The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (CBS) - 2009-05-05
Channel: malgent
Transcript
Language: English (original, YouTube automatic captions)
[0:18] Yeah,
[0:21] I am so drunk on tequila.
[0:26] I've imagined
[0:28] that I'm a dog.
[0:33] I mean,
[0:36] I got nothing. I'm tired of the puppets.
[0:38] Um, that's all right. It's No, don't.
[0:41] Oh, a puppet.
[0:47] Now, you've made me feel bad. Hang on.
[0:48] Wait there.
[0:53] Yeah, he's all right.
[1:02] Yeah, we'll we'll leave it there for the
[1:03] rest of the night.
[1:06] How you enjoying your high death now,
[1:07] you bastards?
[1:11] OH, YOU CAN SEE SO MUCH MORE of the
[1:13] screen, can you? Can you really? What's
[1:16] the dog doing now? You can't tell, can
[1:18] you? Oh, look. It's had a whoopsie. I
[1:24] I was going, you know. Here, I'll put it
[1:26] down. Hold on.
[1:28] There.
[1:34] Is that dog looking at me?
[1:43] You know what would be great? If the dog
[1:44] moved now
[1:47] just like lifted up a paw or its head
[1:49] turned around 360°
[1:51] and it said, "Can you see it?" Or is it
[1:54] Yeah. Yeah, you can see it, right?
[1:57] Or if it just or if it just left.
[2:02] Do you know there's some people in the
[2:03] audience from other countries, not just
[2:05] me? I uh there there's there's a a man
[2:08] and lady uh in the audience and they the
[2:12] one's from Russia and the other one
[2:14] although she doesn't speak Russian and
[2:19] I I tried I tried speaking Russian to
[2:21] her and she went
[2:24] I was like it's Russian. She's like it's
[2:26] Ukrainian. And I'm like well they
[2:27] understand it in Russia.
[2:30] And uh and the other uh chap who's
[2:33] sitting next to her h they're he's
[2:35] French and they met and fell in love and
[2:36] they're they if they get married they'll
[2:38] have children who are international
[2:46] adorable. You know I wish all foreigners
[2:48] look that adorable.
[2:55] I think I just said something deeply
[2:58] offensive.
[3:01] But to who?
[3:03] >> I'm sure I'll find out.
[3:09] >> The Lake Show with Craig Ferguson
[3:11] sponsored by Lincoln. Luxury at light
[3:14] speed in the new 2010 Lincoln MKZ.
[3:17] Lincoln. Reach higher.
[3:25] >> Standing there alone. The ship is
[3:28] waiting. All systems I go. Are you sure?
[3:31] Control is not convinced, but the
[3:33] computer has the evidence.
[3:36] No need to abort.
[3:39] The countdown starts.
[3:43] 4 3 2 1.
[3:52] >> I'm Marie Osmond and I lost 45 lbs on
[3:55] the Neutri System program. Neutri System
[3:57] Flex, our lowest priced program that
[3:59] gives you more flexibility than ever. At
[4:02] about $8 a day, it costs hundreds less
[4:04] than other weight loss programs.
[4:06] >> It's quick, it's easy, whether I'm in
[4:08] the studio, backstage, or at home. And
[4:10] look, it works.
[4:12] >> So now you can even go out and dine with
[4:14] friends. Order now and get our new
[4:16] recipe book free. Visit
[4:18] nutri.com/cookbook
[4:20] to start losing weight today.
[4:27] For an experience that's out of this
[4:28] world, don't miss Star Trek.
[4:32] In theaters May 8th,
[4:48] >> Visit.com for exclusive footage and more
[4:51] from Star Trek.
[4:52] >> Tonight, I'm Dave. I'm your TV pal.
[4:55] >> Don't miss an all new Late Show.
[4:56] >> Kab Bruce
[4:59] >> with the one and only Bruce Willis
[5:01] tonight.
[5:04] >> Most kids are eager to grow up. But for
[5:06] 8,000 Oregon foster kids, growing means
[5:09] finding new shoes to replace those that
[5:10] are too small or worn out. To help,
[5:13] Sleep Country USA is collecting new
[5:15] shoes for foster kids of all sizes. But
[5:17] they can't do it without you. Bring your
[5:19] gift of new shoes for boys and girls to
[5:21] any Sleep Country. Call 188888 Sleep for
[5:25] the store nearest you. Sleep country
[5:27] knows not everyone can be a foster
[5:29] parent, but anyone can help a foster
[5:31] child.
[5:33] I'm Bob Lampair and we're clearing out
[5:35] the showroom at Beaverton Motorcycle. I
[5:38] want to help you bring home a Honda,
[5:40] Yamaha, or Suzuki motorcycle, scooter,
[5:43] ATV, or Watercraft. Choose from over
[5:46] 2,000 new and pre-owned units with easy
[5:49] financing available. Want to be styling
[5:51] on the street, in the dirt, and on the
[5:53] water? See our huge accessory
[5:55] department. Grab life by the throttle at
[5:58] Beaverton Motorcycles, a highway 217
[6:01] across from Washington Square.
[6:03] >> Atlas Motors presents the three amigos
[6:06] versus the man in plaid.
[6:08] >> Lady, trust me, you're going to love it.
[6:11] >> Look, the three amigos
[6:15] >> curses. The three amigos to the rescue
[6:17] again. Shooting down prices with better
[6:19] cars, better trucks, huge selection, and
[6:22] easy credit. Atlas Motors at the corner
[6:24] of Southeast 82nd and Washington, where
[6:26] it's easy at Atlas
[6:30] 3.
[6:36] It's on stay up. It's been a long long
[6:38] day and you got the same man at you. But
[6:42] hang on, leave the TV on and let's do it
[6:46] anyway. It's okay.
[6:50] Tomorrow's just
[6:52] yesterday.
[6:54] >> Ladies and gentlemen, Craig Ferguson.
[6:58] >> Hey, how the hell are you? Come on
[7:01] inside.
[7:05] Thank you. Thank you. Welcome.
[7:09] Welcome to the late night show. I am
[7:10] your host.
[7:13] All right, that's enough.
[7:17] Wait, wait, wait. No, please. No.
[7:19] Please, please stop cheering now. Oh,
[7:21] great. You have Well,
[7:24] that's good because the folks at home
[7:26] might think you were warmed up by a
[7:28] professional.
[7:32] Sometimes I like to get warmed up by a
[7:34] professional.
[7:37] Is that so wrong?
[7:40] Is that illegal?
[7:43] Actually, it is. Except in certain areas
[7:47] of Nevada
[7:50] and Amsterdam.
[7:54] I'm talking about prostitutes.
[8:01] It's a great DAY FOR AMERICA, EVERYBODY.
[8:03] YES, IT IS. IT'S A GREAT DAY FOR
[8:04] AMERICA.
[8:06] And you know why? Why it's a great day
[8:09] for America? I'll tell you why. Because
[8:11] is it is what?
[8:16] Stop learning to speak me. I did for
[8:19] some reason. No, it is Cinco de Mayo
[8:22] today. Cinco deayo.
[8:26] Uh, if you don't if you don't speak
[8:28] Spanish, Cinco de Mayo is Spanish for
[8:30] the mayonnaise is in the sink. The
[8:32] mayonnaise
[8:34] is in the sink.
[8:37] I'm kidding. Happy Cinco de Mayo,
[8:38] everybody. There's very big news from
[8:40] Washington. Uh, President Obama may
[8:42] choose a Supreme Court nominee by the
[8:44] end of the week. That's fast.
[8:50] We're not sure how we should react to
[8:52] that.
[8:53] The professional warm-up comedian didn't
[8:55] say how we should react to music. He
[8:57] were no one where I wasn't given any
[8:59] instructions. How should I react?
[9:03] How is everyone right? I don't know.
[9:06] What's the No, don't. Oh, yes. That's
[9:08] right. TV audience.
[9:12] If you're a TV audience and you don't
[9:13] know WHAT TO DO, APPLAUD.
[9:16] YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO do that in your
[9:17] real life. Just applaud when you don't
[9:19] know how to react when someone comes in
[9:20] and said, "Honey, I want a divorce.
[9:22] Actually,
[9:26] I did that in the last one. It didn't go
[9:28] down well. I No, no. The president may
[9:32] I'm not kidding. The president may have
[9:34] a nominee for the choose a a nominee for
[9:37] the Supreme Court by the end of the
[9:38] week. Now, I've got nothing against the
[9:39] president, but does it worry you a
[9:41] little bit that it took him 10 times
[9:43] longer than that to decide on a dog?
[9:49] Actually, that No, that's maybe the way.
[9:52] No.
[9:55] Oh, I don't know. Does it worry me? Yes.
[9:59] Anyway, the the Washington insiders say
[10:01] that the cuz I know them all. Uh what's
[10:04] a Washington insider? Just a guy with a
[10:07] blog. Anyway, uh guys with blogs say
[10:10] that the Supreme Court Justice Suitor's
[10:12] replacement will most likely be a woman.
[10:21] Yeah, cuz that'll really change
[10:23] everything for you.
[10:25] I thought it might be Hillary Clinton,
[10:27] but she's ruled out now, I guess.
[10:28] Anyway, the uh
[10:34] the Tony nominations came out today.
[10:36] Once again, I was snubbed for best jazz
[10:39] hands. You
[10:41] I am the best.
[10:44] and Shia Labou. Uh, Labou is That's his
[10:48] name, isn't it? Shia Labou. Shia Labou.
[10:52] I can't even just have a regular name
[10:54] like Ted Henderson or something.
[10:58] Ted Henderson's at home going, "What
[11:02] the hell is this?" No. Shia Shia Labou.
[11:05] Is it Shia Labou? Anyway, he said in
[11:08] this interview that his mother is the
[11:10] sexiest woman he knows and he wishes he
[11:12] could marry her.
[11:14] And the interview was in Playboy
[11:16] magazine.
[11:18] He's really banking on nobody reading
[11:20] the articles in that magazine.
[11:23] Anyway, today of course is Cinco de
[11:25] Mayo. It's a great day for Mexico or I
[11:28] should say
[11:31] Mexico.
[11:37] Mexicans are like what did he say? I
[11:38] have no idea what he said. Cinco de Mayo
[11:41] is the day that we celebrate the Mexican
[11:43] army's defeat of the French in 1862. A
[11:45] lot of people think think that Cinco
[11:47] deayo is Mexican independence day, but
[11:49] it's not. Mexican independence day is in
[11:51] September. People get the two days mixed
[11:53] up like Bill Paxton or Bill Pulman or
[11:58] or they give it or like shes and
[12:01] It's like what? I once mixed
[12:03] up she and
[12:09] Best damn night of my life.
[12:12] Oh no. Cinco de Mayo is a very big
[12:14] holiday here in LA. I have no idea why.
[12:21] Perhaps it's because California used to
[12:23] be part of Mexico.
[12:27] You know, Cinco de Mayo is a bigger
[12:29] holiday in America than it is in Mexico.
[12:31] It's the same way that St. Patrick's Day
[12:32] is bigger here than it is in Ireland.
[12:35] It's strange that the two foreign
[12:36] holidays we've embraced so quickly
[12:38] involve heavy drinking. But
[12:41] on St. Patrick's Day, everyone here
[12:43] embraces their Irish heritage. So, hey,
[12:45] diddly. Don't kiss me. I'm Irish. Let's
[12:47] get drunk. H. In Ireland, they don't
[12:50] give a rat's ass about St. Patrick's
[12:51] Day. Like, oh, it's St. Monday afternoon
[12:56] day.
[12:57] Let's get drunk anyway. We'll just get
[12:59] drunk. Most people will be celebrating
[13:02] Cinco deo, you know, with drinking. I'm
[13:05] using that to describe drinking
[13:10] like that. I I won't be doing that
[13:12] obviously. I used to love the margaritas
[13:14] though. All the personal destruction of
[13:17] hard liquor with the refreshing taste of
[13:19] candy. I love
[13:23] TASTES DELICIOUS. OH, WOKE UP IN A
[13:25] DUMPSTER. I
[13:30] >> You know what I love as well? The
[13:31] tequila shots. You know the
[13:34] you know the face you have to do the
[13:39] >> it's not so much the drinking the
[13:41] tequila it's the ritual involved because
[13:42] the ritual would slow down the drinking
[13:44] which for me was a good thing but first
[13:46] you would you know you you you lick the
[13:48] salt and then you shoot the tequila then
[13:50] you suck the lime and you swallow the
[13:51] worm all that licking and sucking and
[13:54] swallowing and
[13:59] party at Elton John's HOUSE NOW TEQUILA
[14:07] IT WAS A s tequila.
[14:10] Tequila of course would get me drunk,
[14:12] but it was kind of a weird drunk I
[14:13] remember on tequila. Like drinking
[14:15] whiskey uh made me want to fight, right?
[14:17] That's what I like to fight when I'm
[14:19] drinking whiskey, but drinking tequila
[14:21] made me want to fight things that
[14:22] weren't there.
[14:26] I'M SERIOUS. ONCE WHEN I WAS DRINKING
[14:27] TEQUILA, I got into a fight with a pie.
[14:33] A GIANT PIE WITH LEGS JUST
[14:36] here's some advice. By the way, if you
[14:38] ever get into a fight with a giant pie,
[14:39] what you want to do is kick its legs
[14:40] from underneath it so it can't chase you
[14:43] up and down the street. They are very
[14:44] vicious, those giant hallucinogenic
[14:46] pies.
[14:52] Anyway, I don't drink it anymore. So,
[14:54] you know how I celebrate Cinco deio is
[14:56] with food. I love Mexican food or as
[14:58] it's known in Mexico, FOOD. ESPECIALLY
[15:03] IT'S I LIKE A A fish taco and reffried
[15:05] beans. Uh although I I'd love to try at
[15:08] least once beans that are just fried
[15:10] once.
[15:12] And I'm going to go home tonight. I'll
[15:13] cover myself in the reffried beans. I'll
[15:15] beat my piñata and then I'll then I'll
[15:17] have something to eat. Now
[15:20] you can always tell if someone's uh had
[15:23] really hot Mexican food in LA cuz their
[15:25] plastic surgery melts.
[15:29] Oh, happy Cinco de Mayo. And it just
[15:44] We have to take a break. We'll be right
[15:46] back.
[15:55] Direct TV is doing very well in customer
[15:57] satisfaction. What do we do?
[15:59] >> I learned this in business school when I
[16:01] read about business school in a book. We
[16:04] can't improve our service, but we can
[16:06] improve the price. We can make it
[16:09] higher.
[16:09] >> You know what? That's not a bad idea.
[16:11] >> We'll get the people with disposable
[16:12] income and they can dispose of it to us.
[16:14] >> And they don't watch TV. They're
[16:15] workaholics.
[16:16] >> They wouldn't know HD if they sat in
[16:18] their lap and called them mama.
[16:20] >> Now you can save $21 a month for an
[16:22] entire year. Call 1800 Direct TV.
[16:27] >> Hi. Number two, please.
[16:29] >> Would you like that to hurt now or
[16:30] later?
[16:31] >> Uh, what?
[16:33] >> Sir, it's a simple question. Do you want
[16:34] heartburn pain now or later?
[16:37] >> These heartburn medicines make you
[16:39] choose between hurting now or later.
[16:41] Pepsid complete doesn't. It starts to
[16:43] neutralize acid in seconds and keeps it
[16:45] under control all day or all night.
[16:47] >> Sometimes you got to make compromises,
[16:49] man.
[16:49] >> No, you don't, man. Pepsid Complete.
[16:52] Works now and works later. Now with a
[16:54] great new taste.
[17:08] >> I know
[17:09] that's treason. I'm shaking and I'm
[17:12] moving and glory because of you. And I
[17:15] feel
[17:25] >> pretty soon my 401k is going to be my
[17:27] monthly paycheck, you know. So, my
[17:29] priority right now is to get all my
[17:31] financial ducks in a row and not make
[17:32] any mistakes.
[17:33] >> Well, before um I was quite happy to
[17:36] just let my old 401k sit there and do
[17:38] its thing. Now that just sounds like
[17:41] madness
[17:55] >> Wednesday, a serial killer so fast.
[17:58] >> Hold on.
[18:00] >> So furious.
[18:01] >> Hold on.
[18:02] >> New Criminal Minds. Then in the final
[18:05] three CSI New Yorks of the season. Look
[18:07] what you DID TO MY DAUGHTER.
[18:09] >> WE'VE GOT THE BIGGEST STARS, the biggest
[18:12] mysteries.
[18:13] >> Why did he come back?
[18:14] >> Revenge
[18:15] >> and the biggest event.
[18:16] >> Go get a set of keys to a car. Meet me
[18:18] in the garage in 5 minutes.
[18:19] >> 9 months in the making.
[18:20] >> My water just broke
[18:21] >> at CSI New York after Criminal Mind. CBS
[18:24] Wednesday.
[18:31] Whether it's a contemporary design from
[18:33] Perry Ellis or Kenneth Cole or a classic
[18:36] pinstripe from Jones New York or Lauren
[18:39] by Ralph Lauren, everybody can agree.
[18:42] Top designer name suits look expensive.
[18:46] Well, they are expensive. They're just
[18:48] not expensive here.
[18:53] You're going to like the way you look. I
[18:55] guarantee it. Once there was a woman
[18:57] whose afternoon plans got cancelled.
[19:00] >> Perfect.
[19:00] >> She could relax at home with a snack.
[19:02] Instead of her usual cheddar, she
[19:05] swirled smooth Philly on crackers
[19:10] and savored each bite. Feeling
[19:13] refreshed, she read up on the latest
[19:15] fashions, put together quite the outfit,
[19:17] went for a stroll, and made the style
[19:19] section. Amazing what the right snack
[19:21] can do for your day. Philly snack
[19:24] happily ever after.
[19:30] All right.
[19:33] Welcome back everybody. Welcome back to
[19:36] the big Cinco deio show. I'm very
[19:38] excited about Cinco deayo because we
[19:40] have an international flavor uh in the
[19:42] audience. You know, we have a a Russian
[19:44] audience member and a and a French
[19:46] audience member and nothing says Cinco
[19:48] deayo like Russia and France.
[19:56] I I hope they get Russia and France have
[19:58] always kind of gotten along, haven't
[19:59] they? They they get they get along.
[20:01] Russia and France, don't they? Yeah.
[20:02] Well, they seem to be getting along fine
[20:04] tonight.
[20:09] Anyway, I what I'm going to not do
[20:11] because it's cinco demise is I'm not
[20:12] going to eat too much Mexican food
[20:13] today. I have decided. Or else tomorrow
[20:16] will be stinkco demay.
[20:23] That's the lamest THING I'VE EVER SAID,
[20:25] EVERYBODY. THANKS A LOT. That's in a
[20:29] show full of lame moments. People rely
[20:31] on us for, you know, people come home
[20:33] late at night, they think, "If only
[20:34] there was something lame to watch on
[20:36] TV." You're welcome, America. Anyway, I
[20:40] won't have a lot of stinky food. Uh
[20:42] because, you know, actually though,
[20:43] Mexican food does help men and women
[20:46] define their relationship. Seriously.
[20:47] Because if you're dating someone and you
[20:49] both decide to eat the reffried beans
[20:51] and then spend the evening together,
[20:54] you'll know you've moved to a new level
[20:55] of intimacy.
[20:59] You translate that into Russian and
[21:00] French right now. What I just said. Do
[21:03] you know also that chocolate was
[21:04] invented in Mexico? That's true. You
[21:07] didn't know that, did you? Or maybe you
[21:08] did and you're just being quiet
[21:11] or I don't know. Do I applaud for
[21:21] No, chocolate was invented in Mexico.
[21:23] And uh Mexico's fastest growing, one of
[21:26] the fastest growing exports out of
[21:28] Mexico is prescription drugs. Now,
[21:32] they've got all this chocolate and all
[21:33] these prescription drugs, right? I
[21:36] cannot believe that Rush Limba wants to
[21:38] build a fence ON THE BORDER. THE LAST
[21:41] GUY I THOUGHT WOULD WANT A FENCE IN a
[21:43] border LIKE THAT.
[21:47] I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE
[21:48] THOUGHT RUSH WOULD HAVE WANTED to build
[21:50] A BRIDGE OR A CANAL OR SOMETHING. You
[21:52] could JUST FLOAT RIGHT OUT. FILL ME UP.
[21:54] FILL ME UP WITH CHOCOLATE AND
[21:55] prescription medication.
[22:01] I'm sorry for uh any offense I may have
[22:04] caused. Brush Limbo.
[22:06] >> Oh, wait. I'm not.
[22:11] Anyway, no, don't leave. I um This is
[22:14] awful but true, Rick. When I was a kid,
[22:15] one Halloween, I dressed up like a a a
[22:18] Mexican for Halloween. I know that's not
[22:20] very PC. I know it's not. I know. And I
[22:21] I regret it deeply, but I was about
[22:23] eight. And, you know, sensitivity was
[22:26] not my strong point as a youngster. And
[22:28] Mexico, where I I grew up in Scotland.
[22:30] Mexico was a very far off and exotic
[22:32] land. It was like France or Russia or
[22:34] something. It was like like miles away.
[22:36] And so, I wore a sombrero hat that my
[22:39] aunt and uncle had brought back from
[22:40] Spain. And I wore a blanket uh as a
[22:43] poncho. And then I painted a little
[22:44] mustache on with some mascara.
[22:48] I still dress like that occasionally,
[22:50] but
[22:53] only when I'm dancing.
[22:57] An extra 10 bucks. I'll let you take the
[22:59] blanket off.
[23:10] That's an American cup, buddy.
[23:14] Ah, they've probably tried to make cups
[23:16] like this in France and Russia, but they
[23:18] couldn't.
[23:20] Didn't have the technology.
[23:23] Good old American cup making knowhow
[23:28] from China.
[23:30] We'll take a break. We'll be right back,
[23:32] everybody. We'll be right back.
[23:48] Introducing the new Pringle Super Stack
[23:50] Can. Now there's more fun in every can
[23:52] of Pringles. That's because there's 100
[23:55] crisps in every can. That's more
[23:57] Pringles than ever before.
[23:59] >> We got the fun.
[24:02] >> Got to have that fun. We got the fun.
[24:05] Yeah. Got to have that fun.
[24:08] >> More Pringles, more fun.
[24:10] >> Everything pops with the new Pringle
[24:12] Super Stack can.
[24:14] >> Okay, I get it. These 10 sprinkles
[24:16] represent our friends and family. The 10
[24:18] people we can call whatever network
[24:19] they're on without using our minutes.
[24:21] >> That's included. No extra cost.
[24:23] >> Then these will be like the 80 million
[24:26] people on Verizon Wireless we can also
[24:28] call.
[24:28] >> Yep. Also included.
[24:32] >> Do you want whipped cream? Save minutes
[24:34] and money with Verizon Wireless.
[24:35] Unlimited calling to 10 out of network
[24:37] numbers, even landlines. Plus, get
[24:38] America's largest mobile calling family.
[24:40] Mother's Day deals are here, like the
[24:42] NV2 for just $49.99.
[24:44] >> Big day, big opportunity. Hi.
[24:48] >> Hello.
[24:50] >> For big moments anywhere.
[24:52] Keep a little strength in your pocket.
[24:55] Altoid Smalls. Are you in mint
[24:58] condition?
[24:59] >> Mhm. No, you don't need
[25:03] Yes.
[25:03] >> Just for Men takes five easy minutes,
[25:06] targets only the gray hair, and can take
[25:08] you to a more interesting place.
[25:10] >> Who's that?
[25:12] >> My husband.
[25:13] >> Just for men to
[25:28] my BK Star Trek glasses. Why don't you
[25:31] just take my girlfriend while you're at
[25:32] it?
[25:36] >> Awesome.
[25:38] >> Nice work, Tiberius.
[25:39] >> Start trading glasses. 1999 each with
[25:41] any PK value meal. Collect them all
[25:43] before the King's do.
[25:44] >> Wednesday, it's the biggest Christine
[25:46] ever.
[25:46] >> I spent hours on that exercise ball.
[25:48] >> Looks like you're still on it.
[25:50] >> Shape up with a new episode.
[25:52] >> Old Christine. Then Gary's brother is
[25:53] taking Gary's son on a mission. Las
[25:55] Vegas without permission.
[25:56] >> Where's Mitch?
[25:57] >> He's in the casino.
[25:58] >> I'm going to go kill him. I need a big
[26:00] bag of lime and a shovel. I need married
[26:02] at your old Christine. CBS Wednesday.
[26:05] >> Have a craving for cowzones? Then get
[26:07] down to Old Chicago, official home of
[26:10] the cowzone. Feeling creative? Build
[26:12] your own from our lineup of 40 fresh
[26:14] toppings. Or now for a limited time, try
[26:17] one of our new Cowzone creations like
[26:19] the chicken club packed with oven
[26:21] roasted chicken, smoked bacon, spinach,
[26:23] and more. And don't miss the Sicilian
[26:25] trio loaded with fresh Italian flavor
[26:28] for delicious cowzones you won't find
[26:30] anywhere else. Old Chicago. Eat, drink,
[26:33] be yourself.
[26:38] How your home looks says a lot about
[26:39] you.
[26:46] >> How it smells says more.
[26:49] For germy odors, there's Lysol Neutra
[26:52] Air Fresh Matic. It sprays automatically
[26:54] and can be set for every 9, 18, or 36
[26:56] minutes to constantly remove germy
[26:58] odors. AL can't do that. For fresh,
[27:01] clean air automatically, Lysol Neutra
[27:03] Air Fresh Matic.
[27:05] >> I'm Bob Lampir. Have you got garage
[27:07] envy? I'm having a garage sale. I want
[27:10] to fill up your garage with our Yamaha
[27:12] motorcycles, ATVs, and scooters. The
[27:15] best deals always go fast, and the
[27:16] savings are limited to stock on hand.
[27:19] shop from over 300 Yamahas eligible for
[27:21] zero down and 0% entry. Grab life by the
[27:25] throttle. Don't miss the great deals on
[27:27] Yamaha motorcycles, ATVs, and scooters
[27:30] at Beaverton Motorcycles on Highway 217
[27:33] across from Washington Square.
[27:39] Welcome back everybody.
[27:41] Welcome back uh to the big Cinco deayo
[27:44] show. By the way, earlier on I said that
[27:45] this cup was made in China. It wasn't.
[27:47] Wasn't made in China. Where was this cup
[27:49] made? Where uh you buddy with
[27:52] >> Albuquerque? Was it really made in
[27:54] Albuquerque? It was made in Albuquerque.
[27:56] It's a cup uh that celebrates the wonder
[27:59] that is the Albuquerque Rattlesnake
[28:01] Museum. And
[28:04] it's one of our national monuments here
[28:07] in America.
[28:08] And uh it was made in Albuquerque, not
[28:10] not in China, just so as you know. Um
[28:12] Albuquerque and China. Very different,
[28:14] of course.
[28:19] That's all I got. All right. And do we
[28:22] have time for the email? Do we? Uh,
[28:24] yeah. You know what? And the email
[28:26] jingle we that we use for Sinko Deio. Do
[28:28] we have time for the email jingle?
[28:36] There's always time
[28:39] with
[28:42] >> Well, that's that's got everything
[28:45] right.
[28:47] Yeah.
[28:50] Well, if I said anything offensive
[28:52] earlier on, it's clearly all cleared up
[28:54] now.
[28:56] All right. This is from um this is from
[28:58] Chris in Villa in Austria.
[29:07] Hi Craig, why are you introducing I'll
[29:10] do it in an Austrian accent. I probably
[29:11] should. Uh, hi Craig. Why are you
[29:13] introducing yourself at the beginning of
[29:14] every show? By the way, I know that
[29:16] sounds like German, but they were
[29:18] together during the war. So
[29:21] Oh, sorry. Too soon. Yes, it probably
[29:23] is.
[29:28] And now I'm beginning to see why you
[29:30] were so reticent with your applause.
[29:33] We have one French, one uh Russian, and
[29:36] everyone else is from Germany.
[29:43] Now we are clapping because finally you
[29:45] are beginning to suspect the awful
[29:47] truth.
[29:54] Hi Craig.
[29:56] No, he is from Austria. He says, "Hi
[29:58] Craig, why are you introducing yourself
[29:59] at the beginning of every show?
[30:01] Shouldn't everyone who is up at this
[30:02] hour know you by now? M
[30:07] I was only obeying orders. What happens
[30:10] is that
[30:14] CBS have ordered me to do it and even
[30:16] although I disagree, I went ahead and
[30:18] did it.
[30:22] Um this is uh from Lorraine in Paluma in
[30:25] California. Ah California. Look at it in
[30:29] all its glory. Look at that. Look at
[30:31] that great state of California out
[30:33] there. Known as the blue state here in
[30:35] America, California for its blue hue. By
[30:39] the way, Blue Hugh is the name I used to
[30:41] dance under.
[30:50] Uh, this is from Lorraine. She says,
[30:51] "Dear Craig, are you going to attend the
[30:53] White House correspondents dinner
[30:55] association thing this year?" Uh, no,
[30:57] I'm not. Uh I went last year and I spoke
[30:59] at it. It was very exciting for me. I
[31:01] get to, you know, get to meet all the
[31:03] but uh I'm not going this year because I
[31:05] went last year and as exciting as it
[31:08] was, it's in Washington, which is a long
[31:10] way away and I work here and I don't
[31:12] want to go.
[31:18] Wanda Sykes is doing the speaking.
[31:19] She'll be good. I think she'll be very
[31:21] very funny and she'll be good at it. I
[31:24] on the other hand
[31:30] Nah, it was all right. I I I was
[31:32] hilarious.
[31:36] >> Actually, it went all right. They gave
[31:38] me a standing ovation. Either that or
[31:39] they just wanted to leave very quickly
[31:41] after I was LIKE, "OH, YEAH. IT WAS
[31:43] GREAT."
[31:47] All right.
[31:50] Oh. Um.
[31:52] Mhm.
[31:54] Mhm.
[31:56] Mhm.
[32:02] This is from uh Laura in Saskatoon,
[32:05] which is in Saskatchewan in Canada. Now,
[32:08] didn't I tell you, can't we have emails
[32:09] from America? And we got Austria and
[32:12] Canada and California.
[32:19] Anyway, Laura says, "Uh, just to let you
[32:21] know, Canadian bacon isn't the same as
[32:22] ham. It's leaner. And in Canada, it's
[32:24] called back bacon. Whoa. And they said
[32:27] Canadians were dull.
[32:32] I'm kidding. I love you, Canada. You
[32:33] know I love you. Right. Right.
[32:46] There was this kid looking for a
[32:47] Mother's Day present and he said, "I
[32:48] just want it to be a really, really
[32:50] special personal gift. Not a CD, not a
[32:53] DVD. I was thinking, you know, what can
[32:55] be a personal present that doesn't cost
[32:57] a lot? I got it. I showed him one of
[32:59] these digital picture frames, little
[33:01] tiny keychains. He could put his
[33:03] pictures of them together on this little
[33:06] frame. I could definitely see her
[33:08] opening it up and just going, "My son
[33:10] loves me." It was really sweet. It just
[33:12] makes me smile. Everyone thinks about
[33:14] their mothers.
[33:16] >> I'm Marie Osmond and I lost 45 lbs on
[33:19] the Neutri System program. Neutri System
[33:21] Flex, our lowest priced program that
[33:23] gives you more flexibility than ever. At
[33:25] about $8 a day, it costs hundreds less
[33:28] than other weight loss programs.
[33:29] >> It's quick, it's easy, whether I'm in
[33:31] the studio, backstage, or at home. And
[33:34] look, it works.
[33:36] >> So now you can even go out and dine with
[33:38] friends. Order now and get our new
[33:40] recipe book free. Visit
[33:42] nutri.com/cookbook
[33:44] to start losing weight today.
[33:46] >> You feel like you were meant for
[33:47] something better, something special. You
[33:50] can be an officer in four years.
[33:53] >> It's an attack on Earth's next.
[33:55] >> We've got no captain.
[33:56] >> Yeah, we do.
[33:58] >> Come on. Do it.
[33:59] >> Star Trek. Rated PG-13.
[34:02] >> Samsung LED brings you sharper images
[34:05] and brighter colors. The ultras slim,
[34:08] eco-friendly Samsung LED TV. A whole new
[34:12] species of television.
[34:17] Learn how to change my own oil. Think I
[34:20] did something wrong. But you know how
[34:21] pricey these German cars are to
[34:23] maintain, right?
[34:24] >> Actually, Volkswagen has no charge
[34:26] scheduled carefree maintenance. Even the
[34:28] CC.
[34:29] >> No charge. Even on the CC,
[34:32] >> you know what they say about the best
[34:33] things in life, amigo.
[34:36] >> It's awesome for Volkswagen owners.
[34:46] Hello, I'm a Mac
[34:47] >> and I have an incredibly easy to use PC.
[34:49] What?
[34:50] >> What is that, buddy? Well,
[34:51] >> it's just a little legal copy. See,
[34:52] saying I'm much more simple and
[34:53] intuitive than you, Mac, requires a
[34:55] little explanation.
[34:56] >> Did your legal copy just grow?
[34:57] >> Yeah, I see. Usually PCs require a lot
[34:59] of regular maintenance. Downloading
[35:00] security patches, virus scans. I can't
[35:03] just go out there and say, "Hey, getting
[35:04] started on PC is the easiest thing in
[35:06] the world."
[35:06] >> Whoa. Whoa. That's a lot of legal copy.
[35:08] >> Watch this. PCs are now 100%
[35:10] trouble-free. Whoa.
[35:12] >> Whoa. Look at that.
[35:13] >> That's a lot of legal copy.
[35:16] >> Fishing pole. It's been a while. You
[35:19] stood in the basement gathering dust
[35:20] while I sneezing, itching eyes kept you
[35:22] from our favorite stream. The one that
[35:24] runs through a field where pollen floats
[35:26] through the air. But now, with the
[35:28] strength of 24-hour Zerek to relieve my
[35:30] worst allergy symptoms indoors and
[35:32] outdoors. Let's go before the fish stop
[35:34] biting. They won't wait for us. But
[35:36] that's okay. Zerek starts working 2
[35:38] hours faster than Claritin. Today we
[35:41] battle wits with the trout with Zerek. I
[35:44] can love the air.
[35:51] >> Welcome back everybody. Welcome all.
[35:54] Welcome back to the show everybody. My
[35:56] first guest uh tonight is going to be
[35:58] sitting in that chair over there. So I'm
[36:01] going to have to move the dog.
[36:04] If you hear the audience go a when I go
[36:07] anywhere near the dog, remember they're
[36:10] German.
[36:16] So the all for the dog may not be I'm
[36:19] only suggesting it could possibly be a
[36:22] ploy.
[36:28] >> I'll just move the dog then.
[36:33] Oh.
[36:35] >> Ah, yes. The Germans went, "Oh." But the
[36:38] Americans clapped.
[36:41] >> My first guest tonight is his
[36:42] autobiography is out now in the
[36:44] paperback. It's called Don't Mind If I
[36:46] Do.
[36:50] THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED. Don't mind if I
[36:53] do. Please welcome back George Hamilton.
[36:56] Everybody, George Hamilton.
[37:27] Welcome, George. Welcome. Good to see
[37:29] you again.
[37:31] Lovely to see you, George.
[37:36] I know.
[37:44] >> We see
[37:47] that Russian.
[37:48] >> Russian. Yeah. Yeah.
[37:49] >> French.
[37:50] >> French. Yeah.
[37:51] >> Oh, thank you.
[37:52] >> Peel off the stuff in the back. You look
[37:54] like me then.
[37:55] >> Yeah. Is that you're still speaking
[37:56] English, but now you're putting on some
[37:58] kind of accent.
[38:00] There you are. How's that?
[38:08] >> Um the uh I you know I remember you came
[38:11] on when this book came out in the hard
[38:13] copy and then you're coming on with the
[38:14] uh the paperback and they've changed the
[38:16] cover on the front. Is this a recent
[38:18] picture of you, Joe?
[38:20] >> I don't know what that is. It looks like
[38:22] Rasputin. I mean I've got some weird
[38:24] thing here. Little Beatles. I've only
[38:26] been on a date twice in my That was one
[38:28] of them.
[38:28] >> I mean, it was like like a Nou look.
[38:31] It's just wrong.
[38:32] >> I think you look good. I think you look
[38:33] like a Jonas brother right there.
[38:37] >> Do you mind if I take my mustache off?
[38:38] >> No, I'm going to take mine off, too.
[38:39] >> Oh, really?
[38:40] >> Oh, it's false.
[38:42] >> You don't think I'm that masculine that
[38:44] I can grow it?
[38:45] >> Oh, I'm sure you could grow a mustache
[38:46] in your sleep.
[38:49] >> I just tried to make a little, you know,
[38:51] point for Cinco de Oh my god.
[38:53] >> Yeah. Well, I don't coming on.
[39:00] I know.
[39:03] >> How have you been, pal? I haven't seen
[39:04] you in an age. What have you been up to?
[39:06] >> You were very sweet to invite me for my
[39:07] my first book, which was the same book.
[39:09] >> Same book, but in a hard copy. This is
[39:11] better because it's paperback, so you
[39:13] can take it on the plane.
[39:14] >> Cheaper, easier, and a weirder picture.
[39:15] The one the first one was like sprayed
[39:17] lenolium, which is more like me. This is
[39:20] I got when I was younger.
[39:21] >> Yeah. No, this is nice though.
[39:23] Everything here was normal then. These
[39:25] teeth not not normal. The hair is not
[39:26] normal. Everything here.
[39:27] >> You haven't had any work done though,
[39:29] have you?
[39:29] >> Are you kidding? I got a crew a
[39:32] >> It looks very It's very good then.
[39:34] >> No, seriously. It there's very few
[39:36] things that I've done. But um I've been
[39:38] told in the last couple of days I have
[39:40] to have a knee replacement and two
[39:42] shoulder replacements.
[39:43] >> Wow.
[39:43] >> Can you imagine doing that?
[39:45] >> No. I found a doctor though in Chicago
[39:48] who gets you very high. He does whatever
[39:51] he can. You're out in a day. Wow.
[39:53] >> Yes. You can give
[39:54] >> two shoulders and a knee.
[39:55] >> Yeah. No, just a knee. If you live, you
[39:57] come back to the shoulders,
[39:58] >> right?
[40:00] >> You know, 17 years ago.
[40:02] >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[40:04] >> Didn't matter, did you?
[40:05] >> No. No. I was
[40:05] >> You could run into a car.
[40:07] >> Did you ever drink the tequila?
[40:09] >> Oh, god. I love it. I even ate the worm
[40:10] in the mscal.
[40:11] >> Yeah. Oh, you call it mscal.
[40:13] >> The mscal is like
[40:14] >> I thought it was mess. It's messcal.
[40:15] >> No. Messed up.
[40:16] >> Oh. Oh.
[40:18] >> The messcal has a worm in it. Yes. And
[40:20] it's a little stronger. Then you go way
[40:22] beyond that. It's called pulky, which is
[40:23] like a white syrup. And then if I really
[40:26] messed up, it's called ricea. I mean,
[40:28] you just stare at the sun. I did that.
[40:31] It is
[40:34] cheap jokes. It's cheap.
[40:35] >> No, it fit in with the rest of the show.
[40:38] >> But I I um I spent a lot of time in
[40:41] Mexico. I made Zoro the gay blade.
[40:43] >> Oh, yeah. I remember that. That was
[40:44] good, actually.
[40:49] >> Had fun doing it. Had fun doing
[40:51] Remember, these people are just clapping
[40:52] because they're German. It's nothing to
[40:53] do with
[40:54] >> I understand, but most of them are not
[40:55] that young that you would remember it or
[40:57] that old that we remember.
[40:58] >> Well, no, George the Gate Blade was in
[40:59] the 70s, wasn't it?
[41:00] >> Yes, but I mean, how many people
[41:01] Everybody here must have been born 83?
[41:03] >> Yeah.
[41:05] Your your eyesight's clearly going,
[41:07] George?
[41:08] >> No. So, you're really going to have your
[41:10] shoulders replaced? Wait, you're going
[41:11] to have bigger ones PUT IN? IF I had to
[41:13] get my shoulders replaced, I'd get big
[41:14] Jackie Collins ones put in.
[41:16] >> Yeah, we are. Right. But my my uh my
[41:18] shoulders really are most of the things
[41:20] you do as you get older in your suit.
[41:22] You you realize that. I mean they your
[41:24] tailor can do that for you. But I I did
[41:26] Dancing with the Stars and I and I
[41:28] realized that,
[41:29] >> you know, I was I was working with Jerry
[41:31] Rice and Jerry Rice was was our best
[41:33] football player ever. I mean, wide
[41:35] receiver, you all know. And he was
[41:36] complaining when we were down to the
[41:38] finals that his his back was hurting,
[41:40] his knees were hurting. And I said,
[41:42] "God's sake, everything hurts on me,
[41:43] pal, but I'm 68 years old. Suck it up."
[41:46] Yeah, you you you learn to adapt. I
[41:49] don't know whether to go ahead and have
[41:50] the knee replacement or whether just get
[41:53] by with one young leg and one that you
[41:55] drag around.
[41:56] >> No, you don't want to do that because
[41:58] you'll end up walking in circles right
[41:59] there. You don't want to do that.
[42:01] >> Doesn't mind if you have something to
[42:02] come back to.
[42:03] >> Oh, do you dating anyone now? You seen
[42:05] anyone? You got any
[42:06] >> a doctor, strangely enough.
[42:08] >> One from Chicago, right?
[42:09] >> No, no, no. She's She's actually from
[42:11] Germany and I went to see her.
[42:12] >> You're kidding.
[42:14] >> Really? Knock it off, Germans.
[42:17] >> Really? Which part of Germany?
[42:19] >> She's duss.
[42:22] >> That's the That's the good part.
[42:25] >> They're not really George. They're not
[42:27] They're not really German.
[42:29] >> Russian. Russian.
[42:32] >> I know. She'll think she'll think you're
[42:35] speaking Ukrainian if you talk.
[42:37] >> I spoke to her in Russian. She said,
[42:39] "That's Ukrainian." I said, "That's good
[42:41] to me, lady."
[42:42] >> You spoke to my girlfriend? I never
[42:43] spoke to your girlfriend.
[42:44] >> I don't know. I think you did.
[42:46] >> Really? What?
[42:47] >> Would you like to stuff outside?
[42:48] >> No. Well, out there. Look, it's raining.
[42:50] I can't go out.
[42:52] >> I've had 92 professional fights.
[42:54] >> Really?
[42:55] >> Yeah. Only two been with men. I lost
[42:56] both of those.
[42:57] >> Right.
[42:57] >> Did you actually
[43:00] German? Maybe they are German.
[43:02] >> You're right. Thank you so much.
[43:04] >> No, it's all right.
[43:05] >> No, no, no. Sit down. Sit down. Sit
[43:07] down. What I know about your girlfriend?
[43:09] Uh she's she's a basically an orthopedic
[43:13] specialist. And um do I look too much
[43:16] like Paris Hilton?
[43:18] >> You know, I I got to say Paris has been
[43:19] on here many times and you look nothing
[43:21] like her. You're you're all right.
[43:23] >> But but she's she's the very best that
[43:25] you
[43:34] come here. Come here. Come here. Have a
[43:36] little drink.
[43:39] There you go. Oh,
[43:47] there you are. Look at that.
[43:53] >> Now the house's broken, huh?
[43:54] >> Yeah.
[43:55] She's she's German and she actually is
[43:58] an orthopedic specialist and I went to
[44:00] her to actually fix my shoulders but she
[44:02] couldn't do it because she said you need
[44:04] a few days here.
[44:06] >> Oh, she liked you. Eh,
[44:08] >> 5 days afterwards we were like that was
[44:10] it, you know. But now I have a doctor
[44:12] and a nurse and when she'll be with me
[44:13] during this entire mess if I do it. I
[44:15] mean I got to think about it and I want
[44:17] to call you nightly.
[44:18] >> Call me. Yeah, because I'm I'm the guy
[44:20] I'm the go-to guy for shoulder and knee
[44:22] replacement advice.
[44:25] You you've had a few days of
[44:27] >> I've had some things replaced, but not
[44:28] on a permanent basis.
[44:30] >> Well, I don't know what it would be
[44:32] like. I worry about it, but Has anybody
[44:34] here had a knee replacement?
[44:36] >> Don't ask.
[44:36] >> Oh, yeah. That sounded really good. Or I
[44:38] feel really assured. Yes, I'll do that
[44:40] now.
[44:41] >> How about a heart?
[44:43] >> They're German. They don't have hearts.
[44:47] >> I'm kidding. That's a joke. It's a joke.
[44:49] Oh, for heaven's sake. Lighten up,
[44:50] Germany. Uh, now is is you I think this
[44:54] is an amazing coincidence that you're
[44:55] getting. Is your girlfriend here with
[44:57] you?
[44:57] >> No, she's not. Unfortunately,
[44:58] >> is she younger than you? Uh, George,
[45:02] >> well, I mean,
[45:03] >> my wife younger than me, by the way.
[45:04] >> There's a sort of a respectable
[45:06] distance. She's She's uh 37.
[45:10] >> Mhm.
[45:10] >> Uh, but she has to be strong enough to
[45:12] push a wheelchair.
[45:15] >> May May I ask how old you are, or is
[45:17] that too rude to
[45:17] >> No, no, I'm happy. Um, I'm also I'm
[45:20] happy but I'm lame. Um, I'm I'm 69 and
[45:23] will be August 12th 70.
[45:26] >> Congratulations.
[45:27] >> Thank you.
[45:29] Let me ask you something. In your mind,
[45:31] do you think that is a is that is that
[45:33] wrong for a man to have that kind of
[45:35] relationship at this age? Should I be
[45:37] with a woman older? Do you think?
[45:38] >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. HE WAS ASKING ME. I
[45:40] happen TO AGREE WITH YOU, BUT HE WAS
[45:42] ASKING ME.
[45:44] >> NO, NO. I I don't think I look at, you
[45:46] know, the woman's 30 something years
[45:47] old. Well, she can make her own
[45:48] decisions. Absolutely.
[45:50] I hope I'm there. Yeah. You know what
[45:52] I'm saying? Yeah.
[45:53] >> Yeah. But it's it's it's it's she's
[45:54] perfect. She's a great girl. I like
[45:56] being I'm not a guy that likes to play
[45:58] around.
[45:59] >> George.
[46:01] >> George, you lied in front of the puppy.
[46:05] >> Puppy?
[46:08] >> Yeah, I did, unfortunately. But the
[46:09] truth of the matter is I I I wouldn't
[46:11] with her because she's very she's scary.
[46:13] She's she wouldn't I couldn't do that.
[46:15] You you'd have a big problem if you
[46:17] >> she might you know you might go to sleep
[46:18] one night and she'll replace your
[46:19] shoulder.
[46:21] >> She actually gives me shots. That's what
[46:23] she There's an interesting thing they
[46:25] do.
[46:25] >> Wait, wait, wait. She gives you shots?
[46:27] >> Yeah. The meds will kick in any minute.
[46:28] YOU'LL LIKE IT.
[46:29] >> WOW.
[46:30] >> SHE PUT A needle in me this long in here
[46:32] and one in here and my knee and I
[46:34] actually could walk again and dance
[46:36] >> and dance.
[46:37] >> Yes.
[46:37] >> Do you dance with her after you've had
[46:39] your injections?
[46:40] >> Yeah. Well, but that's right. Then we
[46:41] then she gives me other forms of
[46:42] injection.
[46:43] >> All right. That's enough. That's enough.
[46:45] Put it in the next book. George
[46:46] Hamilton, everybody where I'm at.
[46:58] >> Disney Pixar presents its 10th film and
[47:02] its first in 3D.
[47:04] >> So long, boys.
[47:07] >> On May 29th,
[47:08] >> where are we?
[47:09] >> Discover a lost world.
[47:11] >> Shoot.
[47:12] GONE BEAT IT
[47:15] >> with the last two guys who should be
[47:18] there.
[47:18] >> DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE?
[47:23] >> Disney Pixar's Up in theaters May 29th.
[47:26] Rated PG.
[47:27] >> I have arthritis in my left hand and I'm
[47:29] left-handed, but I've been taking a
[47:31] leave.
[47:31] >> Only two a leave can stop pain all day.
[47:34] That would take twice as many Advil or
[47:35] four times as many Tylenol.
[47:37] >> I've been bowling for 50 years. I would
[47:40] feel bad if I couldn't bowl.
[47:42] What's a 13letter phrase for marriage
[47:44] proposal? I
[47:44] >> have absolutely no idea.
[47:46] >> He went to Jared.
[47:49] >> He went to Jared.
[47:50] >> Jared has thousands of loose diamonds
[47:52] and hundreds of settings so you can
[47:53] create your one-of-a-kind ring at Jared,
[47:55] the Galleria of Jewelry.
[48:00] Chore
[48:03] chore
[48:07] rinse.
[48:09] Rinse a with McDonald's mafe iced
[48:12] coffee. A better day is possible or
[48:14] possibly a bold arabica beans taste
[48:17] smooth and creamy. Sprinkle
[48:21] sprinkle. If you haven't tried an iced
[48:23] coffee yet, make cafe your day.
[48:27] We place Leah's sofa in this glass box
[48:29] full of black cats.
[48:30] >> Wait, wait, no.
[48:31] >> To demonstrate the cleaning power of our
[48:33] newest Pledge product.
[48:34] >> I'm going to clean my couch with this
[48:36] pledge.
[48:37] >> Not that pledge, Leah. Meet the new
[48:39] Pledge Fabric Sweeper. It's quick and
[48:41] effective. Removing as much pet hair as
[48:44] 145 sticky lint roller sheets.
[48:46] >> Wow, really works. Ooh, that is one big
[48:49] hair ball.
[48:50] >> Pick up pet hair. That's the beauty of
[48:52] the new Pledge Fabric Sweeper. You'll
[48:54] find it where you find Pledge. SC
[48:56] Johnson, a family company.
[48:57] >> I saw this ad on television. If you lose
[48:59] your job, they take your car back.
[49:02] >> I think that sounds like the worst day
[49:03] ever.
[49:04] >> At Saturn, we wouldn't do that. If you
[49:06] buy a new Saturn and lose your job,
[49:08] we'll make your payments for up to 9
[49:10] months. We'll even help protect its
[49:11] value at tradein time. It's all part of
[49:14] something we're calling Saturn total
[49:15] confidence. We've been doing right by
[49:17] people since day one. Learn more at
[49:20] saturnconfidence.com.
[49:22] Get 0% APR for 60 months on most09
[49:25] vehicles.
[49:30] The
[49:31] >> Vegas police.
[49:33] >> Your husband was killed during an
[49:35] undercover operation. You want to catch
[49:37] a rat?
[49:38] >> Move like a rat.
[49:39] >> It's going to be a war.
[49:40] >> SOMEONE'S TRYING TO send us a message.
[49:44] >> Don't miss an UCSI CBS Thursday.
[49:51] Welcome back everybody.
[49:53] Welcome back.
[49:55] Welcome back. I know I know what you're
[49:57] thinking. You're probably thinking,
[49:58] "Wow, if that's a CD, that Scottish guy
[50:02] must be tiny.
[50:08] I am I'm very very small."
[50:13] No, it's it's an album. It's an LP. They
[50:15] used to call them LPs, didn't they? When
[50:16] they were this big LPS. That's for long
[50:18] player because you could, you know, like
[50:21] George Hamilton. Really,
[50:25] it's a long player.
[50:27] Um anyway, uh my next guest is here.
[50:29] She's a singer songwriter performing C.
[50:31] Fernando from her second release, Acid
[50:34] Tongue. Please welcome the lovely Jenny
[50:35] Lewis, everybody. Jenny Lewis.
[51:04] I will tell like a waterfall now speaks
[51:08] a landslide
[51:10] in a shiny a good buzz feeling all right
[51:15] the top
[51:16] You ain't gone. See the side. Sleep
[51:19] tonight. Stand your feet tonight.
[51:22] Where you want to go?
[51:26] Secret.
[51:28] Secret
[51:33] everyone. Secret
[51:40] stressed out. Down in the dark's been
[51:42] turned out. Stabilized. Motoriized.
[51:45] Inseure fab.
[51:48] So furious
[51:50] like the earth.
[51:54] Don't you try to dry out your eyes if
[51:56] you want to go with the sun and go see
[52:07] everyone
[52:08] and go deeper and go.
[52:14] Heat.
[52:27] Heat.
[52:50] Jezebel back from hell.
[52:53] Feeling well tired of talking out
[53:02] your mind up TV.
[53:05] had a fallen to your knees. If you want
[53:08] to go with each of the sun, see
[53:11] Fernando.
[53:13] See Fernando
[53:16] father
[53:18] for you and everyone. See Fernando.
[53:21] See Fernando.
[53:24] If you want to go where they
[53:28] see
[53:30] Fernando
[53:34] for you
[53:38] see Fernando
[54:07] With only three Survivor episodes to go,
[54:09] does this odd couple control the game?
[54:11] >> People are individually coming to us and
[54:13] begging for our mercy.
[54:14] >> I will do anything for you, too.
[54:16] >> Got to watch out for people like that.
[54:18] Plus, at the most extreme Survivor
[54:20] auction ever. Why is everyone
[54:23] >> freaking out?
[54:25] >> All new Survivor. CBS Thursday.
[54:27] >> Donate or buy a used car from Portland
[54:29] Rescue Mission and help hurting people
[54:31] right here in our community. We
[54:33] recondition your car, then sell it,
[54:35] offering you the maximum tax deduction
[54:37] allowed. Call Portland Rescue Mission at
[54:40] 503 Mission and give something more.
[54:42] >> Dr. Ken Wadell on sedation dentistry.
[54:45] The process of sedation dentistry starts
[54:46] with first coming in and and we
[54:48] interview you and find out what you're
[54:49] looking for and what you want and what's
[54:51] important to you and what your concerns
[54:52] or fears are. When we provide sedation
[54:54] dentistry, we allows them to come in in
[54:56] an atmosphere in a way that's
[54:57] non-threatening and makes it tolerable,
[54:59] makes it easy.
[55:00] >> It's amazing the difference that it's
[55:02] made. I just know that I'm a happier
[55:04] person.
[55:05] >> Come into our office and find out how
[55:07] easy sedation dentistry makes getting
[55:09] your smile back.
[55:10] >> Take the first step. Call today.
[55:13] >> Dr. Dr. Jerry Dar discusses lipolyft
[55:15] available now at aesthetic medicine.
[55:18] >> So the lipoly lift can reduce fat
[55:20] deposits in the tummy, on the thighs, in
[55:24] the love handles, and you can take off
[55:27] inches in a matter of weeks.
[55:28] >> With over 30,000 successful procedures,
[55:31] discover for yourself why aesthetic
[55:33] medicine has grown to become one of the
[55:35] largest medical spas on the West Coast.
[55:37] Call today for a free consultation or
[55:40] visit online at drdarmm.com.
[55:43] Movie night can get pretty crazy when
[55:45] all us chameleons are in the mood for
[55:47] something different.
[55:48] >> Action.
[55:49] >> No good.
[55:50] >> I like to make it a bit more relaxing
[55:52] with an Airwick aromatherapy fragrance.
[55:54] I love how Airwick aromatherapy uses
[55:57] fruit and flour essential oils to
[55:59] inspire the right kind of mood. Lavender
[56:02] and chamomile.
[56:05] And when they're relaxed, I'm relaxed.
[56:08] Choose the mood that's right for your
[56:10] home. Airwick. It's good to be home.
[56:13] >> It's Gage Auto Sales 10th anniversary
[56:15] sale. Over 300 top quality cars, trucks,
[56:17] and SUVs to choose from with millions of
[56:20] dollars in financing available. Find the
[56:22] right vehicle at the right price right
[56:23] now. The 10th anniversary sale going on
[56:25] now at Gage Auto Sales on Mclofflin in
[56:27] Milwaukee.
[56:31] >> Show
[56:50] You will never rule the show.
[56:53] Yes, I will. I will rule the show
[56:56] because I'm a snake.
[57:00] You're not a snake. You're a cup.
[57:04] Do you know what I just noticed about
[57:05] this dog? That it had a mustache on
[57:07] earlier on and it's and then it's gone.
[57:09] Someone has shaved my dog.
[57:18] By the way, that's the name of a movie I
[57:19] accidentally starred in once.
[57:24] Someone has shaved my dog.
[57:28] Do you remember uh Disney used to make
[57:30] those movies in the 70s and stuff? The
[57:32] live action movies was before they had
[57:34] their resurgence with the Lion King and
[57:36] they all came back and everything. They
[57:37] made animated movies. But in the 70s
[57:39] they made movies like little scorpions
[57:40] and snakes dancing in the desert and
[57:43] they go
[57:46] whole company nearly went out of
[57:48] business on that crap.
[57:54] Stick to cartoons Disney. That's what I
[57:56] say. And the uh Jonas Brothers
[58:01] cartoons. What a
[58:08] You know, the strangest thing is I did
[58:10] that and everybody went, "Ah." Except my
[58:13] eyes go to the one lady in the audience
[58:15] who went.
[58:19] You know who you are.
[58:22] I saw you. You went,
[58:25] "And you did the same thing when I
[58:27] shaved my dog.
[58:32] We've gone way over time tonight.
[58:40] >> It doesn't make you a revolutionary.
[58:43] Just makes you, you know, five less
[58:45] seconds of the Shamwow infomercial.
[58:47] It'll be all right. All right, we have
[58:49] to go. Good night, everybody. Night
[58:50] night.
[59:00] Miss an episode of your favorite CBS
[59:01] show? Catch up on coinloc6.com.
[59:04] Prime time, daytime, plus specials and
[59:06] TV classics only on coinlo6.com.
[59:10] >> It was like the most amazing thing. All
[59:14] fiery orange and pink. Birds were
[59:17] singing. It was so
[59:20] surreal.
[59:22] >> Yeah. It's called morning.
[59:26] I like it.
[59:28] >> Morning just got tastier with Subway
[59:30] flatbread omelette sandwiches. Like the
[59:32] tasty western and cheese with black
[59:33] forest ham or the double bacon and
[59:35] cheese. Top it off with a cup of freshly
[59:37] brewed Seattle's best coffee. Subway. Be
[59:39] fresh.
[59:40] >> Dr. Jerry Darmm discusses Laser Lift.
[59:42] Available now at Aesthetic Medicine.
[59:44] >> The Laser Lift is the signature
[59:46] procedure here at Aesthetic Medicine. We
[59:48] have worked for years and years to
[59:50] perfect this procedure. After the laser
[59:52] lift, you'll feel better. You'll look
[59:54] better and you'll be ready to face the
[59:56] world.
[59:56] >> With over 30,000 successful procedures,
[59:59] discover for yourself why aesthetic
[60:01] medicine has grown to become one of the
[60:03] largest medical spas on the West Coast.
[60:05] Call today for a free consultation or
[60:07] visit online at drdarmm.com.
[60:12] >> For flag and country, more than 58,000
[60:14] Americans gave their lives in Vietnam.
[60:17] With their names carved in granite, the
[60:19] Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington
[60:21] DC is an unforgettable experience for
[60:23] those who visit. For those who can't,
[60:26] Dignity Memorial Funeral and Cemetery
[60:28] providers are bringing it to you. Visit
[60:30] the Dignity Memorial Vietnam Wall. A
[60:33] replica on display at this location.
[60:40] >> Wow.
[60:41] >> What?
[60:42] >> Nothing. Nothing.
[60:43] >> I can take this whenever you guys are
[60:44] ready.
[60:45] >> Oh, thanks. cuz I paid for it last. So,
[60:47] you know,
[60:49] >> that's it. Love this place. Free Wi-Fi,
[60:52] >> free paper,
[60:53] >> free refills.
[60:54] >> If you like free, you'll love Wamu free
[60:56] checking. Get free online banking, a
[60:58] free debit card, free checks, and free
[60:59] ATM cash withdrawals.
[61:01] >> Do you have a Biscati? Another one?
[61:02] >> Scotty's free.
[61:03] >> Yeah, I knew that.
[61:05] >> Free checking from Wamu. Now backed by
[61:07] the power of Chase.
[61:12] >> This is not a bubble.
[61:14] It's Wi-Fi, the little signal you find
[61:16] in a coffee shop or a book.
[61:19] These are the laptop cards the phone
[61:21] companies offer. They let you get online
[61:24] more places, but they're not that fast.
[61:27] This is Clear. Clear covers entire
[61:31] cities with a super fast mobile internet
[61:33] called YAX.
[61:35] Welcome to the future.