The Late Show with David Letterman (CBS) - 2001-01-03 (repeat from 2000-11-24)

Channel: malgent

Transcript

Language: English (original, Whisper AI)

[0:00] cbs.com and sign up for the global adventure series now from new york watch out for the

[0:07] sidewalk gravy it's the late show with david letterman

[0:14] tonight cbs mailbag matthew brunwick and singer david gray

[0:23] plus paul shaper and the cbs orchestra

[0:30] and now a man who claims he invented cranberry sauce

[0:38] dave

[0:39] who let her man

[1:00] thank you

[1:01] thank you very much

[2:00] thanksgiving what a wonderful holiday

[2:01] store i'm in there two minutes i was pushed i was shoved people were touching me i was

[2:08] i was grope i was i was licked hell i'm going back tomorrow

[2:24] how many of you enjoyed the big macy's parade yesterday

[2:35] i wish there was something i could do for you one day

[2:46] parade was windy it took 12 handlers to lash down and secure rudy giuliani's comb over

[3:02] you know

[3:03] well we had a big uh thanksgiving up at the letterman house and it happens every year it's a

[3:07] tradition now uh we have to drive mom to 7-eleven when she runs out of jim beam yes

[3:17] thanks thanksgiving is uh great but the real fun comes sunday when you drive your relatives back to

[3:22] the airport you know what i'm saying

[3:30] al gore had a big uh thanksgiving his wife tipper made her famous absentee ballot stuffing

[3:46] every every night now until uh we have a new president and they say it could be oh i don't

[3:51] know a couple of years now to commemorate and remember all the good fun that uh president clinton

[3:57] you remember president clinton each night here in the show we're telling a classic clinton joke

[4:03] from like years gone by in the clinton administration yeah so tonight's a classic clinton joke comes to

[4:08] us from november 26 1999 about a year ago a year ago one year ago president clinton classic joke right

[4:14] here on the show i'll tell it for you now well it was a typical thanksgiving day for president clinton

[4:20] first he started with a leg

[4:33] then a thigh and he moved on to a breast and after that it was time for dinner

[4:48] here you go

[5:23] fall did uh

[5:29] Did he borrow that from you?

[5:32] I'll make sure you get it back.

[5:33] That's all right.

[5:34] It's okay.

[5:35] Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Paul Schaefer, right over there.

[5:54] Thank you very much.

[6:01] I want to thank everybody for everything.

[6:03] It's been another wonderful year here at The Late Show, and happy Thanksgiving.

[6:05] Oh, thank you very much, and happy Thanksgiving to you.

[6:07] Thank you very much.

[6:08] On behalf of all of us in the orchestra, we wish you and yours.

[6:11] Yeah, that's good.

[6:12] Now, was it the night before Thanksgiving Richard Simmons was on the show?

[6:18] Yes, it was.

[6:19] So we had this Richard Simmons on the show, and I guess it's my fault.

[6:22] I guess there's some kind of bad chemistry there.

[6:25] I guess there's, we just don't, you know, the bad vibe, that's what it is.

[6:28] Often, yeah.

[6:29] Yeah, and so, if you didn't see the show, here's what happened in a nutshell.

[6:37] He wanted to kiss me.

[6:39] He desperately wanted to kiss me.

[6:43] I'm an adult.

[6:44] I'm possessed of free will.

[6:45] If I don't want him kissing me, I don't have to have him kissing me.

[6:48] I mean, I think we all agree on that, right?

[6:58] So he was misbehaving, I thought.

[7:00] Did you think he was misbehaving?

[7:02] Well, he really wanted to kiss you.

[7:03] All right.

[7:04] We've established that.

[7:07] And so, at the end of the show, and we're trying to wrap it up, and of course, I got

[7:10] the CO2 fire extinguisher, which is my only defense against this guy, honest to God.

[7:16] It's like bear spray when you're out in the wilderness.

[7:21] And so, we're finishing up the show, and he's got this ridiculous turkey suit that he made,

[7:25] and he's dancing around, and he's glistening with oil.

[7:30] And so, he lunges for me, and he's bound to determine to kiss me.

[7:34] And when he lunges for me, he grabs me in a headlock.

[7:37] Right.

[7:38] And, you know, when you're a kid, you wrestle around, and a guy gets you in a headlock.

[7:41] And you tell him when a guy's kidding, when a guy ain't kidding.

[7:43] Well, he wasn't kidding.

[7:44] He was trying to kill me, ladies and gentlemen, honestly.

[7:47] And can you imagine how embarrassing that would be if Richard Simmons actually killed me?

[7:55] So, now, when I realize he's hurting me, and I'm having trouble breathing, I don't like that.

[8:00] I don't like being hurt on the job.

[8:02] You know, there's a lot of paperwork you have to fill out, and then OSHA comes in, and they'll file a suit.

[8:09] So, I did the only thing that I could think of to do.

[8:12] I sort of broke three, and then I started screaming obscenities at him.

[8:16] You sure did.

[8:18] Yeah.

[8:18] Do we have a clip?

[8:20] I would love to.

[8:21] I bet we do.

[8:22] I would love to.

[8:23] I bet we do.

[8:24] Let's show him the clip.

[8:26] This will be good.

[8:28] Do you have it?

[8:30] What do you mean you don't have it?

[8:31] Ah, too bad.

[8:32] Because it was really out of the ordinary.

[8:35] It really was.

[8:36] Well, it was, you know, it's not exactly how you want to start off, how you want to kick off your big Thanksgiving outfit.

[8:41] No, no.

[8:41] It was incongruous, yet filling.

[8:44] And then Richard's hyperventilating, because he's tried to choke me to death.

[8:48] He finds that upsetting.

[8:51] So, the tapes have been subpoenaed.

[8:58] Oh.

[9:01] Never mind that.

[9:02] Yeah, forget the whole thing.

[9:05] Ladies and gentlemen, it's time.

[9:06] Oh, on the show tonight, Matthew Broderick.

[9:08] What a guy that is.

[9:18] And David Gray, fantastic musical talent.

[9:21] Yeah, he is.

[9:22] David Gray.

[9:23] CD called White Ladder.

[9:28] Oh, man.

[9:29] I really overdid it yesterday.

[9:30] I am stuffed, so.

[9:31] Yeah, yeah.

[9:36] All right, let's open up the CBS mailbag.

[9:39] Here we go.

[9:40] Letters.

[9:41] We need the letters.

[9:50] Here we go.

[9:51] This is actual letters from actual viewers, ladies and gentlemen.

[9:54] Letter number one.

[9:55] Dear Dave, where do you bury dead people in New York City?

[10:00] This comes to us from Virginia Cobb, Decatur, Illinois.

[10:03] You know, I know you think this is a silly question, but this reminds me, and I'm not proud of this, but it happened a couple of weeks ago.

[10:10] I didn't even think I told you.

[10:11] No, you didn't.

[10:12] Yeah.

[10:12] Here, take a look.

[10:13] Well, I was riding in a cab.

[10:14] Oh, yeah.

[10:14] Yeah.

[10:15] There I am in the cab.

[10:15] Yes.

[10:16] We're just, I don't know, we're going downtown, and then look, all of a sudden, we actually, we hit a guy, and he's dead, so we put him in the trunk of the car, and then what do you do with a dead guy in New York City?

[10:28] And I had an idea.

[10:29] Come on.

[10:29] Here we go.

[10:30] So we buried him.

[10:31] That's what we did.

[10:32] All right, yeah.

[10:32] In somebody's backyard.

[10:33] Gee, you have a cab driver.

[10:35] Yeah, that's how that worked.

[10:36] We just ran over him and buried him in somebody's backyard.

[10:38] Dave?

[10:39] My goodness.

[10:39] Yes, Tony?

[10:40] That's my backyard.

[10:42] Oh, I'm sorry.

[10:43] Your backyard?

[10:44] Yes.

[10:44] I can't believe you did that.

[10:45] Well, I have no idea.

[10:46] I'm going to get in trouble now.

[10:47] I'm so sorry.

[10:48] Okay.

[10:49] Oh, my God.

[11:00] Tony Mendez, ladies and gentlemen.

[11:02] Tony Mendez.

[11:08] Now, Paul, answer this for me.

[11:10] Thank you very much, Tony.

[11:11] There you go.

[11:11] Nice job.

[11:12] Beautiful.

[11:13] The whole time I'm screaming obscenities at Richard Simmons.

[11:15] Were you in the band playing?

[11:17] No.

[11:18] We were wrapped in attention.

[11:20] Oh.

[11:20] We were frozen in wrapped attention.

[11:22] Matt, I'm sorry.

[11:23] There's a music.

[11:23] I think.

[11:23] You know, sometimes when the shocking things happen, you don't really block it out.

[11:27] I thought there was music.

[11:29] I can't remember exactly to tell you the truth.

[11:30] Oh, that would be great.

[11:31] I hope there's music.

[11:32] I can't remember.

[11:33] Are we going to get a clip?

[11:33] I don't know.

[11:34] Gee, I hope we can see it.

[11:35] Are we going to get the clip or not?

[11:36] All right.

[11:37] Because you can bleep it later.

[11:38] That's right.

[11:39] Exactly.

[11:43] Letter number two.

[11:44] Hey, Dave, did you ever give any thought into who should be the next Canadian prime minister?

[11:48] Jean-Pierre Bouffier.

[11:52] Toronto, Canada.

[11:53] You know, this is an excellent point.

[11:54] I forgot.

[11:55] Is there an election going on?

[11:56] Apparently, yeah.

[11:56] The prime minister?

[11:57] Coming up.

[11:58] No.

[11:58] I know nothing about it.

[11:59] I'm just ignorant.

[12:00] I'm very sorry.

[12:01] But I did see a commercial for the Canadian campaign.

[12:05] Oh, you did.

[12:05] The election.

[12:06] Did you see it?

[12:06] No, I didn't see it.

[12:07] Yeah.

[12:07] Where did you see it?

[12:08] I think it comes in on the cable from Toronto.

[12:11] From Toronto?

[12:11] Yeah, I see.

[12:12] That's right.

[12:12] Okay.

[12:13] Here's the election in Canada.

[12:15] Take a look at this.

[12:17] Canada needs a prime minister who will help us remain competitive in a changing world.

[12:22] Someone who has spent their entire life working to make our country great.

[12:26] Someone who has traveled every inch of this beautiful land, from the shores of New Brunswick

[12:31] to the rugged terrain of the Yukon.

[12:33] Someone who's one of Canada's greatest hockey legends.

[12:37] And that someone is Hillary Clinton.

[12:40] He's worried about Hillary Clinton, the prime minister.

[12:51] There you go.

[12:53] Letter number three.

[12:54] Dear Dave, I am having an affair and cheating on my wife.

[12:57] Should I tell her?

[12:57] Larry Wagner, Tulsa, Oklahoma.

[13:01] Wow.

[13:04] I hope that's not going to be a problem.

[13:07] Larry, they're in Tulsa.

[13:14] Well, you know, Larry, that's entirely up to you.

[13:16] I can't...

[13:18] I'm sorry I can't make that decision for you, but thanks for the letter and good luck.

[13:22] Damn you, Letterman!

[13:23] What?

[13:23] What happened?

[13:23] I can't believe you read my letter on national television.

[13:27] Oh, my...

[13:27] That's personal.

[13:28] Yeah, I know, but...

[13:29] I mean, what kind of idiot are you?

[13:30] I don't...

[13:31] I just...

[13:31] My wife watches the show every single night.

[13:34] Oh, my God.

[13:34] You don't think she's going to notice if you read a letter with my name in it?

[13:37] Well, I didn't realize it was just...

[13:39] I'm so embarrassed.

[13:40] I feel just horrible.

[13:42] So, you're Larry Wagner from Tulsa, Oklahoma?

[13:45] No.

[13:45] I'm Jean-Guiere Bufou from Canada.

[13:48] I wrote the letter about the Prime Minister.

[13:49] Oh, you wrote the last letter.

[13:51] Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

[13:52] I'm terribly sorry.

[13:54] That's wild, wild.

[13:57] Crazy in here, isn't it?

[13:59] That is nutty.

[14:04] The holidays.

[14:05] There were a lot of tension, a lot of depression, a lot of anxiety during the holidays.

[14:08] Sure.

[14:08] That's what that is.

[14:09] Sure.

[14:11] Well, we've always had trouble with Richard on the show.

[14:14] Pretty much every time.

[14:15] There was like a two-year period when we wouldn't come back on the show.

[14:18] I remember that.

[14:18] There was a big feud.

[14:19] There was a big feud, yeah.

[14:20] Then you guys settled the feud.

[14:22] That's right.

[14:23] Now?

[14:23] I don't know.

[14:24] I guess it's a feud again.

[14:25] Probably on again, yeah.

[14:26] The feud is on again.

[14:28] Letter number four.

[14:29] Dear Dave, I am a 25-year-old virgin...

[14:31] Hello.

[14:32] Uh-oh.

[14:34] Is that right?

[14:36] I am a 25-year-old virgin, and I would like to lose my...

[14:39] My virginity before I turn 26 in December.

[14:42] Holy cow.

[14:45] Can you help me out?

[14:46] J. Ann Wood, West Springfield, Massachusetts.

[14:49] Come on.

[14:50] This is unbelievable, isn't it, Paul?

[14:52] Come on.

[14:53] Huh?

[14:54] I can't believe this.

[14:55] No, it's just, uh...

[14:58] Uh...

[14:59] I can't believe this.

[15:07] I could buy this.

[15:10] Thank you, Paul.

[15:11] I can't believe it.

[15:14] Give me a hug.

[15:17] Please, thanks.

[15:19] Thank you.

[15:33] I bet you took the West Side Highway, right?

[15:35] Because the FDR had absolutely no traffic at all.

[15:38] And there was a straight reading.

[15:40] Will you call me?

[15:40] Okay, Dave, come on.

[15:41] Let's get back to the show.

[15:43] Come on.

[16:02] That was pretty good, wasn't it?

[16:03] That was cute.

[16:06] I went up the West Side.

[16:08] Yeah.

[16:09] I'll tell you something, though.

[16:11] She wasn't real virgin.

[16:16] Is that right?

[16:17] Just cut that out.

[16:30] You can almost hear people dialing Jacoby and Myers tonight, can't you?

[16:36] Okay, let's close up the old CBS mailbag, ladies and gentlemen.

[16:40] We can let us.

[16:41] We can sax and sax and let us.

[16:44] Let us!

[16:49] All right, ladies and gentlemen, we'll be right back with the lovely, the talented Matthew Broderick.

[17:00] You need to look at this.

[17:02] This is great.

[17:03] They know everything about everybody.

[17:04] Well, who can we trust?

[17:06] They're hacking into people's computers?

[17:08] I think it's part of a camera.

[17:10] But what are you saying?

[17:11] It's all undetectable.

[17:12] We've got to get in there and find out what the hell is going on.

[17:14] This is a cutthroat business we're in, Milo.

[17:17] You're playing with fire.

[17:20] You think you know all my moves?

[17:22] Can't always control people.

[17:23] This isn't a game.

[17:25] Antitrust.

[17:26] Rated PG-13.

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[17:59] I like you.

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[18:59] Puppy dogs and humming.

[19:01] Not Zesty.

[19:05] Your greatest outdoor adventure begins here.

[19:08] Come see what's new at Portland's International Sportsman Show, January 4th through the 7th at the Oregon Convention Center.

[19:14] Try and buy all the latest gear at show prices.

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[19:26] Just once a year, Portland's International Sportsman Show, January 4th through the 7th at the Oregon Convention Center.

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[19:35] Bolt the door, if you're coming in.

[19:37] This holiday season, this is you, isn't it?

[19:39] You're Forrester.

[19:40] Nobody talks to William Forrester, Jamal.

[19:42] A secret will be revealed.

[19:44] I ask you not to say anything to anybody.

[19:47] And a legend will be discovered.

[19:50] Rolling Stone magazine raves.

[19:52] Sean Connery gives the performance of a lifetime in the year's most extraordinary film.

[19:57] From the director of Good Will Hunting, Finding Forrester.

[20:00] Radio PG-13.

[20:01] Opens January 12th everywhere.

[20:13] Paul Schaefer and Felicia Collins and your orchestra, ladies and gentlemen.

[20:23] Matthew Broderick is on the program and also David Gray, a wonderful musician, musical act, singer, guy from Great Britain, I believe.

[20:31] Uh-huh.

[20:32] Yeah.

[20:32] He's been on the show before.

[20:33] He'll be back here tonight.

[20:34] Now, here's the deal.

[20:35] If we show you this clip with me screaming obscenities at Richard Simmons, you have to get over it.

[20:42] You can't sit there and be upset about it the rest of the night, you know, because it's all behind us now.

[20:47] I don't know how he is, but I'm just fine.

[20:50] I got mad because he was trying to kill me, you see.

[20:53] It's understandable.

[20:55] Huh?

[20:55] It's understandable.

[20:55] Well, you were there, Paul, for heaven's sake.

[20:57] Yeah, yeah.

[20:58] You'll testify on my behalf.

[20:59] I sure will.

[21:00] Court of law.

[21:01] Okay.

[21:01] So, you have to promise me because if I sense that you're disturbed by seeing me scream obscenities at Richard Simmons, I'll just call the show off and we can go home.

[21:10] That ain't a bad idea.

[21:11] Uh-huh.

[21:13] All right.

[21:13] So, do I have your solemn oath that you'll play along here?

[21:16] Okay.

[21:26] I don't think I've ever screamed obscenities at a guest before.

[21:28] I don't think so.

[21:29] I think it's a first.

[21:30] I think it's a first time.

[21:31] Yeah, yeah.

[21:31] It was amazing.

[21:35] I can hardly wait to see it again.

[21:36] Really?

[21:37] Yeah.

[21:38] Now, don't get upset.

[21:39] You have to promise me.

[21:40] No, no.

[21:40] I'll be fine.

[21:41] I don't want you taking a hike on me.

[21:42] I was upset then.

[21:43] I won't be upset now.

[21:45] Oh, yeah.

[21:45] Oh, by the way, and for our more sensitive viewers, maybe you want to avert your gaze.

[21:49] Sure.

[21:53] Okay.

[21:55] Or maybe you want to load up your videotape machines.

[21:59] Ladies and gentlemen, before that, is it ready, by the way?

[22:02] Huh?

[22:04] But is it going to be ready at all?

[22:07] Yeah, it will be ready.

[22:08] What's the problem?

[22:10] The top ten is not ready.

[22:11] Oh, dang.

[22:12] Damn it, you son of a bitch!

[22:17] It's the holidays.

[22:18] I know, holidays.

[22:20] A lot of people are depressed.

[22:21] A lot of depression and...

[22:23] I don't know.

[22:24] No.

[22:24] It's all right.

[22:25] It's fine.

[22:27] I'm sorry.

[22:28] It's fine.

[22:29] I thought it was behind me.

[22:31] It's apparently...

[22:31] I'm apparently...

[22:32] I know.

[22:33] Still a little frock.

[22:34] Well, sure, it'll have...

[22:35] It's understandable.

[22:35] That's right.

[22:36] My nerves are shocked.

[22:37] That's fine.

[22:37] It's understandable.

[22:40] What do we do now?

[22:43] Oh, Richard Simmons.

[22:44] Oh, okay.

[22:45] Okay.

[22:45] All right.

[22:46] Okay.

[22:46] So here it is.

[22:48] Last Wednesday, November 22nd, the night before Thanksgiving.

[22:51] He's in a giant turkey suit.

[22:53] He wants to kiss me.

[22:54] He won't leave me alone.

[22:56] And take a look.

[22:57] You'll see me grimacing in pain when he gets his greasy little arm around my neck.

[23:03] And then I start screaming obscenities, all right?

[23:06] Now, please don't leave on this, all right?

[23:09] Okay, Paul.

[23:09] Here we go.

[23:10] Roll it.

[23:15] Richard Simmons.

[23:24] Hey!

[23:28] Come on!

[23:45] The proud moment.

[23:47] Whoa!

[23:49] The proud moment in a very long, mediocre career.

[23:55] Do I apologize to everybody?

[23:57] Do I have to apologize for that?

[23:58] To him, you mean?

[23:59] I don't know.

[24:00] Okay.

[24:00] Well, I just, I just, you know, I mean, I just apologize to everybody.

[24:04] You know, I'm sorry.

[24:05] I'm just sorry about the whole thing.

[24:06] I just, who's going to pay for my neck surgery?

[24:10] Yeah.

[24:15] Matthew Ruddick.

[24:16] Okay.

[24:16] Oh, good.

[24:17] Yes.

[24:17] Lucky timing for him.

[24:22] Our first guest is a Tony Award-winning actor and the star of a new motion picture

[24:26] currently in theaters entitled You Can Count on Me.

[24:29] Here's our good friend Matthew Broderick, ladies and gentlemen.

[24:50] i'm embarrassed have you ever just gone nuts like that the screamed obscenities in anyone

[24:55] yeah once or twice once or twice yeah well i just but you feel is it out of you now it's out of me

[24:59] but i feel stupid because i mean good heavens it's richard simmons what am i screaming obscenities

[25:03] at him for except it had been it had been a very difficult evening and i began the show that night

[25:09] if you were watching no yes i'm listening with with a plea for harmony paul remember that exactly

[25:17] that's all you want i said i don't want trouble no you want people to get along that's right all

[25:22] you've ever wanted and then all that happened was trouble yeah it was ugly it was and that was the

[25:27] least of it right there actually ladies and gentlemen the rest of it was just horrifying

[25:32] that was the least of it that's right now uh turkey remind you of something else or set something else

[25:39] off no he just he wouldn't take it off and he wouldn't sit still and he wouldn't talk and all

[25:43] he wanted to do was get on me that's all he wanted to do he just wanted to get on me have you ever

[25:49] choked on a piece of turkey maybe when you're when you're a kid or something oh man interesting point

[26:01] it's interesting i hope your thanksgiving was nice yeah yeah yeah

[26:11] yeah it was uh come on i'm so stuck i know i mean boy did i eat i know everybody i really ate yeah

[26:24] let's uh let's

[26:27] oh mark are you uh uh i know a little bit about this uh procedure you're contemplating you're thinking

[26:33] about having this done and and i've thought about having it done but it scares me silly it just

[26:38] scares me silly yeah i'm a little afraid of it too do you know people who've had it done well i'm

[26:43] starting to know people we're uh talking about laser uh that's right surgery on the eyeball they

[26:49] correct so you don't need to wear the glasses anymore yes this is what they tell you how long have you

[26:53] worn glasses uh since i was about you know my teenager me too since i was about 15 and you didn't do it i

[26:58] know you didn't know no i'm so terribly you're scared i'm scared yeah are you scared of the uh

[27:02] micro carotomyomyomyome the uh the little the little blade that cuts off the tip of your eyeball

[27:08] like a cigar is that the i didn't i didn't even know about that yeah that's the part that uh that got

[27:16] me did they do that before the laser deal the laser beam is a uh walk in the park apparently really

[27:22] it's the uh there's a slice a flap is created they actually have to to take a open the membrane of

[27:29] your eye yes and they make it sound like if we make a small flap and then go at it with a laser

[27:34] and i said how do you make the flap and they said it's a kind of like a cigar cutter

[27:39] oh lord so a few drops in the eye pry the lids open right suction cupped eyeball and then a little

[27:47] cigar cutter little snip yeah painless because painless no nerves thing is painless right nothing

[27:53] okay so they open the eye you have a flap and then and then what do you do you pray you look at

[27:59] a you look at a little light at a laser beam you look at a flashing light right you don't look away

[28:04] from that light no no no you've ever looked at anything in your life you look at that light and

[28:07] how long do you have to look at the light until they tell you don't look at the light but it could

[28:11] be like 10 15 20 seconds it's something like it depends how much of a correction you require right

[28:16] right right i did a little research into this as well you should i had a videotape with people

[28:22] who'd had it done testimonials yes uh soft music and soft focus like well i had never woken up and

[28:30] really seen my feet before you know like like they'd lost 500 pounds or something but it's a it's a big

[28:40] deal and you you shouldn't be a flip about this because i know uh here's what would happen to me

[28:46] while you're staring at the the laser to make this minute correction that will enable you to see

[28:52] perfectly without glasses you have to be perfectly still and you're sort of harnessed and they have

[28:56] your head trained in this laser one of two things would happen like the subway would go underneath the

[29:01] yeah what the hell was that or i would sneeze and then the next that's right the next exactly yeah and

[29:12] then what where are you then i thought yeah i don't know yeah they told me if you move your eye uh the

[29:18] laser will know it and shut off was that right and it said if this was dependent on you it wouldn't work

[29:27] i don't even know what does that mean exactly i don't know but that's what he told me he said

[29:31] if i look away yeah it you know it's not that i have to be perfect right yeah i'm just a man he's a

[29:36] doctor now how close are you to having the surgery well it would be monday i have to call them and and

[29:44] say i'm in or i'm out uh-huh now you know there are some side effects some some after the procedure

[29:48] you have some side effects yes and you're familiar with those prepared to live with those well if

[29:53] they're not the really bad ones now what have you heard about the side effects well there's dryness

[29:58] of the eye and uh that's that's nothing drops nothing drops a few drops and that passes it's possible

[30:04] that you could be fixed almost all the way but even with glasses never see quite as perfectly as you

[30:09] saw with glasses before i understand you still need glasses to read with maybe yes that's called

[30:14] prespa pipa topi opi opio and that is uh the inability of the muscle to focus from close to far this

[30:24] actually just kind of returns the shape of the eyeball to its original configuration doesn't it

[30:28] yes yes now the one that the one that makes me a little nervous they say sometimes you you will see

[30:36] halos around halos and starbursts and things yeah well i don't i don't need that no who does yeah

[30:41] well i i have that yeah yeah i don't need that i'd be worried about that i'm worried about it too

[30:48] but uh i don't know should i know maybe i shouldn't do it no i don't i think it's very successful you

[30:53] know every now and then mostly it is every now and then and we shouldn't be flipping no no this is

[30:56] surgery but here the other problem what do you do with all your old glasses you turn them into sunglasses

[31:00] glasses or you can give them to the un i have to look into that i'm not sure that that they take

[31:09] them that's a pretty good kind of convince me i think they might if there's a worthy cause here

[31:15] i'm sure i'm sure yes okay 50 cents a day and your glasses yes we'll be right back here with matthew

[31:22] broderick ladies and gentlemen this is small town america when a hollywood film crew came to

[31:34] waterford vermont i'm glad they're here they shot first and asked questions later what's it about

[31:40] it's about the quest for purity i don't want to take my shirt off lock your doors just go into jail

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[31:49] this town in one piece and say your prayers stayed in maine a david mammoth film it's absurd

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[32:31] david's been locked inside his parents bathroom for two years an extraordinary look inside his world

[32:37] can we overcome his fears 48 hours thursday film star debbie morgan and our celebrity panel uncover

[32:44] the real female pro football phenom like i know anything about a stupid football

[32:51] you don't believe the next to tell the truth tonight at 12 45 on coin tv6

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[34:02] scary movie is back with unbelievable bonus footage too shocking to show you on tv i'm trying to watch

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[34:17] adju broderick ladies and gentlemen and david gray now while we're talking about the uh uh procedure

[34:23] there's a reason you're thinking about having it done let's mention the reason other than just

[34:27] general health for your eyes what's the reason you're thinking uh i'm about to uh do a play which

[34:33] hopefully will i'll be in for a while and i'm gonna have to wear contact lenses which is uh the

[34:37] producers with nathan lane uh already you and nathan lane there you go that's all you need

[34:45] and a few songs a few good songs when was the last time this was on broadway it's never it's

[34:51] a movie that they're turning into a broadway so it was it was never a broadway no it's based on

[34:56] on the movie the producers you know with zero mustel and gene wilder i'm playing the gene wilder part and

[35:01] uh it's mel brooks is turning it into a he wrote the songs and everything and do people understand the

[35:06] plot of this who the producers generally at large do they are they aware what the oh oh i should tell

[35:12] what the vinyl with that yes um the uh you don't you don't have to but it's cute no i should um they uh

[35:20] it's it's about uh uh a couple i'm really let me get this a couple of producers who uh they uh put a

[35:29] show on and they realize that if they put a very bad show on and over get too many investors they will

[35:36] keep the money and not have to pay anybody back and be rich that's the theory that's right and so

[35:41] the production they choose to mount they choose to mount a production called springtime for hitler

[35:46] which is uh which is about uh hitler you know coming up through the ranks and it's a

[35:52] lot of songs about how great nazis are just dopey and silly which very very funny they think will fail

[35:58] horribly and of course the audience thinks it's a riot and it's a smash hit and they go to jail

[36:03] yeah and when will that be uh when can we see that um you can see it in chicago in february really

[36:11] well it's nice there in february it's very nice yeah good gig yeah i'm gonna bring a fur hat take

[36:19] your windsurfing equipment yeah and then uh here in uh you know march or april i guess and then it'll

[36:25] run all summer and through the fall again well you never know you never know oh yeah i mean how can

[36:29] this fail it's it's a great uh uh play yes play whatever and you and nathan lane there you go i

[36:35] hope so and you won't have glasses well maybe yeah i'm not sure about that part yeah hey how's your

[36:41] wife by the way she's good look at this take a look at what's going on here what is happening here

[36:46] well that's uh me and uh sarah jessica yes and and puff daddy puff daddy right and uh jennifer lopez

[36:54] wow and uh we were invited to his house which is back there uh-huh in the uh hamptons uh a target

[37:01] practice

[37:07] what do you do out there

[37:13] i wore white so that i um uh we we had a great time he was a great host you know he

[37:21] he said you hang around with him a little bit you know i didn't know him before that but he sent

[37:26] the cd over so wait a minute before before he invites you to the party you don't know him at

[37:30] all i don't know him at all and you get an invitation i've heard about him on a cd yeah a cd comes to

[37:35] sarah really but i get to come and uh it said uh it said you know please join me for this fantastic you

[37:44] know it was beautifully mixed with music in the background and there'll be good food beautiful women

[37:49] liquor ooh and um so i went and um was it a nice time it was great it was really nice and uh

[38:00] filled with he wanted to play softball the next day which i immediately said yeah i love softball

[38:05] how did you do i didn't do as well as i wanted to do really i uh i got there and it was sort of a

[38:11] charity event it was like the puff daddy you know i don't know what but i thought and i had on a we

[38:20] had uniforms puff shirt a puff hat and puffy puffy and uh and uh i came up to bat and there was a uh

[38:28] a disc jockey you know a dj uh announcing the game over a megaphone with music so you'd come up to bat

[38:36] and you're like here's a star of inspector gadget let's see if he does any better this time you know

[38:41] oh yeah yeah and uh i uh you know i made if i had a few problems in in the outfield i almost ran into

[38:49] a pole you know i i ended the game with a i saw ed burns was playing center field for the opposing team

[38:56] director ed burns and i said that's ed burns and i hit a ball straight to him wow the game that's great

[39:02] i mean that for an out yeah oh well no uh let's talk about the you can count on me yes what do we

[39:11] need to know about this it's really good it's um i think and uh it's uh a movie that uh the guy the

[39:20] writer the director is the writer and director is kenny lonergan and he is uh my best pal basically

[39:26] since we were 15. really we went to high school together that's great and now he's a big shot

[39:31] yeah and uh i i'm just i don't play i'm a not the lead role in it it's laura linney and mark ruffalo

[39:37] and he did a wonderful job and it was i'm very proud of him we have a clip if you want to show it

[39:42] a clip of uh i'm a bank manager uh and i'm very hard on laura linney partly because our relationship

[39:50] has taken some turns that it shouldn't have done it has gone away it is heated up it is what has it done

[39:55] well i'm not supposed to spoil it but it's okay whatever use our imagination yes and um

[40:01] so this is a scene whatever you can count on me you can count on me yes you're not happy i'm not

[40:07] happy it's no good for you and it sure as heck no good for the bank you know you're the worst manager

[40:14] we've ever had oh come on you are the worst i don't want to trade insults with you i don't want

[40:19] to be fired but i've been working here for seven years well you know and if i were you i'd be a

[40:24] little nervous about firing an employee i just had an affair with okay what hey don't don't threaten

[40:30] me i'm not threatening you i'm not threatening you well i'm just i think it's an area that we ought to

[40:36] explore you explored i'm going back to work oh and and i have to pick up rudy today because there's

[40:44] no one else who can do it i'll find someone else when i have time oh yeah fine why don't you just

[40:47] take over the whole bank oh you can't fire her the plot thickens uh good for you i hope you have a

[41:02] lovely holiday season i hope you do too thank you very much and i hope you know everything works out

[41:08] and you and mr simmons i appreciate your kind thoughts yeah and i'm looking forward to seeing

[41:12] the producers please come say hello to your wife for me i will nice to see you matthew broderick ladies

[41:17] gentlemen we'll be right back

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[45:10] ladies gentlemen here's tonight's top 10 list let's go

[45:22] all right this is an excellent category you know during the holidays you you overeat you get out

[45:28] of shape so you go to the gym am i right paul yes yes you go to the gym to try to get yourself back

[45:32] into shape well here's the category for tonight top 10 things you don't want to hear from a guy at the

[45:37] gym ah you go to the gym you're minding your own business you're trying to get yourself back in

[45:42] shape top 10 things you don't want to hear from a guy at the gym by the way this comes to us from a

[45:46] place called prescriptive fitness gym west 54th street between 8th and broadway they wrote it over

[45:53] there they wrote these items well they think really yes they did they have writers at a gym apparently

[45:58] they do cool it's a whole new world all right here we go top 10 things you don't want to hear from a

[46:05] guy at the gym number 10. you know usually when i'm on a bike i'm being chased by the cops you see

[46:12] oh now i understand you don't want to hear that number nine be honest is my ass looking tighter

[46:19] and more shapely

[46:25] number eight okay time to practice my grunts okay all right number seven even more poignant

[46:38] no you can't tell by looking at me but actually i'm richard simmons bastard son

[46:45] number six you know i don't work here but for 50 bucks i could be your personal trainer

[46:53] number five bow down to me i am stair master

[46:59] you don't want to hear that of it no you don't no number four i'm going to take a shower you want to

[47:05] spot me oh you don't need that number three uh-oh i feel a steroid rage coming on

[47:19] steroid rage number two how long could i keep a dead guy in my locker before somebody gets suspicious

[47:27] excellent question and the number one thing you don't want to hear from a guy at the gym

[47:33] do my abs look like grab pitch it

[47:45] ladies and gentlemen we'll be right back here with david gray

[48:00] bonjour what do a stolen diamond 86 carats a four-fingered gambler whoops a thug named bullet

[48:08] tooth should i call you a bullet tooth you can call me susan if it makes you happy and this guy who

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[48:24] you said rated r opens everywhere january 19th i want to tell you about a brand new way brand new way

[48:30] of quitting smoking it's unique it's effective it's orange new nicorette orange it's nicorette so i still

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[48:57] orange can help tonight on your late late show from the hot no movie traffic don cheedle sports

[49:02] legend art donovan plus a frank discussion on the pringles can what went wrong

[49:08] last summer survivor swept away over a hundred million viewers this january right after the

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[52:04] war 13 days rated pg-13 now in select theaters wide january 12th to me a headache is like this little

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[54:42] all right ladies gentlemen our next guest is already a top-selling musician in his native

[54:48] england and he seems destined to repeat that success here in the united states and everywhere

[54:52] else around the world this is the cd entitled white ladder please welcome back to the program david gray

[55:12] david

[55:13] Sail away with me, honey

[55:16] I put my heart in your head

[55:20] Sail away with me, honey

[55:24] Now, now, now

[55:28] Sail away with me

[55:30] What will be, will be

[55:35] I wanna hold it now

[55:38] Now, now

[55:42] Crazy skies are wild

[55:45] Bubbling out

[55:49] With a howling at my face

[55:57] And everything I held so dear

[56:04] Disappeared without a trace

[56:10] I never felt so out of place

[56:18] Sail away with me, honey

[56:20] I put my heart in your head

[56:24] Sail away with me, honey

[56:28] Now, now, now

[56:32] Sail away with me

[56:35] What will be, will be

[56:39] I wanna hold it now

[56:42] Now, now

[56:46] I've been talking

[56:48] Drunk and gibberish

[56:53] Bombing in and out

[56:55] The fuzz

[57:00] Trying to get some explanation here

[57:07] By the way some people are

[57:14] Hey, what did it ever come so far

[57:25] Sail away with me, honey

[57:29] I put my heart in your head

[57:32] Sail away with me, honey

[57:35] Now, now, now

[57:40] Sail away with me

[57:42] What will be, will be

[57:46] I wanna hold it now

[57:50] Now, now

[57:53] Sail away with me, honey

[57:57] I put my heart in your head

[58:01] Sail away with me, honey

[58:04] Now, now, now

[58:07] Sail away with me

[58:11] What will be, will be

[58:15] I wanna hold it now

[58:18] Now, now

[58:21] Sail away

[58:22] Sail away with me

[58:26] I want to hold it now

[58:40] Terrific

[58:41] Beautiful song

[58:42] Good to see you again, David

[58:44] David Gray, ladies and gentlemen

[58:46] We'll be right back

[59:00] Our passion cannot be contained

[59:02] Our sacrifice is unmatched

[59:04] Our dedication, our determination

[59:06] Endless

[59:08] When you're chasing a dream

[59:09] A dream like ours

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[60:42] Rapunzel, my cupcake

[60:43] Tis I, lover boy

[60:45] Wait a moment, darling

[60:46] I'll just let my hair down

[60:50] Too short by a hair's breadth

[60:53] Then you just have to wait for my hair to grow

[60:55] What?

[60:56] I'll have gone bald by then

[60:58] Well, hair day gone tomorrow

[60:59] All you need is a Red Bull

[61:02] Why?

[61:03] Because Red Bull gives you wings

[61:05] Yes, but it also stimulates the mind

[61:07] So get downstairs and open the blooming door

[61:11] Warehouse shopping means you save money

[61:14] The same furniture and mattresses found in other furniture and department stores

[61:19] But at low warehouse prices

[61:22] United Furniture Warehouse

[61:27] Are you ready?

[61:29] We are

[61:29] A winter storm could hit the Northwest any day

[61:32] And the Coin6 Storm team will get you ready for it

[61:35] Ready for school closures

[61:37] Ready for icy roads

[61:39] Ready for the chilling effect on your home

[61:41] Our Coin6 OMSI Weather Lab technology

[61:44] And our team of experienced meteorologists

[61:46] Prepare you for even the worst winter weather

[61:48] Are you ready?

[61:50] You are if you stay with the Coin6 News Storm team

[61:52] Coin6 News

[61:54] People make the difference