36:59] gets together and it's just been

[37:00] non-stop parties for her.

[37:03] >> I've had, believe me, I mean, no

[37:06] >> party. No,

[37:07] >> no. Uh, no bachelor party,

[37:09] >> nothing.

[37:09] >> Me neither.

[37:09] >> Not even a card.

[37:11] >> But guess what?

[37:12] >> What?

[37:12] >> Your old buddy looking after you.

[37:14] >> Really?

[37:14] >> Called the service.

[37:15] >> Uhoh.

[37:16] >> Call the service right here on the big

[37:17] show. I called up 1800. Send me some

[37:20] broads. And uh I asked for a big

[37:24] >> Wait a minute.

[37:25] >> Blonde. No. No. A stripper.

[37:27] >> 1 800. Send me some bra.

[37:29] >> I got a card right here. Hold on. What

[37:32] the hell is it?

[37:32] >> Oh my goodness.

[37:33] >> There's a number right there. You're

[37:34] going to need that.

[37:35] >> Oh, there it is right there.

[37:36] >> It's a long number.

[37:37] >> I think I can remember the number.

[37:39] >> 1800. Send me some broads.

[37:40] >> Send me some broads.

[37:42] >> I I don't know where I found that

[37:43] number, but I hired us a stripper, a big

[37:46] hot chesty blonde named Terry.

[37:49] >> Oh,

[37:49] >> Terry, come on out. Oh, not here. No,

[37:52] not here. No, wait a minute. Oh, that's

[38:04] [music]

[38:07] okay. Okay. All right. All right. All

[38:09] right.

[38:10] >> That's a nice,

[38:11] >> Terry. Nice. Nice.

[38:12] >> Oh, God.

[38:13] >> I don't think you're going to be needing

[38:14] this, Dave.

[38:14] >> All right.

[38:15] >> All right.

[38:16] >> Thanks,

[38:16] >> Terry.

[38:17] >> Yeah,

[38:18] >> Terry. Huh?

[38:18] >> Hey, take your Hey.

[38:19] >> Whoa. Whoa. Oh, there your props, buddy.

[38:22] Your props. Get your stuff. Get your

[38:23] stuff.

[38:25] >> Blonde and chesty. Okay.

[38:27] >> Give my best to give my best to Sting.

[38:33] >> Oh my gosh.

[38:34] >> Whoa. Horrible.

[38:37] Talking about horrible. Here's what

[38:38] changed for me since I got married.

[38:40] >> Send me some broads.

[38:41] >> Send me some bras. One. Just forget

[38:43] this. [laughter]

[38:44] I'm nice. Don't let it Don't let that

[38:46] fall in the wrong hand. No either.

[38:47] >> Exactly. Yeah. So, what has changed for

[38:49] you?

[38:50] >> Well, what what's I'm having these I'm

[38:51] having nightmares. I'm having these

[38:53] weird dreams that last night.

[38:55] >> Anxiety, maybe.

[38:56] >> Nuts. Nuts. I'm telling you, I'll tell

[38:57] you what happened last night.

[38:59] >> In my dream, I'm there. All of a sudden,

[39:02] I'm in uh an animal emergency room and

[39:05] they got a little hamster on the thing

[39:07] and they're working on him and this

[39:08] guy's not doing well.

[39:10] All of a sudden, I hear this voice

[39:12] clear.

[39:13] I look around, they take out these tiny

[39:15] little paddles and they put them on the

[39:16] hamster.

[39:18] It's like you putting your tongue on a

[39:20] 9volt battery. I mean, how

[39:21] >> Oh, yeah. Exactly.

[39:22] >> But anyway, the hamster

[39:24] is the mort and it's very silent in the

[39:28] uh the operating room in the O there.

[39:31] And a big nurse comes over. I mean, a

[39:33] big nurse, big. And she goes, "Uh, Mr.

[39:37] Willis, uh we obviously lost the hamster

[39:40] and um going to help you through this

[39:42] right now. Would you please stand up?

[39:43] Can I can I show you what I'm I So, I

[39:45] stand up in my dream." name. She says,

[39:46] "Now I want you to put your arms out

[39:48] like this." Put my arms out like that.

[39:51] She says, "Now hug me." [laughter]

[39:54] And I go, "It's not my hamster." She

[39:57] goes, "Hug me.

[39:59] [laughter]

[39:59] HUG ME." I WAKE UP. I'm crying. Emma's

[40:03] slapping me. I'm going, "Hamster, honey.

[40:05] I I don't have a hamster, do I? Hug me."

[40:10] Nightmare. Not good.

[40:14] >> So that's what's new for me. Yeah,

[40:16] marriage wise. We'll be right back with

[40:18] Bruce Willis, ladies and gentlemen.

[40:24] [music]

[40:27] >> Are you and your gray hair facing an

[40:29] identity crisis?

[40:30] >> My hair says experience. [music] My hair

[40:32] says energy.

[40:33] >> Touch of gray. The best of both. Combs

[40:35] away a little gray. Never too much. Just

[40:37] right.

[40:37] >> Now I look like I know what I'm doing

[40:39] and can still do it.

[40:41] >> Touch of gray.

[40:42] >> Okay, good news and bad news. The bad

[40:44] news is Direct TV is killing us by

[40:47] offering way more TV for the money.

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[40:50] >> The good news is that there's no more

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[40:57] >> Did you know that 1 in five American

[40:59] adults has genital herpes? That's

[41:01] because so few people know they're

[41:03] spreading it. [music] My patients really

[41:04] try to be careful, but many are

[41:06] surprised to learn they can still spread

[41:08] herpes between outbreaks.

[41:10] >> [music]

[41:10] >> In fact, genital herpes can be spread at

[41:12] any time, even without signs or

[41:13] symptoms. The CDC recommends daily

[41:16] medication as part of a plan to reduce

[41:18] the risk of spreading genital herpes.

[41:20] Once [music] daily, Valrax is the only

[41:22] medicine proven to reduce that risk.

[41:24] >> Always use safer sex practices [music]

[41:26] with daily therapy, which also includes

[41:27] avoiding sexual contact when you get or

[41:29] think you're getting an outbreak.

[41:30] [music] There's no cure for herpes. Even

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[41:46] >> I have genital herpes

[41:47] >> and [music] I still don't.

[41:49] >> And now we're doing more to help keep it

[41:50] that way.

[41:51] >> Ask your doctor about once daily Valtrax

[41:53] and save [music] up to $10 on every 30

[41:55] caplets at valtrex.com. Survivor

[41:58] Thursday. It's the most extreme auction

[42:00] ever. Why is everyone freaking out? All

[42:05] new Survivor CBS Thursday.

[42:07] Donate or buy a used car from Portland

[42:09] Rescue Mission and help hurting people

[42:11] right here in our community [music] with

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[42:38] Home is where I want to be. The only

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[43:04] Home begins with an Olympic finish.

[43:08] >> It was like the most amazing thing. All

[43:11] fiery orange and pink birds were

[43:14] singing. It was so

[43:18] surreal.

[43:20] >> Yeah, it's called morning.

[43:24] >> I like it.

[43:26] >> Morning just got tastier with Subway

[43:28] flatbread omelette sandwiches. Like

[43:29] [music] the tasty western and cheese

[43:30] with black forest ham or the double

[43:32] bacon and cheese. Top it off with a cup

[43:34] of freshly brewed Seattle's best coffee.

[43:35] Subway. E fresh.

[43:43] [music]

[43:46] Great. You know, uh Bruce Willis, ladies

[43:50] and gentlemen. Hey, [applause]

[43:52] uh here's another thing that I have

[43:54] always admired about your career. You've

[43:56] been in uh huge blockbuster movies, you

[43:59] know, billions of dollars and and uh and

[44:02] also uh small important well-crafted uh

[44:05] like indie film independent. Exactly.

[44:06] Right. And you've been very generous uh

[44:09] appearing in in cameo parts in uh films

[44:12] for other to support other actors.

[44:13] Correct. And you don't get, you know,

[44:15] necessarily billing for it, but when

[44:17] when people take credit Yeah. When

[44:18] people see you on the screen, they can

[44:21] relax because they know, oh, this is a

[44:23] quality endeavor because Bruce Willis

[44:25] would not be in anything less than a

[44:26] quality.

[44:26] >> Brings a little star shine to them.

[44:27] >> Exactly. That's right. That's what I was

[44:29] trying to say. And um

[44:31] >> got a picture out right now.

[44:32] >> Yeah, that's right. And and I don't

[44:34] think people know this, but tell them

[44:35] all about it.

[44:36] >> Obsessed. You may have heard of this

[44:37] picture. Beyonce number one. Number one

[44:40] for couple weeks. Several weeks. Um I

[44:44] had a small but pivotal role. Mhm.

[44:46] >> play the uh nextdoor neighbor Derek. Uh

[44:49] if you haven't seen the film, it's a

[44:50] premise of a uh of a a great woman, you

[44:54] know, Beyonce uh who is happily married,

[44:57] happily married with a child, and

[44:59] there's another woman trying to take her

[45:01] guy.

[45:02] >> And let me tell you, Beyonce will not

[45:03] take you taking another guy.

[45:06] >> Okay,

[45:06] >> so I play the next door neighbor, Derek.

[45:10] Um let's take a [laughter] look. Wait a

[45:12] minute. Next door neighbor. Next door

[45:13] Beyonce's next door neighbor. There's

[45:15] trouble in the house.

[45:16] >> Trouble in the house.

[45:16] >> Trouble in the house. You're the next

[45:18] door neighbor, Derek.

[45:18] >> Small but pivotal role.

[45:19] >> All right, take a look. You're going to

[45:21] love this.

[45:22] >> Don't touch me.

[45:53] Hey, how you guys doing? This is uh your

[45:54] neighbor, next door neighbor, Derek. I

[45:56] thought I was a wrestler in high school.

[45:58] >> I wouldn't mind getting in on a little

[46:00] bit of this action.

[46:02] >> Derek, I'm going to call you back.

[46:05] >> Wow.

[46:07] Unbelievable.

[46:09] >> Unbelievable.

[46:10] >> Holy cow.

[46:10] >> Just amazing. [applause]

[46:13] >> Just amazing. That was lovely. Uh

[46:16] >> material.

[46:17] >> I think I think marriage agrees with

[46:18] you. This is one of your strongest

[46:20] efforts ever, Bruce.

[46:21] >> Very much.

[46:22] >> My best to your wife. My best to your

[46:23] family. God bless you, sir. Thank you

[46:25] for being here. Bruce Willis, ladies and

[46:26] gentlemen. We'll be right back with Ben

[46:28] Harper and Relentless 7. [music]

[46:33] [applause]

[46:38] Who's bailing me out? All right, that's

[46:40] what I want to know.

[46:42] >> My wife and I thought we were going to

[46:44] retire soon and now we don't know when

[46:47] it's going to happen.

[46:50] >> But I don't even want to I don't want to

[46:51] look at it. I'm just [music] I'm still

[46:53] too afraid to look at my investments.

[46:57] >> A lot of people are willing to accept

[46:59] [music] what's going on. Well, I'm not

[47:01] one of those people.

[47:08] >> [music]

[47:09] >> It's Macy's one day sale Saturday with a

[47:12] preview day Friday with morning specials

[47:14] until 1:00 p.m. [music] These beautiful

[47:16] half karat diamond studs just $199.

[47:19] Save 50% on Charter Club and Styling

[47:21] [music] Company Linen Fashions. This

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[47:25] Our entire stock of pillows now 60% off.

[47:28] Get 33% [music] off stand mixers and

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[47:32] Quezin Art. Macy's one day sale Saturday

[47:34] with a preview day Friday. That's the

[47:36] magic of Macy's.

[47:38] >> Next, expect to hear Regis. IS THAT YOUR

[47:41] FINAL ANSWER?

[47:42] >> I TALK LIKE THIS when I'm doing Reges

[47:44] cuz when Regis does me, he goes,

[47:49] [screaming]

[47:52] "The Vegas police.

[47:55] Your husband was killed during an

[47:57] undercover operation. You want to catch

[47:59] a rat, move like a rat.

[48:01] >> It's going to be a war.

[48:02] >> Someone's trying to send us a message.

[48:06] >> Don't miss an [music] on your CSI CBS

[48:08] Thursday.

[48:10] >> This Mother's Day, [music] celebrate all

[48:12] the moms you know

[48:15] with 30 gifts under $30 from our Every

[48:17] [music] Mom Counts collection.

[48:19] >> For all the moms that count in your

[48:21] life,

[48:21] >> call or click 1800flowers.com [music]

[48:23] today.

[48:25] Professor London, can you help us?

[48:27] >> On May 15th, the phenomenon continues.

[48:30] Tom Hanks and director Ron Howard have

[48:33] taught the Da Vinci Code in every way

[48:35] imaginable.

[48:37] Angels and Demons, rated E13.

[48:40] >> Okay, I get it. These 10 sprinkles

[48:42] represent our friends and family, the 10

[48:44] people we can call, whatever network

[48:45] they're on, without using our minutes.

[48:47] >> That's included. No extra cost. Hm.

[48:49] >> Then these will be like 80 million

[48:52] people on Verizon Wireless. We can also

[48:54] call.

[48:54] >> Yep. Also included.

[48:56] >> Huh?

[48:58] >> Do you want whipped cream?

[48:59] >> Save minutes and money with Verizon

[49:01] Wireless. Unlimited calling to 10 out of

[49:02] [music] network numbers, even landlines.

[49:04] Plus, get America's largest mobile

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[49:09] $49.99.

[49:10] >> If you only had one night to live,

[49:13] >> she gets everything she wants today.

[49:15] >> How would you spend it?

[49:16] >> Isn't this her life? Take the shot. New

[49:18] flashoint. Then someone's copycatting

[49:21] old bank robberies. Has this ex FBI

[49:23] agent gone bad?

[49:25] >> You're not going to get a confession out

[49:27] of me.

[49:27] >> New numbers after a new Flashoint. CBS

[49:29] Friday.

[49:32] [music]

[49:33] [applause]

[49:40] [music]

[49:41] [applause]

[49:47] One Mississippi, two Mississippi. The 2C

[49:50] rule, it'll make you a safer driver. And

[49:53] at all state, it can also earn you a

[49:54] bonus check. Every 6 months, you're

[49:56] accident free. Can you afford not to be

[49:58] in good hands?

[50:11] Put your hands in the air and breathe.

[50:13] Now don't be stirred. Let it go. [music]

[50:15] Ain't nothing to it but the going to

[50:17] lose control. Get loose cuz I told you

[50:19] so. We going to get this party popping.

[50:21] Ready, set, go.

[50:22] >> Front, back, side to side. Front, front,

[50:24] [music] back, back, side to side. Move

[50:26] it front, back, side to side. Front,

[50:28] front, back, back, side to side. Move it

[50:30] up, down.

[50:32] >> What's a 13letter phrase for marriage

[50:34] proposal?

[50:34] >> I have absolutely no idea.

[50:36] >> He went to Jared.

[50:39] >> He went to Jared. Jared has thousands of

[50:41] loose diamonds [music] and hundreds of

[50:43] settings so you can create your

[50:44] one-of-a-kind ring at Jared, the

[50:46] Galleria of Jewelry.

[50:48] >> My name is Blake and I'm the chief

[50:50] shoegiver at Tom Shoes. I operate my

[50:54] entire business from my phone.

[50:58] I need a network [music] with great

[50:59] coverage because for every pair of shoes

[51:02] that we sell, we give a pair away to a

[51:04] child [music] in need.

[51:08] It would be impossible for me to do this

[51:10] without a network that works around

[51:11] [music] the world.

[51:13] >> More bars in more places. AT&T, the best

[51:16] coverage worldwide.

[51:21] >> Next. Oppa.

[51:23] >> Oppa.

[51:23] >> Yeah. What does that mean? And is it

[51:24] like ole?

[51:25] >> Hey.

[51:26] >> Oh, hey.

[51:26] >> Hey. [laughter]

[51:28] >> There's an actual Greek word that means

[51:30] hey.

[51:32] >> Will a battle with a vampire? Should we

[51:34] start looking for wooden sticks?

[51:35] >> Cost the ghost whisperer her husband's

[51:37] soul. I gave you eternity. A shocking

[51:40] new episode. CBS [music] Friday.

[51:48] >> I'm I'm surprised but happy that it

[51:49] worked out this way. We have a couple of

[51:51] minutes now and whenever we have some

[51:52] time, uh I just want to give a a boost

[51:54] to area merchants and and we're doing

[51:56] what we can. We all got to join hands

[51:57] and pull together in this economic

[51:59] downturn. And you probably saw the

[52:01] store. Maybe some of you bought some

[52:03] merchandise there. The Morley Safer

[52:05] sweatshirts are tremendous. [laughter]

[52:07] It's the the CBS store right out there

[52:09] and the the guy who runs it is named

[52:11] Stanley Kronite. And I like to check in

[52:13] every now and then. Is the camera in

[52:15] place, ladies and gentlemen? There's

[52:16] Stanley Kankite, everybody. Hey,

[52:18] Stanley. How you doing?

[52:20] >> Yeah. Stanley. Uh, is that What's the

[52:23] deal on the sombrero? I mean, it's cute,

[52:24] but what's the deal on that?

[52:26] >> Damn, you're [clears throat] good.

[52:27] >> Uhhuh.

[52:28] >> Yeah. You're like Matlock.

[52:30] >> Yeah. Is that left over from uh from

[52:33] what do you call it?

[52:34] >> It's because yesterday was Cinco de

[52:36] Mayo, right?

[52:37] >> Our prices are loco.

[52:38] >> Uhhuh.

[52:41] [laughter]

[52:41] >> That's great. He's crazy like that. He's

[52:43] always got something going on.

[52:44] >> Crazy.

[52:45] >> Give us an idea of some of those loco

[52:47] prices that people can take advantage

[52:48] of. Now, Stanley,

[52:50] >> uh well, buy two of any item and I'll

[52:53] take a dollar off the second item. Mhm.

[52:55] So, so if I get like a Katie Kurrick uh

[52:59] baseball hat

[53:01] for the 40 bucks and then the second one

[53:03] would be like

[53:04] >> 39 bucks.

[53:05] >> 39 bucks.

[53:08] Well, that

[53:10] I mean that that's great, but it doesn't

[53:12] exactly sound like it's loco.

[53:16] >> Hey, you find a better deal in the

[53:18] store, I'll beat it.

[53:24] Well, that that doesn't even make any

[53:26] sense. Uh Stanley, I'm sorry.

[53:30] >> Let me ask you something, duck face.

[53:32] >> Yeah.

[53:34] >> Have you ever worked a day in your life

[53:37] where you weren't wearing makeup?

[53:41] >> No. Come to think of it, I haven't. I

[53:42] haven't really

[53:45] >> I don't have a pansy showbiz job.

[53:48] >> Uhhuh.

[53:49] >> I work the corner. Life's hard on the

[53:52] corner,

[53:52] >> right? Okay. Now, Stanley, uh I don't

[53:54] know if this sale is going to encourage

[53:56] people to come in or not. Have you got

[53:58] anything else for them?

[53:59] >> Uh well, maybe uh maybe they'll come in

[54:03] for this. Huh?

[54:04] >> What is that?

[54:04] >> HEY, LOOK EVERYBODY. IT'S A DAVE

[54:06] LETTERMAN PINATA.

[54:08] >> NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, STANLEY. HEY, now

[54:10] come on. Hey. Hey. Hey. But I'm right

[54:14] here. I can see what you're doing. For

[54:15] heaven's sakes.

[54:18] Listen. Hey. Hey. Knock it off. We're uh

[54:22] we're running short on time. It's been a

[54:24] lot of fun visiting with you tonight.

[54:25] But before we go, hey Craze, how about a

[54:29] song?

[54:30] Show Mr. Dunny.

[54:31] >> Uhhuh.

[54:34] I can't stop this feeling

[54:37] [singing] deep inside [music]

[54:39] of me.

[54:41] Girl, you just don't realize what you do

[54:45] to me [music]

[54:48] when you hold me in your arms so [music]

[54:51] tight. You let me know everything's all

[54:55] right. [singing]

[54:58] I'm hooked on a feeling. [music]

[55:02] I'm high on

[55:05] [music] you.

[55:07] The Danley Kron kind everybody in the

[55:10] CBS store. We'll be right back with Ben

[55:12] Harper and the Relentless 7. [music]

[55:20] There are sales and then there's Slid

[55:23] Country's Super Sale. Save up to $500

[55:26] [music] on a great selection of firm

[55:28] plush and pillow top sets from Simmons

[55:30] Beauty Rest and Celipastropedic. Save up

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[55:36] convertible sofas. Get 24 months free

[55:38] financing, plus [music] a free bed frame

[55:40] with Tempropedic or the Sleep Number

[55:42] bed. There are sales and then there's

[55:45] Sleep Country's superale.

[55:47] [music]

[55:51] >> Wow.

[55:52] >> What?

[55:52] >> Nothing. Nothing.

[55:53] >> I can take this whenever you guys are

[55:55] ready.

[55:55] >> Oh, thanks.

[55:56] >> Cuz I paid for it last, so you know.

[55:59] >> That's it. Love this place. Free Wi-Fi,

[56:03] free paper, free refills.

[56:04] >> If you like free, you'll love Wamu free

[56:06] checking. [music] Get free online

[56:08] banking, a free debit card, free checks,

[56:09] and free ATM cash withdrawals.

[56:11] >> Do you have a biscotti? Another one?

[56:13] >> Scotty's free.

[56:13] >> Yeah, I knew that.

[56:15] >> Free [music] checking from Wamu. Now

[56:17] backed by the power of Chase.

[56:21] >> So, the insurance company and the folks

[56:23] that did this to me have some sort of

[56:25] arrangement. They get more work and the

[56:27] insurance company gets kickbacks. I see.

[56:34] Who wins here? Not me

[56:37] >> or me.

[56:42] >> Oh,

[56:44] [music]

[56:45] >> it's your right to choose who fixes your

[56:47] car, not the insurance companies. You

[56:49] know, I'm on your side.

[56:51] >> Building a deck. From durable hardwoods

[56:53] [music] to lowmaintenance composits,

[56:55] Crosscut has the selection you want and

[56:57] the service you need.

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[56:59] >> Truly a woodworker's candy store. For

[57:01] the finest in decking, make sure it's

[57:02] from Crosscut Hardwoods.

[57:06] >> Bluebird Moving and Storage, the [music]

[57:08] name to remember for keeping costs under

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