The Late Show with David Letterman (CBS) - 2001-01-05 (repeat from 2000-11-14)

Channel: malgent

Transcript

Language: English (original, Whisper AI)

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[0:50] Good Guys.

[0:51] Shirley Hancock, only on CoinSix News.

[0:54] People make the difference.

[0:57] Congratulations to Ted Danson on his Golden Globe nomination.

[1:00] Don't miss Becker.

[1:01] CBS Monday.

[1:02] From New York, recount this.

[1:06] It's the late show with David Letterman.

[1:12] Tonight, Bruce Willis.

[1:16] And Charles Barkley.

[1:21] But Paul Schaefer and the CBS Orchestra.

[1:28] And now, a man who's been double-punched.

[1:35] Dave.

[1:36] Hey.

[1:38] Who let her be?

[2:02] How do you do?

[2:05] Thank you.

[2:07] Very nice of you.

[2:10] That's it.

[2:13] Welcome to the show, ladies and gentlemen.

[2:14] It's the late show.

[2:15] Another big Tuesday night right here on CBS.

[2:17] My name is Dave.

[2:18] I'm the host of the show.

[2:19] Hey.

[2:20] Celebrity.

[2:21] Celebrity birthday.

[2:21] You know whose birthday it is today?

[2:23] He's 76 years old, 78 years old.

[2:26] Boutros Boutros Ghali.

[2:27] Happy birthday.

[2:28] Boutros Boutros.

[2:29] 78 years old.

[2:36] And they had a big party and his friends got together.

[2:39] They all chipped in and bought him another Boutros.

[2:42] God, I love that joke.

[2:44] We do it every year.

[2:49] Hey, let me get serious here for a second.

[2:50] I had to go to the doctor today.

[2:52] You know why?

[2:52] I have a hanging Chad.

[2:58] That's right.

[3:00] This recount thing has gone crazy.

[3:03] Earlier today, they found two dozen more ballots in Gloria Estefan's Capri pants.

[3:07] No.

[3:10] A hanging Chad.

[3:15] They think the entire mess done in Florida will come down to the absentee ballot of Elian

[3:20] Gonzalez.

[3:21] Ah, not that.

[3:21] That's so good.

[3:23] And that's after.

[3:24] And there you go.

[3:28] You're following this stuff.

[3:29] It's pretty exciting.

[3:30] Al Gore, Vice President Al Gore, had a press conference today.

[3:33] Why is he wearing a Band-Aid now, too?

[3:35] What?

[3:42] He thought maybe Bush had some kind of an advantage with the Band-Aids.

[3:45] He said, well, I can get a Band-Aid.

[3:49] What the hell?

[3:51] But here's...

[3:55] The candidates have worked out a compromise, and thank God, not a minute too soon.

[3:59] Here's how it's going to go.

[4:00] George W. Bush will be president for the red states.

[4:05] Al W. Gore will be president for the blue states, and that's the best thing we can do.

[4:17] So, now, in a related story, it's funny how stuff like this works.

[4:20] The son, I guess it's the son of the governor of Florida, Jeb Bush.

[4:24] They call him Jeb, Jebby Bush, Jr.

[4:29] Jeb Bush, Jr. is not bad enough to have Jebby.

[4:33] The kid, he's like 16 years old, and the cops find him in the parking lot of a mall naked in a car with a babe.

[4:45] So, I think this might be the Bush that really has the presidential material.

[4:49] This might...

[4:49] This is the kid that...

[4:59] You know what we're doing because President Clinton has only got a couple of months left in office,

[5:04] so every night here on The Late Show, we'll be doing a Clinton classic joke.

[5:07] Oh, my favorite.

[5:08] That's right.

[5:09] I love the Clinton classic.

[5:10] Clinton classic.

[5:11] Yeah.

[5:15] Now, tonight's Clinton classic I told on January 30, 1998.

[5:20] 1998.

[5:20] Here's tonight's Clinton classic joke.

[5:23] President Clinton, over the weekend, went to see the motion picture Titanic.

[5:27] You know, Clinton and the Titanic have a great deal in common.

[5:31] Yeah.

[5:34] 1,200 people also went down on him.

[5:37] Ah!

[5:46] 1,200 people also went down on him.

[5:46] 2,200 people also went down on him.

[6:19] You've got to be down in Florida counting ballots.

[6:23] Leave us alone.

[6:26] Look, kids, it's our good friend Paul Schaefer.

[6:28] He's right there.

[6:43] Thank you very much, Paul Schaefer, the CBS Orchestra, and Felicia Collins and her CBS Orchestra.

[6:57] We've got a lovely show for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen.

[6:59] I'm very excited about this.

[7:00] Paul, introduce the gentleman sitting in with the horns tonight.

[7:03] This is the primo, number one trumpet player in the Latin genre in the world.

[7:08] In the world.

[7:08] So good, there's a movie of his life story coming out now where Andy Garcia plays him.

[7:13] It's on HBO.

[7:14] You've got the thing right there, right?

[7:16] I've got the thing right here, yeah.

[7:16] That's the soundtrack of it, for love of country.

[7:19] This man knocks me out every time he's here, Mr. Arturo Sandoval.

[7:23] Arturo Sandoval.

[7:26] Thank you very much.

[7:27] Thank you.

[7:28] Thank you very much.

[7:29] Thank you, sir.

[7:36] Also on the show tonight, Bruce Willis, ladies and gentlemen.

[7:39] Big, big movie show, Bruce Willis.

[7:42] Charles Berkley.

[7:44] Oh, yeah.

[7:45] Charles Berkley, formerly of the Houston Rockets, Charles Berkley.

[7:50] I just want to mention something.

[7:51] By the way, it's Tuesday again.

[7:53] Did you folks get a chance to vote again today?

[7:55] I got up early and went and voted again.

[7:57] You voted again?

[7:58] Yeah, well, I thought, you know, you're better safe than sorry, I said to myself.

[8:02] But if you've been watching this show at all with any regularity, and I find that hard

[8:07] to believe, you know, the problem we have with the show on Tuesday, Paul, you tell them

[8:16] the problem we have with the show on Tuesday.

[8:17] Well, because early in the morning, every Tuesday, you have to go get up at the crack of

[8:22] dogs for extreme dental work.

[8:24] That's right.

[8:25] Every Tuesday morning.

[8:25] The only time the guy will get me in is bright and early.

[8:28] It's like 6 o'clock.

[8:29] It's dawn.

[8:30] That's what you have to say.

[8:31] I'm in the chair.

[8:32] Yeah.

[8:32] I get no gas, nothing.

[8:34] I'm right there.

[8:35] You go, oh, natural.

[8:36] Yeah.

[8:39] And so last time we did this, I couldn't talk.

[8:43] I can talk fine now.

[8:44] But here's the problem.

[8:45] And the guy is doing some very intricate, experimental dental surgery.

[8:53] And so, you know, I'll tell you, it's me.

[8:56] I have unusual teeth.

[8:57] There's no getting around it.

[8:58] Oh, so it's you.

[8:59] Yeah, it's me.

[9:00] Okay.

[9:00] What we're trying to do is make them a little less unusual.

[9:02] I see.

[9:03] Because I'm tired of frightening children.

[9:08] So here's that.

[9:09] So far, am I all right?

[9:10] I'm talking okay?

[9:11] You can hear me?

[9:12] I can hear every word, yeah.

[9:13] Last time you had to talk around the issue.

[9:15] I can walk around it.

[9:15] I sounded like Dear Abby or whoever that is.

[9:18] Now, here's the problem.

[9:20] Before I went in for the thing today, I could do this, and I can do this now, but I can't

[9:26] do that.

[9:26] You can't do that.

[9:27] Yeah, I could do this, and I can't do this now.

[9:29] Right.

[9:31] And because I've been doing this all day, now I'm getting the TMJ.

[9:35] I'm getting the TMJ.

[9:36] Of course.

[9:36] Right there.

[9:37] I'm getting the temporal mandibular joint disorder.

[9:40] So you're hearing some clicking in your ears?

[9:42] No, it's just great pain, and it's swelling.

[9:44] Here's the problem.

[9:45] You can do this.

[9:46] You can do that.

[9:47] I can't do that.

[9:51] I'll tell you how unusual my teeth are.

[9:53] Most humans, how many teeth do most humans have in their mouth?

[9:55] I don't remember.

[9:56] Is that 32?

[9:57] Yeah, that's right.

[9:57] I have 33.

[9:59] Oh, man.

[9:59] You're so unusual.

[10:03] We had to add one.

[10:04] Is that what?

[10:05] Yeah, I got so much room where my teeth are.

[10:08] Let's put in a spare.

[10:09] Oh, I see.

[10:09] So you've added an extra tooth.

[10:11] That's right.

[10:12] That's how it usually works.

[10:13] In case one blows out, I can call it AAA, and everything will be fine.

[10:16] But at least I'm here.

[10:19] Glad you're here.

[10:24] It's a great show.

[10:25] I'm very excited about tonight's show.

[10:27] Paul has something exciting for us a little bit later.

[10:29] But right now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for Ball State University Fighting Football

[10:33] Cardinals, Fighting Football Cardinals Highlights.

[10:35] Alan, where were you, by the way?

[10:37] Ball State University Fighting Football Cardinals, Fighting Football Cardinals Highlights, are

[10:41] brought to you by the most powerful man in show business, CBS President Les Moonbeck.

[10:47] Les enjoys golfing, horseback riding, and romantic cruises in the Mediterranean.

[10:54] Now, back to you, Doc Fink.

[10:56] Thank you very much, Alan Coulter, ladies and gentlemen.

[10:59] As you know, ladies and gentlemen, the most exciting college football team in all America

[11:02] are the Ball State Fighting Football Cardinals.

[11:04] And they played again over the weekend, and they did not play in the friendly confines

[11:09] of Dave Letterman Stadium.

[11:11] They played, this was an away game.

[11:12] Too bad.

[11:13] Too bad they couldn't play at home.

[11:14] They didn't play at home.

[11:15] No, they couldn't play at home.

[11:16] They played the Toledo Rockets at Toledo.

[11:20] Okay, here's how it went.

[11:21] First, there was a 22-yard field goal by Thomas Puckey.

[11:25] It's up.

[11:26] It's good, ladies and gentlemen.

[11:28] Then, halftime.

[11:31] And that was it.

[11:32] The final score, Toledo Rockets 31, Ball State 3.

[11:38] Yeah, this is a two-game losing streak.

[11:41] Now, this Saturday, they're playing Connecticut.

[11:43] They're playing the Huskies.

[11:44] That would be a good contest at Ball State.

[11:46] So, they'd be playing at beautiful Dave Letterman Stadium.

[11:48] There it is right there.

[11:53] Connecticut Huskies at Ball State.

[11:55] By the way, just to remind you, this is my 44th season hosting the Cardinals Football

[12:00] Highlight Show.

[12:01] Man, that's great.

[12:02] What a great record.

[12:03] Thank you very much.

[12:05] Go Cards!

[12:06] This has been the Ball State University Fighting Football Cardinals, Fighting Football Cardinals Highlights.

[12:11] The Ball State University, Fighting Football Cardinals Highlights have been brought to you by the most powerful man in show business, CBS president, Les Moonves.

[12:21] Oh, and hey, gals.

[12:22] He's a former actor.

[12:27] Oh, man.

[12:29] Les Moonves, the most powerful man in show business.

[12:33] Now, back to you, you giant sack of manure.

[12:37] Thank you very much.

[12:40] I can do this.

[12:41] I can do this just fine.

[12:42] Yes.

[12:42] That's no problem.

[12:43] Good.

[12:44] I can't do that.

[12:46] Where were you, by the way?

[12:47] Where were you?

[12:48] Did you step out?

[12:48] What was the problem?

[12:50] We had to add Alan's name to the card?

[12:52] And that took you like a half hour?

[12:57] This is exciting.

[12:58] Paul, tell them what we're going to do.

[12:59] This is a thing we do occasionally.

[13:00] We sometimes have a little success with it.

[13:02] We go out on the street with the camera crew.

[13:04] We shoot ordinary people out there.

[13:07] Then the band and I go into a studio, and we make up songs that kind of go with the footage that we shoot.

[13:12] That's right.

[13:12] Sort of have theme songs.

[13:14] We write theme songs for these ordinary people.

[13:16] Pedestrian theme songs.

[13:17] Yeah, pedestrian theme songs.

[13:18] All right.

[13:18] What can you tell us about the first guy?

[13:20] Here's the first one I'm going to show you.

[13:21] We wrote this, and we saw a guy near Central Park.

[13:23] Central Park.

[13:24] He seemed to be having a little bit of trouble.

[13:25] He's having a little bit of trouble.

[13:27] Okay.

[13:27] Here we go.

[13:28] Paul, the pedestrian theme song, the guy in Central Park.

[13:31] Take it away.

[13:38] Can't seem to get my arm control back.

[13:42] Gonna sue those bastards at your big track.

[13:47] Exactly.

[13:48] Sue those bastards at your big track.

[13:52] Want to hear another one?

[13:53] That was Will, wasn't it?

[13:55] Oh, a lot.

[13:55] Will and Bruce and a lot of us singing.

[13:58] It's kind of a Mitch Miller sing-along with Mitch sound.

[14:00] Very effective.

[14:01] Yeah, thank you.

[14:02] Here's the next one.

[14:03] What can you tell us about the next one?

[14:04] This one shows how fleeting fame can be.

[14:08] Fleeting fame.

[14:09] This is an object lesson.

[14:10] It shows you how fleeting fame can be.

[14:13] Yes, sir.

[14:13] Is that it?

[14:14] Yes, sir.

[14:14] Anything else we need to know about this?

[14:15] Roll the thing.

[14:16] Okay, here we go.

[14:17] Take a look.

[14:17] Fleeting fame.

[14:19] I'm all dressed up to be on TV.

[14:23] Finally the world will notice me unless the cameraman sees that hot chick on rollerblades.

[14:32] Fleeting fame.

[14:33] See that?

[14:34] It's an object lesson.

[14:37] All right.

[14:40] What do you have next, Paul?

[14:42] Well, this tells you how hard it is to find your perfect match in this wicked city.

[14:48] Oh, my God.

[14:49] It's impossible, isn't it?

[14:50] Yeah, it is.

[14:50] Because when you come to New York City, your first impression, it's cold, it's huge, it's heartless.

[14:54] Yeah.

[14:55] It's nearly impossible to find your perfect match in New York City.

[14:58] This next song addresses that theme.

[15:00] Thank you.

[15:01] Nicely put.

[15:02] Take a look.

[15:05] I'm searching the person I'll throw once again.

[15:11] No single white female seeking single yellow man.

[15:19] Very poignant.

[15:21] Very touching.

[15:22] Do you recognize the vocalist on that, of course?

[15:26] That was Will Lee as Michael Bolton.

[15:29] Very...

[15:32] All right.

[15:36] Now, when you shoot these, do you go out with the video crew and you see it and you write the song as you watch the guy?

[15:41] Or do you bring it back and take a look at it?

[15:43] It could be either way.

[15:44] Sometimes one, sometimes the other.

[15:46] You know, just the way the muse strikes us.

[15:48] When was the last time you actually went out with the video crew?

[15:50] Never really been out with the video crew.

[15:51] Yeah, I didn't think so.

[15:56] All right.

[15:56] Now, this next one is the note I have here.

[15:59] This is woman walking with bicycle.

[16:01] Is that correct, Paul?

[16:02] That's correct, yeah.

[16:02] Woman walking with bicycle.

[16:03] Yeah.

[16:03] And this is Felicia as Sarah Vaughn.

[16:06] And that's what you hear.

[16:07] All right.

[16:07] Woman walking with bicycle.

[16:09] I have a cool job as long as I last.

[16:14] Till the delivery service finds out I can't ride a ride.

[16:22] Very nice.

[16:32] You know what I have for the next one, Paul?

[16:33] Old man standing.

[16:36] Yeah, well, I don't want to give it too much away.

[16:38] Okay, that's why I stopped right there.

[16:39] Okay, old man standing, and you'll see the rest.

[16:41] And we thought that a kind of a late 70s Devo-esque sound would be appropriate for that.

[16:46] Well, sure.

[16:47] I can understand that.

[16:48] Okay.

[16:49] Roll it.

[16:56] Can't move too much starch.

[17:01] There you go.

[17:03] Can't move too much starch.

[17:05] That's right.

[17:06] Old man standing, yeah.

[17:10] Okay.

[17:11] Here's one which asks the obvious question.

[17:15] Okay.

[17:16] The obvious question.

[17:17] Yeah, roll it.

[17:18] Roll it.

[17:19] Who kept the sleeves on?

[17:33] And finally, one more.

[17:36] Okay.

[17:36] Best I can say about this one, it is an inspiring tale about never giving up.

[17:41] Never give up.

[17:42] Don't ever give up.

[17:43] Here we go.

[17:44] I'm going to keep on running as long as there's a chance of catching the fella that stole my pants.

[17:59] Stole my pants, ladies and gentlemen.

[18:01] Very nice.

[18:02] Thank you, Paul.

[18:03] Thank you, Will.

[18:04] Thank you, everybody in the band.

[18:07] And on the show, ladies and gentlemen, Bruce Willis and Charles Barkley, Arturo Sandoval, sitting in at the band.

[18:13] We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.

[18:15] Thank you, Will.

[18:20] Thank you.

[18:24] Double take is the funniest movie of the year.

[18:26] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[18:28] Yeah, I'm sure.

[18:29] Okay, so the year's only a couple of weeks old.

[18:32] Ooh.

[18:33] But still.

[18:33] What is up with your eyes?

[18:36] Eddie Griffin.

[18:37] Add black.

[18:37] That's all you gotta do.

[18:38] Orlando Jones.

[18:39] What is it, you job, turkey?

[18:41] All right, mama.

[18:42] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[18:43] The switch is on.

[18:46] It's the first time on a trip.

[18:47] Ah, it's the first time for everything.

[18:50] Trouble Tick with the PG-13 starts Friday, January 12th.

[18:54] Meet the all-new Aztec.

[18:56] Meet Sam and Kate.

[18:57] They're about to do something dirty.

[19:01] We're not lost.

[19:03] Mm-hmm.

[19:04] Told ya.

[19:05] Next day.

[19:06] Go camping.

[19:08] What's your move?

[19:08] Keep your fingers off my pieces.

[19:11] I'm not cheating.

[19:13] That's not right.

[19:15] Meet the 2001 Aztec.

[19:17] Quite possibly the most versatile vehicle on the planet.

[19:20] See for yourself with this exciting offer.

[19:22] By Pontiac.

[19:24] What did you have for dinner?

[19:26] Last night I had microwave popcorn and cold spaghetti.

[19:29] Oh, big deal.

[19:30] The other night I had a pint of mint chocolate chip.

[19:32] Oh, I had pizza that was older than me.

[19:35] I had herb-roasted chicken in a rich, creamy mushroom sauce.

[19:39] With roasted red-skinned potatoes and broccoli and red peppers.

[19:44] It was Lean Cuisine.

[19:47] Do something good for yourself with Stouffer's Lean Cuisine.

[19:50] It's not just lean, it's cuisine.

[20:01] Life has its little ups and downs.

[20:04] That's why VoiceStream gives you more time to call whenever you want.

[20:07] Okay, I'm on it.

[20:09] Keep talking, Austin.

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[20:15] Plus 2,000 minutes of free nationwide calling on weekends.

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[20:21] Darling, you're glowing.

[20:23] Sky in the elevator.

[20:25] So get VoiceStream and get more from life.

[20:27] Hello.

[20:30] He's failed again, Master.

[20:32] Well, don't just stand there.

[20:33] Bring me brain number 250.

[20:35] But, Master, why don't you try Red Bull?

[20:37] Huh?

[20:38] Red Bull?

[20:38] You just never listen.

[20:40] Red Bull's the energy drink that revitalizes the body.

[20:43] Look!

[20:44] What a beautiful body.

[20:45] Oh, son, we are going to be famous.

[20:48] But Red Bull also stimulates the mind farther.

[20:51] And I'm going off to be a thespian.

[20:53] You know, Shakespeare in the park and all that loveliness.

[20:56] Red Bull gives you wings.

[20:59] Red Bulls...

[21:03] Omusic

[21:04] Oійсь

[21:04] O

[21:04] .

[21:04] Thank you.

[21:43] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the big show.

[21:50] Our first guest is not merely a movie star or even a superstar.

[21:55] He is, ladies and gentlemen, a megastar.

[21:57] His latest motion picture, entitled Unbreakable, opens November 22nd.

[22:01] Here's the one, the only, Bruce Willis.

[22:33] Bruce, how are you going?

[22:35] Never better.

[22:36] Swell.

[22:37] You look great.

[22:38] I'm groovy.

[22:40] I've been busier than a one-eyed dog in a bug house in a smoke house.

[22:44] I'm sorry.

[22:44] What was that?

[22:45] Want to run that?

[22:46] Want to hear it again?

[22:47] Yeah, I'd like to hear it again.

[22:48] Well, I've got to tell you, Dave, I'm happier than a gopher in soft dirt to be here tonight.

[22:51] Oh, hey.

[22:53] You know, I'm always...

[22:57] I am dug in deeper than an Alabama blue chick, Dave.

[23:02] I've always thought of you as tough as a boot and quick as a hiccup.

[23:06] Thank you.

[23:07] And it's always good to see you.

[23:07] But let me explain one more thing, Dave.

[23:09] I am happier than a hucklebuck with a bumblebee on him.

[23:13] Really?

[23:15] You have any idea what that means?

[23:16] I have no idea what you're talking about.

[23:17] You must have been watching Dan Rather, election night.

[23:20] Glued to the TV.

[23:22] Now, I know you're a news junkie.

[23:26] You can't get enough of it.

[23:27] Exactly.

[23:27] What do you make of all of this nonsense?

[23:30] It's biblical in its confusion.

[23:33] Yes.

[23:36] I got a feeling when Moses was leading his people out of Africa.

[23:41] Was it Africa?

[23:42] Well, check that.

[23:45] Can we get a confirmation on that?

[23:50] It's a mess.

[23:51] It's a confusing mess.

[23:52] And frankly, on a serious note, I feel kind of bad for both those guys.

[23:56] Who's running?

[23:58] Who's Bush and Gore?

[23:59] Bush and Gore.

[23:59] I feel bad for both of them, doggone it.

[24:03] Because I know they've got to be nervous.

[24:06] Man, I'm just not clicking.

[24:07] What's the matter?

[24:08] Are you all right?

[24:08] I'm a little jumpy.

[24:09] Let's go to another topic.

[24:11] You just got back from you were in Milan?

[24:13] I was in Milan for a moment.

[24:14] What were you doing in Milan?

[24:15] I was over there doing some relief work.

[24:19] Good for you.

[24:20] That's admirable.

[24:21] Well, you know what that means?

[24:22] Well, no.

[24:23] Yes.

[24:23] What does that mean?

[24:25] Well, you know, it was all tied up at the bottom of the eighth over there.

[24:28] And we were playing the models.

[24:31] What?

[24:34] So they put the left-hander and they went to the big lefty.

[24:36] That was Fashion Week.

[24:37] Is that what it was?

[24:38] Was it?

[24:39] That's what I'm told.

[24:40] No, yeah.

[24:40] I think it was Fashion Week.

[24:41] And what does that mean?

[24:42] What happens here?

[24:43] Is that when the new lines, the new haute couture is presented?

[24:46] Is that what it is?

[24:47] It's a little mysterious to me.

[24:49] I still haven't quite figured it out.

[24:50] But as far as I can tell, a lot of great-looking broads try on clothes from all nations.

[25:00] Close as I can get it.

[25:02] Yeah.

[25:03] Sorry.

[25:03] And what do you do when you're there?

[25:06] Does everybody say, oh, look, there's Bruce Willis.

[25:07] I didn't realize you're so interested in fashion.

[25:09] What are they?

[25:09] Here's me and Milan.

[25:10] Yeah.

[25:12] Whoa!

[25:16] Now, if I wanted to, could I go to this?

[25:19] Yes.

[25:19] You know what?

[25:20] It's open to the public.

[25:21] There's always a seat with your name right there.

[25:23] Really?

[25:24] Where's Dave?

[25:27] And do you see other movie star types when you're there?

[25:30] You know, I just missed my pal George Clooney.

[25:33] And we have time later.

[25:34] I want to go to the celebrity bulletin board because I have a message for George.

[25:37] All right.

[25:38] If only if there's time.

[25:39] No, we'll leave some time.

[25:40] We'll leave some time for that.

[25:42] And you know who was here last night?

[25:44] Who was here?

[25:45] Samuel L. Jackson.

[25:47] Yeah, he's in the movie of The Unbreakable Thing.

[25:49] And he was talking about how the two of you got together for this film in a casino in Morocco.

[25:55] Casino in Morocco.

[25:56] Is that true?

[25:57] It was a casino slash church.

[25:59] Now, I don't know how this works.

[26:01] But apparently in Morocco, you can bet and take the novena at the same time.

[26:10] It's just a true story.

[26:13] No, I bumped into him in a casino in Marrakesh.

[26:17] And Sam was over there.

[26:18] What were you doing there?

[26:20] I was on my way to church.

[26:21] And I got stuck at the blackjack table in a little while.

[26:33] But, yeah, this whole election thing, this whole Chad's thing has got me a little bugged.

[26:38] What happened to the Samuel L. Jackson story?

[26:40] Oh, we're getting back.

[26:40] Okay, Samuel L.

[26:41] Well, he got the job.

[26:42] Right.

[26:42] He got the job.

[26:43] But he said that at first you didn't think it was him.

[26:45] I didn't think it was him.

[26:46] You thought it was a guy pretending to be him.

[26:47] You know what?

[26:48] Because you see people that, you know, there was a guy in New York years ago that used to run around acting like Rod Stewart.

[26:54] And I'm thinking, now, how bad is this?

[26:57] It's a true story.

[26:58] I said, how sad is this that in Marrakesh there's a guy that feels that he has to affect the Samuel L. Jackson look.

[27:07] You know, the tango on the back.

[27:08] Turned out to be Sam Jackson.

[27:10] He was a little embarrassed.

[27:13] You go up to him and you say, hey, we're talking to the guy, the director, the writer, we're talking about a film, and you're going to be in it, and let's call the guy.

[27:19] Is that what happened?

[27:20] That's pretty much what happened, yeah.

[27:21] Wow.

[27:21] That's like a once-in-a-lifetime deal, huh?

[27:23] Well, that's generally how most actors get work in Hollywood.

[27:26] No, it's not.

[27:27] They have, like, agents and stuff, and they go out and read, and that's how they get them.

[27:31] They do?

[27:32] Yeah.

[27:34] You mean all that time I spent in casinos has been for naught?

[27:37] Well, no.

[27:37] I mean, it's paid off.

[27:38] It's unorthodox.

[27:39] It seems to be working for you.

[27:41] It is unorthodox.

[27:42] Yeah.

[27:44] Are we done with the Samuel L. Jackson part?

[27:46] No, if you're done, I'm done.

[27:47] Sure.

[27:48] Yeah.

[27:49] We're happy to have Sam in Unbreakable.

[27:52] Disney's Unbreakable.

[27:56] You don't like working with the Disney people?

[27:58] Love them.

[27:58] No, happy to be with them.

[27:59] They just always ask me to mention Disney.

[28:02] Oh, I see.

[28:02] Disney is a little extra.

[28:05] Oh.

[28:06] Thank you.

[28:06] Thank you so much, folks.

[28:08] But they're not going to see it because it's Disney.

[28:10] No, no.

[28:10] They're going to see it because it's you.

[28:12] They're going to see the big boy.

[28:13] All right.

[28:14] Let's sit right there.

[28:15] Let's think about what's happened here.

[28:16] And then we'll come back and continue visiting with our friend Bruce Willis.

[28:19] Thank you.

[28:32] The Soviets are putting missiles into Cuba.

[28:34] Missiles only take five minutes to get in.

[28:35] On New Line Cinema.

[28:36] We're talking about possible nuclear war.

[28:39] Comes the story of the crisis.

[28:41] It's just going to cost lives anywhere we go.

[28:42] That pushed us to the edge of destruction.

[28:44] The damn candidates are going to destroy this country if we don't do something about this.

[28:48] And the men who pulled us back.

[28:50] They want a war and they're arranging things together.

[28:53] I am the commander-in-chief of the United States.

[28:55] And I say when we go to war.

[28:57] 13 days.

[28:58] Rated PG-13.

[29:00] Now it's Alexiator's wide January 12th.

[29:03] Don't let old man winter slow you down.

[29:06] Take Hall's Defense with vitamin C.

[29:08] It's a full-day supply of vitamin C.

[29:11] Hall's Defense.

[29:13] A powerful defense against winter.

[29:14] Get Hall's Defense and get going.

[29:17] Every month, college students eat 60 million slices of pizza.

[29:21] And they don't always have a toothbrush.

[29:23] Chew on this.

[29:24] Chewing Trident after meals can help prevent cavities from forming.

[29:28] Good breakfast.

[29:29] So when you can't brush, chew on this.

[29:31] Try that.

[29:43] Give it to me, baby.

[29:53] Just give it to me, baby.

[29:59] Give it to me, baby.

[30:02] What's he doing at that computer?

[30:04] Buying shares in IBM?

[30:05] No, betting on the 49ers.

[30:08] The Internet is a gambling casino Sunday.

[30:12] Zoom star Debbie Morgan and our celebrity panel uncover the real Duchess of Derriere.

[30:17] This is one of my favorite topics.

[30:19] It's not brain surgery, but it's close.

[30:22] You won't believe the next to tell the truth.

[30:24] Optin' up at 12.35 on CoinTV6.

[30:30] Zesty!

[30:42] Want Zesty?

[30:43] Try the new Zesty Fiesta Burrito only at Taco Bell.

[30:45] Rice, seasoned beef, topped with a Zesty Southwestern sauce, Fiesta salsa, and cheddar cheese.

[30:50] The new Zesty Fiesta Burrito, now just 99 cents.

[30:52] It's puppy dogs and humming.

[30:55] Not Zesty.

[30:58] It's the real deal.

[31:00] It's right in your face.

[31:01] It's like boo.

[31:02] It's not about steering you this way or that.

[31:05] It's not about blocking you from where you want to go.

[31:08] It's a two-way street, but not for them to get into you.

[31:11] I know it's not spam.

[31:12] I can't stand spam.

[31:14] Really?

[31:15] It kind of like transports you into a different world.

[31:19] Plus, you can play games on it.

[31:20] Games.

[31:21] Right there.

[31:22] You get on it, you get in there, and then it's just like, bam, right in your face.

[31:28] Last summer, you thought you saw it all.

[31:31] But wait, there's more.

[31:33] Scary Movie is back with unbelievable bonus footage.

[31:37] Too shocking to show you on TV.

[31:39] I'm trying to watch a movie in here.

[31:41] Scary Movie on VHS and DVD.

[32:05] Let's talk about the movie.

[32:08] It's called Unbreakable.

[32:09] Disney's Unbreakable.

[32:11] And what can you tell us?

[32:13] Give us a little insight about the film.

[32:15] Blockbuster.

[32:16] Wow.

[32:17] Blockbuster.

[32:18] Another one of my big hits.

[32:22] You only make blockbusters, don't you?

[32:24] It's contractual now.

[32:28] That must put a lot of pressure on a guy like you.

[32:30] No, no, no.

[32:30] This film is tracking well.

[32:33] Now, what does that mean, tracking well?

[32:34] Not a clue, Dave.

[32:35] I don't have a clue what that means.

[32:36] Fortunately, they've given me some visual aids here.

[32:40] This will just give you an idea of how well the picture's doing across the United States here.

[32:45] Yeah, right over there.

[32:47] You can see.

[32:52] Yeah.

[32:56] Now, this is, as you can see, this is all the red states here is where Unbreakable is predicted to open at number one.

[33:03] Wow.

[33:04] Yeah.

[33:05] Wow.

[33:06] What happened up here in, is that North Dakota?

[33:08] What happened up there?

[33:09] Is that North Dakota?

[33:11] Apparently, they don't have movie theaters in North Dakota.

[33:14] Or Alaska.

[33:15] I see the same problem.

[33:16] Alaska, same problem.

[33:17] They just got the snow and stuff up there.

[33:20] So, they got a lot of time on hand.

[33:22] Yeah, that's too bad.

[33:23] And then, is that New Mexico and Florida seem to be in yellow?

[33:25] New Mexico and Florida, there's some kind of Charlie's Angels recount.

[33:29] But, uh, we're considering we'll get that out of here.

[33:33] Anyway, uh, we have high hopes for the picture.

[33:40] Congratulations.

[33:40] I haven't seen you since you won your Emmy Awards for the Friends show.

[33:44] I did win an Emmy quite, quite unexpected.

[33:46] Yeah, congratulations.

[33:50] I really was, I was surprised.

[33:52] You don't do it.

[33:53] Now, you won an Emmy for the old show, Moonlighting.

[33:55] Moonlighting.

[33:56] Yeah.

[33:56] Yeah, Moonlighting.

[33:57] Thank you.

[34:01] Uh, worked with Sybil Shepard on that.

[34:02] Yeah, I know.

[34:03] I remember that.

[34:04] Well, yeah, I remember that.

[34:06] And why did you say that?

[34:07] Of course we remember that.

[34:08] It's a younger audience here today, you know.

[34:10] Oh, Sybil Shepard.

[34:10] Yeah, of course they do.

[34:13] She has a new TV show.

[34:14] Now, uh, it seems like whenever you show up on television, you win awards.

[34:17] Maybe, maybe you'll win an award for this year tonight.

[34:18] Is there a possibility I could, uh, get...

[34:20] Hey, didn't you win an Emmy?

[34:21] Hey, yeah, we did.

[34:22] Did you win an Emmy?

[34:23] Yeah, for the big heart attack show.

[34:26] And you also have an album, another album.

[34:29] Got another album out.

[34:29] Now, the first one, the first Bruno album, what was the name of that album?

[34:33] The Little Boy Who Couldn't Sing Too Good.

[34:35] Exactly.

[34:36] And it, it was, it was platinum.

[34:38] Platinum went, started out at platinum and then just kind of stayed at platinum.

[34:42] Well, that's pretty good, a good place to stay.

[34:44] Now, is platinum more valuable than gold?

[34:46] I think so.

[34:48] Paul?

[34:49] Platinum is, uh, more valuable than gold.

[34:51] It's better, right?

[34:52] Yeah, it's better than gold.

[34:52] Yeah, it's like twice as good.

[34:54] Sure.

[34:54] Twice as good.

[34:54] Yeah.

[34:55] And you have a new, you have a new album?

[34:57] Well, I'm working on it.

[34:58] I'm working on it.

[34:58] I'm trying to, we're actually trying to come up with the first song for it.

[35:02] It's been, uh...

[35:04] You have the other 11 or 12?

[35:05] I have the other 11 or 12, right up here, right up here.

[35:09] They should be.

[35:11] Wow.

[35:11] Yeah.

[35:12] And you'll be featured of, uh, vocals and also the harmonica?

[35:15] Playing on the harmonica and, uh, possibly, uh, doing some of the vocals.

[35:18] Yeah.

[35:19] And do you write any of these, uh, songs?

[35:20] Uh, no.

[35:22] I got, uh, I got...

[35:23] When are you going into the studio?

[35:26] Um, well, I have a studio at my house, so I kind of go there every night.

[35:29] Right.

[35:30] But, uh...

[35:30] Are you laying down some tracks?

[35:32] I'm laying down some tracks, laying down some hot wax.

[35:34] You know.

[35:37] Well, that's great.

[35:38] It's like saying hot wax.

[35:39] Yeah.

[35:39] I mentioned me in the liner notes.

[35:41] Do you mind?

[35:41] Okay, good.

[35:42] Would it kill you?

[35:42] Could I dedicate the album to you?

[35:43] Oh, my God.

[35:44] I've died and gone to heaven.

[35:45] Can you?

[35:47] I'm going to check with Disney.

[35:50] Disney has nothing to do with this.

[35:52] Disney's...

[35:53] The album.

[35:56] Let's, uh...

[35:57] Let's show people a clip of this movie.

[35:59] This is a very interesting concept for a film.

[36:02] You and Samuel Jackson, molecularly, are polar opposites.

[36:06] Is that right?

[36:06] That's correct.

[36:06] Yeah.

[36:07] And explain more what that means.

[36:08] Fill in the blanks there.

[36:09] Well, a molecule is...

[36:11] No, no, no, no, no.

[36:12] Okay.

[36:13] Uh, well, Samuel Jackson is, is, is, uh, he, he, um...

[36:17] Did he tell you what he wears in the, in the movie?

[36:19] Well, we saw his hair.

[36:20] He had kind of a thing going with his hair.

[36:22] Uh, Don King, kind of, Don D, remember Don D?

[36:24] Yeah.

[36:25] Don D looked on up.

[36:29] Banner remembers Don D.

[36:30] Yeah.

[36:31] Uh, no, uh, I, I play a security guard who, uh, gets in a horrific train wreck and I am

[36:36] the only, I'm the sole survivor.

[36:37] Yeah.

[36:37] So people are beginning to think, wow, well, maybe there's a reason you are the survivor.

[36:41] Maybe something's going on.

[36:42] Yeah, something might be going on molecularly.

[36:44] On a, on a molecular level.

[36:45] Yeah, right.

[36:46] Uh, and, and, uh, and that's pretty much, oh, and, and Robin Wright pens in it.

[36:51] She plays my wife.

[36:52] Uh, we're, we're having, you know, it's, uh...

[36:53] This has a surprise ending.

[36:55] Surprise ending.

[36:56] Uh, want to know what it is?

[36:57] Yeah.

[37:00] Yeah, let's hear it.

[37:03] I saved the world from destruction.

[37:05] Whoa!

[37:07] That's seven bucks worth right there.

[37:10] Don't tell a soul.

[37:12] Don't tell anyone.

[37:14] And, and do you want to show the clip here?

[37:16] Do you know what we're going to see?

[37:17] Let's go to the big clip.

[37:18] I, I think this is the scene between Robin Wright, Penn, and myself.

[37:20] And, uh, this is, I begin to question the fact, uh, of just how unbreakable I possibly am.

[37:27] Now, in your character, have you questioned this before, the train wreck?

[37:30] No, it's after the train wreck, really.

[37:32] After I survived.

[37:33] I've never had a cold.

[37:34] I've never had a bruise.

[37:35] I've never had anything.

[37:36] Uh, never been in a train wreck and walked away.

[37:38] Right.

[37:39] Uh, but, yeah.

[37:42] All right, here, take a look.

[37:43] Here we go.

[37:44] A couple of seconds of Disney's Unbreakable.

[37:48] Do you remember me getting sick?

[37:54] Um, not a specific day.

[37:59] I, what, what's this about?

[38:03] Audrey, do you remember me ever getting sick?

[38:07] In the three years we lived in this house?

[38:10] In the old apartment?

[38:12] Before Joseph was born?

[38:14] Before we ever got married?

[38:19] I, I can't remember.

[38:21] All right.

[38:23] Don't you think that's kind of weird?

[38:25] Not remembering one cold, or a fever, or a sore throat?

[38:32] What do you think it means?

[38:42] Let's go back to that.

[38:43] Go back to that.

[38:45] You, my friend, look at this.

[38:47] You have a movie star profile.

[38:49] Take a look at this.

[38:50] Go back to that.

[38:51] Look at this.

[38:51] Get in there close, real tight on his ear.

[38:53] Look at this profile.

[38:54] Is this a movie star, or what, ladies and gentlemen?

[38:57] Take a look at that profile.

[39:00] You can just get right in on him.

[39:03] Yeah, look at that.

[39:04] That's it.

[39:05] Holy moly.

[39:08] Bruce, it's always a great pleasure to see you.

[39:10] November 22nd, this is perfect now for the holidays.

[39:13] Kicks off the holiday season.

[39:14] Good luck to you.

[39:15] I hope it is a blockbuster.

[39:17] And take care of yourself, my friend.

[39:18] God bless you.

[39:19] Bruce Willis, ladies and gentlemen.

[39:21] We'll be right back.

[39:22] That's a nice jacket.

[39:36] It's been said, you can put a man on the moon, but you can't do anything about the common cold.

[39:41] Well, here's another giant leap for mankind.

[39:44] Zycam.

[39:45] In initial studies, Zycam reduced the duration of the common cold by an average of 71%.

[39:51] So get hold of some, because it can actually help you shorten your cold.

[39:57] Get Zycam, and get well sooner.

[40:02] With Kodak Picture Maker, I can blow this up to an 8x10.

[40:07] Wow, that's great.

[40:10] Crop in a little here.

[40:12] Red eye out.

[40:14] What a cute couple.

[40:16] I like this guy.

[40:18] Oh, it's him.

[40:20] We both made the same picture?

[40:23] With Kodak Picture Maker, you can make great pictures even better in just five minutes.

[40:27] No negatives or experience necessary.

[40:29] Call for the Kodak Picture Maker nearest you.

[40:31] Boy, I sure miss playing.

[40:33] Yeah, me too.

[40:34] Hey, guys, you can still get to the Super Bowl.

[40:36] How?

[40:40] Just collect game cards, especially marked bags of Frito-Lay snacks.

[40:43] You match a play on the card with a play in the Super Bowl,

[40:45] and you can win one of millions of prizes, like Super Bowl tickets for life.

[40:48] The AFC just kicked a field goal.

[40:50] All right, I want a hat.

[40:52] Hey, I want a strip bowl to take a five.

[40:56] The hats are good.

[40:58] Play Frito-Lays, find the winning plays game.

[41:03] A little to the left.

[41:04] Can you see it?

[41:05] I think there's a 715 at the 12-plex.

[41:09] Need a better way to get movie showtimes?

[41:11] Hollywood.com.

[41:13] No one's got an easier way to help you find the right theater in your neighborhood.

[41:16] Search by movie, zip code, or theater name.

[41:19] Plus, we've got reviews, previews, interviews, and more.

[41:22] Or it's a 1215 at the 7-plex.

[41:26] Save your eyes for the movie.

[41:28] Hollywood.com.

[41:29] Isn't it time you went Hollywood?

[41:31] At the People's Choice Awards, your book counts.

[41:34] Join your favorite stars to find out who will take home the ultimate prize.

[41:37] I want to thank the people.

[41:38] The People's Choice, CBS Sunday.

[41:41] You remember Jared from Subway?

[41:44] Turns out, he's inspired a lot of people.

[41:46] It's still looking good.

[41:49] He'll show you the way.

[41:51] His name is Jared, and he'll lead you to Subway.

[41:57] That's where it goes, along with the rest.

[42:02] For seven sandwiches, six grams of batter less.

[42:06] What an inspiration.

[42:08] Subway, eat fresh.

[42:11] Eight years ago, we got a homicide.

[42:13] Same M.O., same victim profile.

[42:16] Who did this?

[42:17] We intend to find out.

[42:19] Do you promise me that you will?

[42:21] Detective Jerry Black made a promise he can't break.

[42:25] You could expect another incident.

[42:27] To catch a killer he can't find.

[42:29] I made a promise.

[42:30] Jack Nicholson.

[42:31] You gotta get a hold of yourself.

[42:33] The Sean Penn Phil.

[42:34] This guy is real, and I know it.

[42:36] Die!

[42:37] The Pledge, rated R, starts Friday, January 19th.

[42:47] You need to monitor your investments.

[42:50] But you don't need a computer monitor to do it.

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[43:06] The only way to get access to the wireless Internet without using any of your calling plan minutes.

[43:34] Before the program, our announcer, Alan Coulter, came up to me and he said,

[43:39] Dave, if we have a minute in tonight's show, I have a little message that I would like to say,

[43:45] a little announcement I would like to make.

[43:46] And we have some time now because we forgot to do Bruce's community celebrity billboard.

[43:52] So we have some time.

[43:53] Alan, are you ready with your little announcement?

[43:55] Yes, I am, Dave.

[43:55] All right, ladies and gentlemen, our announcer, Alan Coulter.

[43:58] Alan, take it away.

[43:59] Thank you.

[44:01] I just wanted to congratulate Hillary Clinton on last week's landslide victory in the New York Senate race.

[44:10] And on behalf of all of us, welcome her once and for all to the Empire State.

[44:14] Yeah.

[44:20] Now that we're going to be neighbors, Hill, I imagine we'll be seeing a lot of each other.

[44:27] So if you happen to pass Casa Coulter and catch a glimpse of Big Red in the middle of a workout,

[44:33] the glistening sweat clinging to my hard-sculptive physique,

[44:38] don't be afraid to knock.

[44:39] We'll cool off in the lagoon,

[44:41] the underwater floodlights rippling over our nakedness.

[44:46] You want to talk about health care?

[44:49] Shh.

[44:52] I begin to nibble your shoulder

[44:54] and then bite.

[44:58] Is it pleasure or is it pain?

[45:02] Oh, my darling Madam Senator,

[45:04] it's simply too close to call.

[45:08] Thank you, Dave.

[45:17] Thanks, Alan.

[45:18] We'll be right back with Charles Berkley, ladies and gentlemen.

[45:30] At Michelin, we know there's only one safety feature on the road that actually touches the road.

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[45:59] Wait for impact!

[46:01] Castaway is the number one movie in America.

[46:04] Simply amazing.

[46:05] Tom Hanks.

[46:06] Hold on!

[46:07] In an extraordinary, riveting adventure.

[46:10] Castaway.

[46:10] Directed by Robert Zemeckis.

[46:12] Rated PG-13.

[46:13] Now playing.

[46:14] Hot showers, shaving, cold weather cause not just dry skin, but dry, itchy skin.

[46:19] Only Neutrogena Soothing Relief Moisturizer has three medicated ingredients to bring both instant and lasting relief.

[46:26] Neutrogena Soothing Relief Moisturizer.

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[46:28] Good night on your late, late show.

[46:30] Our good friend from the King of Queens, the King of Queens himself, Mr. Kevin James, from Dracula 2000, Vitamin C, and the music of Collective Soul.

[46:39] Now, meet the new castaways of Survivor.

[46:42] I am Amber, a college graduate.

[46:44] I am Roger, a farmer.

[46:47] I am Alicia, a personal trainer.

[46:51] I am Colby, a custom truck builder.

[46:53] Who will be the ultimate Survivor?

[46:55] Catch the premiere right after the Super Bowl on CBS.

[47:10] Give it to me, baby.

[47:23] Just give it to me, baby.

[47:26] Give it to me, baby.

[47:29] You wouldn't believe the sales.

[47:32] I hope you didn't put all those in the credit card.

[47:34] Yeah, why?

[47:36] Those interest charges are really funny, caddis.

[47:39] Don't worry.

[47:40] I used our new Capital One card.

[47:42] It's interest-free.

[47:47] To the neighbors!

[47:49] If you had a new Capital One card, all your purchases would be interest-free until July 2001.

[47:54] We've got to tell Marlott and Carol about Capital One.

[47:57] What's in your wallet?

[48:05] You're holding my wife!

[48:07] Don't miss Walker, Texas Ranger.

[48:10] Then, a serial killer has been on the loose for years.

[48:13] Besser dubbed him the D.C. Strangler.

[48:15] Until Mannion takes the case.

[48:17] Let's find this guy.

[48:17] The District Hall news, CBS Saturday.

[48:45] Bolt the door, if you're coming in.

[48:47] Audiences across America are discovering the year's most extraordinary movie.

[48:52] Yes!

[48:52] On January 12th.

[48:54] Find Sean Connery's greatest performance ever.

[48:57] Find the year's most remarkable and triumphant friendship.

[49:02] Women will sleep with you if you write a book.

[49:03] Women will sleep with you if you write a bad book.

[49:05] And find out for yourself what everyone is talking about.

[49:09] You're the man now, dawg!

[49:10] Finding Forrester.

[49:12] Rated PG-13.

[49:13] Opens why January 12th.

[49:16] Yes?

[49:17] I'm here for your DLJ Direct upgrade.

[49:19] Upgrade?

[49:20] Where's your computer, please?

[49:21] That's over there.

[49:21] You see, DLJ Direct is tapping into the strength of Credit Suisse First Boston to form CSFB Direct.

[49:27] Now you can invest online with more award-winning research, more global resources, and more IPOs.

[49:32] Impressive.

[49:33] Will this take long?

[49:34] Not at all.

[49:37] Enjoy the power, sir.

[49:41] Introducing CSFB Direct.

[49:43] Coming online January 15th.

[49:45] I've lost 107 pounds over 18 months.

[49:47] I went from a size 24 to a size 910.

[49:50] I lost 85 pounds.

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[49:54] With moderate exercise and a sensible diet, Metabolife 356 can help you meet your weight management goals.

[50:00] The Victoria's Secret semi-annual sale is on now.

[50:03] With bras starting at $9.99, panties at $2.99.

[50:07] You'll find dramatic savings on sleepwear, hosiery, even beauty products.

[50:11] Hurry in for great savings at Victoria's Secret semi-annual sale.

[50:14] To me, a headache is like this little thief trying to rob me of time I need to get things done.

[50:23] So I take Excedrin.

[50:24] It has two pain relievers plus this enhancing ingredient, so it kind of gangs up on my headache.

[50:32] No wonder it works better than Tylenol.

[50:34] Excedrin takes care of the little thief.

[50:37] And I take care of everything else.

[50:42] Excedrin.

[50:42] The headache medicine.

[50:46] Did you ever see that movie, You've Got Mail?

[50:50] Where this guy and girl fall in love emailing each other a bunch of times?

[50:56] Anyway, they finally meet face to face.

[50:58] And there's this big romantic kiss.

[51:01] Do you know the movie I'm talking about?

[51:04] Did you ever see that one?

[51:06] Well, this guy didn't.

[51:09] Ford F-Series Super Duty.

[51:12] Built Ford tough.

[51:15] The Dolphins and their imposing defense collide with Pro Bowl quarterback Rich Cannon and Oakland's striking offense.

[51:20] A rough and rocket AFC playoff game, Saturday on CBS.

[51:25] Lydia's trying to connect with her mom.

[51:27] We'll go to the movie.

[51:27] What is your problem?

[51:29] Good luck.

[51:30] Now how are we going to bond?

[51:31] Over grandchildren?

[51:32] All new That's Live, CBS Saturday.

[51:39] We need to take down one of these cartels.

[51:42] Two big thumbs up for the powerful epic Traffic.

[51:45] Nominated for five Golden Globe Awards, including Best Director and Best Picture of the Year.

[51:50] Traffic.

[51:51] Rated R.

[51:51] Now playing everywhere.

[51:54] Coin6 News and Coin.com are teaming up with the Portland Police Bureau to track criminal activity right down to your own block.

[52:01] I'll be going one-on-one with Coin6 News to explain the trends and show you how we're using them to protect your family.

[52:07] Prime Trackers.

[52:07] Only on Coin6 News.

[52:22] Very nice.

[52:24] Lovely.

[52:26] Our next guest is a two-time Olympic gold medalist and 11-time NBA All-Star and a former league MVP.

[52:32] Here he is, one of the greats to ever play the game of basketball, Charles Barkley.

[52:53] It's been a long time.

[52:55] It has been a long time.

[52:57] Nice to see you again.

[52:57] Let's just recap last year for the folks.

[52:59] You announced it was going to be the end.

[53:01] You're going to retire.

[53:02] Yep.

[53:02] And then you had a, was it a knee injury?

[53:04] Yep.

[53:04] I couldn't play anymore.

[53:05] That's why I retired.

[53:06] Yeah.

[53:06] The knee was just something that happened.

[53:09] Hey, let me tell you something, Dave.

[53:12] Seriously, I want y'all to know something.

[53:13] I bought all these different suits and all these different outfits up here in New York.

[53:18] I said, I got to look good on day's show.

[53:20] Well, thank you.

[53:21] I appreciate that.

[53:21] Then I go back and see Bruce.

[53:25] What can you do?

[53:26] Bruce is a big, big movie star.

[53:27] Hey, man.

[53:29] I could have just threw on some blue jeans.

[53:33] But you came back, you rehabbed your knee, and you came back, and you played in the last game.

[53:37] I thought that was a nice gesture, not only for you, but for the fans.

[53:40] Well, it was important for me because basketball has been tremendous to me,

[53:44] and I wanted to leave the court under my own strength, and it worked out great.

[53:47] Good for you.

[53:47] Now, as you see the season now unfolding, like here in New York City, Patrick Ewing is gone after being here forever.

[53:57] They're playing the Sonics tonight.

[53:58] Yeah, I hope he kills the Knicks tonight.

[54:01] They treated him bad, Dave.

[54:02] That's not a good thing to do?

[54:03] They treated him bad.

[54:05] No, I hope Patrick kills them tonight.

[54:09] And who do you like as the possible contender for the championship other than the Lakers?

[54:14] Well, the Lakers obviously got the best team.

[54:16] The only team that can beat them is San Antonio.

[54:18] Your Pacers can't beat them.

[54:22] But I picked them to win the East.

[54:24] Now, what about Larry Bird?

[54:25] I thought that was a pretty good deal, and then he coached three years.

[54:28] He said, I'm going to coach three, and that'll be it for me, and he did.

[54:30] And now you've got your old buddy from Detroit.

[54:33] Yeah, Isaiah?

[54:34] Yeah, yeah.

[54:34] Well, I don't think Larry likes being in the limelight.

[54:37] Larry's a terrific, obviously was a great player.

[54:39] He's a good guy.

[54:40] But everybody don't want to be famous all the time.

[54:42] Right.

[54:43] And I just think he got tired of it.

[54:44] He was a pretty good coach.

[54:45] Didn't you think he was a good coach?

[54:46] I thought he was a really good coach.

[54:47] He'd always have to have good players, though.

[54:52] And what about your old team, the 76ers?

[54:56] They're undefeated, aren't they?

[54:57] They are.

[54:58] They're playing well.

[54:59] Allen Iverson's playing terrific, isn't he?

[55:01] Yeah.

[55:01] I'll give him a crock.

[55:04] He's doing really well.

[55:06] Now, he's always in a little bit of trouble, though, isn't he?

[55:09] He had like a CD.

[55:10] Been there and did that.

[55:13] The CD just...

[55:15] What was that?

[55:17] I think most rap music just sucks, anyway.

[55:23] It does.

[55:28] He's a terrific player, but I think most rap music sucks.

[55:31] It's just a lot of noise.

[55:33] But he got in, and he said he would change some of it.

[55:35] Like David Stern called him in, had a little chat with him.

[55:38] Is that what happened?

[55:38] You know, I don't care how powerful you are, David Stern is the man.

[55:41] Yeah, yeah.

[55:42] He's like the best.

[55:44] He's the premier guard in the league now, isn't he?

[55:47] Is he the premier guard?

[55:49] Gary Payton, I think, is probably the best guard in the league.

[55:51] And maybe Kobe Bryant, that is a close third.

[55:53] Yeah, yeah.

[55:54] Speaking of the Lakers, what about your buddy Shaq?

[55:56] He's shooting like 33% from the free throw line now.

[55:59] What is that all about?

[56:01] What's the problem?

[56:01] He's not even trying, is he?

[56:02] He's trying.

[56:03] You know, he's getting worse.

[56:04] That's the only thing that scares me.

[56:07] Hey, listen, I feel bad.

[56:10] He is the greatest kid.

[56:11] He's the best player in the world.

[56:13] But I know his percentage is going down.

[56:15] I can't believe it.

[56:16] I think he just doesn't care about free throws.

[56:19] He's so big, and he dominates the rest of the game.

[56:21] He just don't care.

[56:22] Man, he's struggling.

[56:24] Get him out of the break, Dave.

[56:26] But how hard can it be, honestly, I mean, to do it?

[56:30] What was your career percentage?

[56:34] Around 70%.

[56:35] See, that's pretty good.

[56:36] Dave, I'll tell you what.

[56:37] How many free throws can you make out of 10?

[56:40] Well, I'd have to get in shape.

[56:44] I'd have to get in shape.

[56:45] And I bet you I could hit 5 out of 10.

[56:49] That's what Shaq's shooting.

[56:50] No, no, he ain't shooting 5 out of 10.

[56:52] 33% is what he's shooting.

[56:55] He's hitting like 3 out of 10.

[56:57] He'll be at 50% before the end of the season.

[56:59] He'll be there.

[57:00] Didn't you guys have a fight last year?

[57:03] Yeah, we did.

[57:03] What was that all about?

[57:04] Well, he threw a punch at me.

[57:06] Ah.

[57:08] And people ask me what was I thinking.

[57:10] I was thinking, please hold on.

[57:12] Please hold on.

[57:13] You notice I was just holding on.

[57:15] Because if he had got loose, he probably would have killed me.

[57:17] Really?

[57:17] Yeah.

[57:18] Well, now, what had you done to the guy?

[57:20] Because when he's here, he seems very gentle.

[57:22] Well, you know, it was just up front.

[57:24] I had to defend myself in front of my fans.

[57:26] He pushed me, and I threw the ball at him.

[57:28] And then he threw a punch at me, so I just had to grab him to hold on.

[57:32] See, that's one thing about NBA players.

[57:35] It's only going to be a couple blows.

[57:37] I knew as long as I grabbed, they were going to break it up, and I was saved.

[57:42] It's not going to be there long.

[57:49] What about that Bobby Knight deal getting booted down there at IU?

[57:52] It was great, wasn't it?

[57:54] It was great.

[57:56] It's about time.

[57:58] It was about time.

[58:00] I'll bet you there was a time when coaches would grab you and stuff like that.

[58:03] It's just part of coaching, isn't it?

[58:04] You know what?

[58:05] I like Bobby Knight, and I respect him, but he just went overboard now.

[58:08] I don't have a head in the coach grab me.

[58:10] You know Bobby Knight, you know he just grabbed them little guys.

[58:12] He ain't never grabbed no big guys.

[58:13] Yeah, probably so.

[58:14] And this wasn't even a player we're talking about.

[58:17] I know.

[58:17] They'll let you know he's nuts.

[58:19] You know?

[58:21] It's hard to grab a player, but now he's grabbing regular students.

[58:34] Tell folks how you're going to spend this season.

[58:36] You've got a pretty good gig for yourself, don't you?

[58:37] You know what?

[58:38] I've always had a great life.

[58:39] I want to hear about it.

[58:40] I've always had an unbelievable life, but I've got the greatest scam going in the world today.

[58:45] I work two days a week on TNT, and that's it.

[58:49] That's it.

[58:51] I work in the studio on Wednesday and Thursday.

[58:53] Y'all make sure.

[58:54] Don't worry about Tuesday night.

[58:56] But Wednesday and Thursday on TNT, I'm in the studio with Ernie and Kenny, and I play golf seven days a week now.

[59:03] Wow.

[59:03] Good for you.

[59:04] And they pay me.

[59:05] This is a wraparound.

[59:11] Good gig.

[59:14] Sweet.

[59:14] La Dolce Vita, my friend.

[59:16] Good to see you again.

[59:17] Hey, thank you.

[59:18] So it begins now?

[59:19] It just started a couple weeks ago.

[59:21] Have a great season.

[59:22] I think y'all look forward to it.

[59:24] Come back and see us again.

[59:24] Charles Barkley, ladies and gentlemen.

[59:26] We'll be back.

[59:34] Quills has received two Golden Globe nominations.

[59:37] It's the work of the Marquis de Sade.

[59:39] Including Best Actor, Geoffrey Rush.

[59:41] It's probably what it is.

[59:42] Fiendish, sir.

[59:43] Rush is scandalously good.

[59:45] Master Shark.

[59:46] And Best Original Screenplay.

[59:48] My writing lose!

[59:50] The New York Times calls Quills liberating, literate, and erotic.

[59:54] The National Board of Review names Quills the best film of the year.

[59:58] Do you mean to take us all down with the...

[60:01] Quills, rated R.

[60:02] Now playing only in theaters.

[60:05] Libby's Juicy Juice presents Arthur Live!

[60:07] And I sing, hey!

[60:09] Hey!

[60:09] What a wonderful kind of day!

[60:12] Hey, Mom and Dad!

[60:13] Arthur's coming to town!

[60:14] You've seen him on TV.

[60:15] Now, see him and all his friends live on stage!

[60:18] His brand new show, Arthur Alive Adventure, makes learning fun!

[60:22] It's Arthur like you've never seen him before!

[60:25] January 10th through 14th at the Rose Garden Theater of the Cloud.

[60:28] Get tickets now at the box office, all Ticketmaster locations, or charge by phone.

[60:32] We love Arthur!

[60:35] Warehouse shopping means you save money.

[60:38] The same furniture and mattresses found in other furniture and department stores, but at low warehouse prices.

[60:45] United Furniture Warehouse.

[60:50] 3, 2, 1, go!

[60:54] Hold everything!

[60:55] Sleep Country's huge year-end clearance sale is going on now!

[60:59] Save on selected 2000 ceiling, Simmons, Spring Air, and Pacific mattresses.

[61:04] The biggest difference between the 2000 and 2001 models is the fabric, and the money you save, but only for a limited time.

[61:12] Happy New Year!

[61:13] Man, that year-end sale is bigger than I thought.

[61:17] Buy my mattress anywhere else!

[61:29] So, what are you doing this weekend?

[61:33] Wouldn't you rather spend a test driving a totally liberating Volkswagen?

[61:37] Great deals are available on Golfs, Jettas, and New Beetles.

[61:41] These deals won't be around long, so you better hurry down to your local dealer.

[61:46] Like you need an excuse.

[61:51] The promise.

[61:53] Brand name furniture and mattresses for every room in your home at major savings.

[61:59] That is the promise.

[62:02] United Furniture Warehouse.

[62:09] Zesty!

[62:21] Want zesty?

[62:22] Try the new Zesty Fiesta Burrito, only at Taco Bell.

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[62:29] The new Zesty Fiesta Burrito, now just 99 cents.

[62:32] Puppy dogs and hummingbirds.

[62:34] Not zesty.

[62:35] It's cold outside, but when harm's old flame drops by,

[62:39] I'm not involved with Mac.

[62:40] Jag heats up.

[62:41] There's something going on between you two.

[62:43] You have a big mouth.

[62:44] All new Jag, CBS Tuesday.

[62:57] Okay, thank you very much.

[62:58] My thanks to Arturo Sandoval.