The Late Show with David Letterman (CBS) - 1999-11-25

Channel: malgent

Transcript

Language: English (original, YouTube automatic captions)

[0:00] Mark Hendricks, [music] only on Coin 6

[0:02] News. People you know.

[0:05] The Andrews and James Garner [music]

[0:06] star in One Special Night, CBS Sunday.

[0:10] >> Brad New York,

[0:12] site of the first

[0:14] Thanksgiving. It's the Late Show with

[0:16] David Letterman.

[0:19] >> [cheering]

[0:20] >> Tonight,

[0:21] Dave's mom,

[0:23] George Carlin,

[0:26] and Jewel.

[0:28] >> [cheering]

[0:29] >> Plus, Paul Shaffer

[0:32] and the CBS Orchestra.

[0:36] >> [screaming]

[0:36] >> And now,

[0:38] Thunderball employee of the month,

[0:41] David

[0:45] Letterman.

[0:52] >> [music]

[1:13] >> There they go.

[1:16] How do you do?

[1:18] All right, let me go.

[1:23] >> [applause]

[1:23] >> Thank you.

[1:25] Happy Thanksgiving.

[1:27] Ah.

[1:32] All right, okay. Okay, happy

[1:34] Thanksgiving. You've all seen the

[1:36] Spider-Man balloon. Now, get the hell

[1:37] out of here.

[1:41] Boy,

[1:42] bad news, you know, the parade goes

[1:44] right by the theater here. Bad news, Al

[1:46] Roker this morning, the Thanksgiving

[1:49] parade broke free from its tethers,

[1:53] broke loose, and killed a family of five

[1:55] from Minnesota.

[1:56] >> Awful. Awful.

[2:06] >> I think the highlight for me of the

[2:08] parade was when uh New York Knicks

[2:09] Latrell Sprewell went by on his float

[2:13] screaming obscenities at the kids. I

[2:15] thought, yeah, that's pretty good.

[2:18] Why not?

[2:22] >> [applause]

[2:24] >> I think, you know, if you think about

[2:26] this for a minute, if you uh look deep

[2:27] inside, we all have a lot to be thankful

[2:29] for. You know, I think right now we

[2:31] should all be thankful that we're not

[2:32] waiting in line for that lousy

[2:34] Schwarzenegger movie.

[2:37] You know?

[2:38] I'm sure when it's

[2:43] >> [applause]

[2:45] >> Ladies and gentlemen, you're looking at

[2:46] a beaten man.

[2:49] Every Thanksgiving we have the big uh

[2:51] Letterman Thanksgiving uh dinner at my

[2:52] house, and I wish I had better news for

[2:54] you, but once again, it was a nightmare.

[2:58] Listen to this. A fist fight breaks out.

[3:02] During grace. Wow. Honest to god.

[3:06] What are you going to do?

[3:12] So,

[3:13] >> [applause]

[3:14] >> I don't know, at some point we run out

[3:15] of Coca-Cola, you know, so my uncle

[3:18] my uncle the rest of the day he's

[3:19] drinking rum and gravy. Whoa.

[3:24] That rum and gravy.

[3:31] And you're like me, you're sitting

[3:32] around the house there at Thanksgiving,

[3:33] you got all your relatives, and you're

[3:35] saying to yourself as you look around

[3:36] the table, you're saying to yourself,

[3:38] oh man, was I was I switched at birth?

[3:44] Please, Lord, was I?

[3:52] And I you know, I like to cook and boy I

[3:54] got a little

[3:55] holiday tip for you when you're cooking

[3:57] the turkey because the turkey contains

[3:59] the What do they call it, Paul?

[4:00] >> Something about tryptophan.

[4:02] >> That's right. Tryptophan.

[4:03] >> What is it? Tryptophan?

[4:04] >> Tryptophan.

[4:04] >> Tryptophan? Tryptophan?

[4:05] >> Something like that.

[4:06] >> Yeah. And you know what? It makes you uh

[4:07] drowsy.

[4:09] >> Yeah.

[4:19] >> Don't worry about me, ladies and

[4:21] gentlemen. I'm right where I need to be.

[4:22] >> Aw.

[4:27] >> [applause]

[4:32] >> So, because the uh the turkey makes you

[4:34] drowsy, well, the night before when

[4:36] you're making the the stuffing, you

[4:37] know,

[4:38] here's what I do is as as I'm mixing up

[4:40] the stuffing, I'll add like a tablespoon

[4:43] or maybe a tablespoon and a half of

[4:45] crack.

[4:46] >> Aw.

[4:46] >> I just mix it right in there.

[4:48] Fine. Everything's great.

[4:51] A lovely

[4:54] something.

[4:55] You're ready to go?

[4:56] >> Let's go.

[4:57] >> Here's my friend Paul Shaffer, ladies

[4:58] and gentlemen.

[5:01] >> [music]

[5:05] [music]

[5:13] [music]

[5:24] >> First of all, um

[5:26] every year we do a show on Thanksgiving

[5:29] and the the crew and the staff of the

[5:30] Late Show nice enough, unselfish enough

[5:33] to come in and spend their Thanksgiving

[5:35] holiday with us doing the show. Once

[5:37] again, as always, ladies and gentlemen,

[5:38] I can't thank you enough for your

[5:40] dedication, your dedification.

[5:45] >> We're not worried about you.

[5:48] >> You got a vacation.

[5:51] >> [applause]

[5:52] >> You people are so ded- dedicated.

[5:59] But it's it's you know, I mean if you

[6:00] got to work on a holiday, this ain't the

[6:02] worst place you could be, is it?

[6:04] All right, here take a look. This is

[6:05] everybody having the big Thanksgiving

[6:06] holiday lunch. We have the big lunch.

[6:08] Everybody comes down, lines up, and we

[6:10] have put on the We got everything.

[6:11] They're carving up one of the turkeys.

[6:13] It's nice here, you know. What would be

[6:15] nice with this is a little music, Paul.

[6:16] Little holiday music.

[6:18] There's Sydney Burnett and Steven

[6:20] [music] Peterson. Look at making her

[6:21] dizzy. Look at this. This is what goes

[6:23] on. This is an unsupervised daycare

[6:25] center is what this

[6:27] That's exactly how I feel right going.

[6:31] And there's the turkey piñata.

[6:35] We only had one or two cases of food

[6:36] poisoning.

[6:38] Everybody seems to be okay. They'll walk

[6:40] it off. And then of course, the end of

[6:41] the lunch I put in an appearance. There

[6:43] I am.

[6:45] That's the big

[6:47] >> [music]

[6:49] >> Thank you for your ded- dedication.

[6:54] A little bit later on the show we'll be

[6:55] going to Indianapolis live via satellite

[6:57] to talk to my mom, and I'll be guessing

[7:00] as I do each and every year. I'll be

[7:01] guessing the pie. Mom bakes up the pie,

[7:03] and I telepathically, and I don't know

[7:05] this. I didn't visit with her before the

[7:06] show. I can determine the kind of pie

[7:08] that mom made. It's it's it's

[7:10] entertaining. It's eerie, and it raises

[7:12] a lot of questions, I think.

[7:18] And I think the number one question is

[7:20] couldn't you find something else to do?

[7:21] But that's

[7:23] Hey, speaking of couldn't find something

[7:24] else to do, look at this. We got a

[7:25] camera and a turkey, and all day long

[7:27] technicians are between eating and we're

[7:29] mounting the camera inside. Take a look

[7:31] at this. You won't going to believe it.

[7:32] So, can you There. This is inside

[7:34] And that's inside a turkey.

[7:38] Now we're going to show you

[7:41] We're going to stop this for a

[7:42] >> That's right. We've won the war, ladies

[7:44] and gentlemen.

[7:49] All right, go ahead. They're going to

[7:50] They're going to go ahead and stuff that

[7:51] thing. Okay, here we go. Get ready.

[7:57] They have to have those green rubber

[7:59] gloves. That's

[8:02] >> [music]

[8:03] >> All right.

[8:05] Okay. All right. Just stuff it. Don't

[8:08] get acquainted.

[8:11] All right. Look.

[8:12] That's fine.

[8:14] Okay, ladies and gentlemen, earlier

[8:16] today the 400th annual Macy's

[8:18] Thanksgiving Day Parade took place right

[8:20] out there on Broadway. We're going to

[8:22] show you all the excitement. Take it

[8:23] away, Paul. Here's your

[8:32] >> [music]

[8:37] [music]

[8:38] >> Yowsers. Yowsers. Yowsers.

[8:45] I have a list of pies here.

[8:47] Mom makes up the two pies and then I'll

[8:49] I'll guess them.

[8:50] >> And is this a list of all the possible

[8:52] pies she's liable to make?

[8:53] >> Yeah. Well, I don't know about that. We

[8:54] got like 40 pies here.

[8:56] >> Just all possible pies in the pie

[8:57] universe.

[8:58] >> No, I don't think it's all pies, Paul. I

[8:59] said there's only 40 on the list.

[9:01] >> 40 of the possible

[9:02] >> 40 pies in the pie universe. Yeah. I

[9:04] think it's nearly an infinite number of

[9:06] pies.

[9:06] >> 40

[9:07] >> Well, yeah. No, not 40, but in the pie

[9:09] universe

[9:09] >> There would possibly be infinite. Yeah.

[9:16] >> Thank you for all your identification,

[9:17] though, sir.

[9:18] >> Yeah. Yeah.

[9:20] >> He's very dentificated.

[9:22] >> [applause]

[9:23] >> Okay, here we go. Now, these uh marchers

[9:26] out there in the parade are

[9:26] demonstrating A, a traditional military

[9:29] cadence. B, a difficult piece of

[9:31] choreography. C, how marching bands will

[9:33] be affected by Y2K.

[9:47] >> Excuse me.

[9:50] Pardon?

[9:52] I have a little dyspeptic. Yes, oh.

[9:55] Uh here we see a worker on a break, B a

[9:57] parade official, C the safe sex float.

[10:09] Uh the theme of this float is A the

[10:11] swinging 60s, B the age of Aquarius, C a

[10:14] George W. Bush flashback.

[10:25] Uh here we see Native American dancers,

[10:27] B authentic performers from Arizona, C

[10:29] the Killjoys who made it rain.

[10:40] All right, here we see Al Roker. Here's

[10:41] what he's Here's what he's thinking

[10:42] about. He's thinking about his upcoming

[10:44] interview with the mayor. That's A. Uh B

[10:47] how to describe the next float, C he's

[10:49] thinking about pie.

[10:59] Couple years ago mom started running the

[11:01] uh weird amalgamated pies in on me. And

[11:03] it's not like just apple or cherry or

[11:05] pumpkin. You know, she started making

[11:07] the amalgamated pie like what? Yeah, the

[11:09] the odd combination. You know, like

[11:10] cornbread and goat or something.

[11:13] Just just to screw me up and make me

[11:15] make me look foolish, you know, here on

[11:17] Thanksgiving Day.

[11:18] >> How would that have gone? Well, David.

[11:20] >> Well, David, no.

[11:22] No, cornbread

[11:23] >> and and goat.

[11:27] >> Um

[11:29] mom's out there. Wait a minute.

[11:36] Uh the man to the left is thinking A,

[11:38] I'm glad we practiced so much. Uh B, I

[11:40] hope the crowd is watching this. C, I

[11:42] really, really, really, really love a

[11:44] parade.

[11:54] Did you notice those little uh

[11:55] cheerleading outfits that perfectly

[11:57] match my tie?

[11:58] >> Hey, how'd you do that?

[11:59] >> found it.

[12:01] This is this uh production value. I came

[12:03] in this morning, looked over all the

[12:04] tapes, and then picked out the uh first

[12:05] one and then the

[12:06] >> values on this show.

[12:07] >> Well, it's a holiday show.

[12:08] >> I see. Yeah, well, wow, you really care.

[12:12] >> [applause]

[12:14] >> Uh

[12:15] all right.

[12:16] This scene shows A, a tribal harvest

[12:18] dancer. B, a character from The Lion

[12:20] King. C, how I march without being

[12:22] recognized. Yeah, that's me.

[12:24] That's me.

[12:32] Uh good title for this scene might be A,

[12:34] Native American dance. B, Thanksgiving

[12:36] out west. C, long lines at the

[12:37] Porta-San.

[12:48] Ah, boy, we got a big, big show. Jewel

[12:51] is on this program tonight, ladies and

[12:52] gentlemen.

[12:54] The great George Carlin is here.

[12:58] The uh category for tonight's top 10

[13:01] list, top 10 highlights of the annual

[13:03] Letterman family Thanksgiving. And and

[13:07] live via satellite all the way to

[13:09] Indianapolis, Indiana, my mom. We'll be

[13:12] right back. Guess the topic. [cheering]

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[16:31] >> All right, ladies and gentlemen, we're

[16:32] talking about Kathy's Thanksgiving.

[16:34] >> [applause]

[16:35] >> Jewel is on the show. Uh George Carlin

[16:38] and uh my mom. Earlier when we had the

[16:40] little staff uh Thanksgiving lunch, I

[16:43] made a horrible mistake and I want to

[16:44] take a second here to uh correct my

[16:46] mistake and apologize if I embarrassed

[16:48] anyone. Uh the young girl being spun the

[16:50] loopy in the chair, that was not Sydney

[16:52] Burnett. That was Lucy Burnett.

[16:54] >> Of course.

[16:54] >> Yeah. So, they're they're sisters and

[16:56] they're the daughters of our executive

[16:58] producer, but you know how a thing like

[16:59] that can scar a kid for life.

[17:02] So, it was it was Lucy being spun goofy

[17:05] there and and then and then dad coming

[17:07] in to, you know, give her the old

[17:08] straight line test, see how she's doing.

[17:11] So, my apologies to the family and any

[17:13] embarrassment I may have caused you on

[17:15] this lovely holiday.

[17:19] Let's see it again.

[17:21] Let's see it again.

[17:24] This is his uh precious daughter Lucy

[17:26] being spun silly in the chair. Let's

[17:27] take Yeah, we'll queue it up. Here we

[17:28] go.

[17:31] This is Hey Paul, a guy came up to me on

[17:33] the street today during the parade. Do

[17:34] you know what he said?

[17:34] >> I have an idea.

[17:35] >> "Uh where's the parade?"

[17:37] >> Ah.

[17:38] >> Parade?

[17:39] What is it about you?

[17:40] >> I don't know.

[17:41] >> It's always that guy.

[17:42] >> What's his guy?

[17:44] >> [applause]

[17:45] >> We're working that up now. We're working

[17:46] on that.

[17:50] >> Oh, I see. Oh, there we go. That's good.

[17:52] That's Now, that's Lucy. I made a

[17:53] mistake. I said it was Sydney. Here we

[17:55] go. Spin her up. Put her in the old

[17:57] centrifuge. Faster. Faster.

[18:00] Let's Here we go. Now Now daddy's there

[18:02] to help. There we go.

[18:04] >> All right.

[18:19] >> [applause]

[18:19] >> Every time you get out the video camera

[18:21] at your house, you're thinking the same

[18:22] thing, aren't you? I wish Bob Saget

[18:23] still had that show. Is that what you're

[18:24] thinking?

[18:26] I can make That's right.

[18:29] Uh here's what I'm talking about. 1997,

[18:31] here's the pies my mom made. Cherry,

[18:34] okay, you can guess cherry straight

[18:36] away. Pie number two,

[18:37] coconut butterscotch pecan.

[18:39] >> Yeah, how are you supposed to get that?

[18:42] You can't.

[18:44] >> And then one year she made three pies.

[18:46] You remember what they were in 1994? Oh,

[18:47] this was good. Mom made three pies. One

[18:50] was pumpkin.

[18:50] >> Yeah, I know, of course.

[18:51] >> One was cherry. Can you guess the third?

[18:53] >> No.

[18:54] >> Cherry.

[18:55] >> Ah.

[18:59] >> I'm telling you, you're better off

[19:00] taking the bus down to Atlantic City.

[19:01] You know what I'm saying?

[19:02] >> Yeah, she's really The real odds are

[19:04] >> Yes, sir. What are we doing now? Huh?

[19:06] Where'd the kid go with the Oh, yeah.

[19:08] Well, somebody give you the afternoon

[19:10] off?

[19:11] That's nice. You're out there visiting

[19:12] with the audience.

[19:14] Well, that's good.

[19:18] I was watching the uh

[19:21] CBS covered uh the parade here, the uh

[19:23] Macy's Day Parade. They covered also a

[19:25] parade in uh Detroit. They covered a

[19:26] parade in Nashville, and then they

[19:27] covered uh this uh parade uh in uh

[19:30] Hawaii. Look at this.

[19:33] Yeah.

[19:35] >> Happy Thanksgiving America and aloha.

[19:39] >> Okay, that was the parade in Hawaii. And

[19:40] I'm I'm watching that and I have just

[19:42] one question. Who the hell are those

[19:44] people?

[19:51] Okay, here we go.

[19:53] Turn on the satellite. Let's go. It's

[19:54] time to get the pie.

[20:03] >> [music]

[20:10] >> Hi Mama.

[20:12] Happy Thanksgiving, David.

[20:14] >> Thanks, Mom. Happy Thanksgiving to you.

[20:15] How you doing?

[20:16] >> Doing great. How about you?

[20:17] >> Well, you look pretty good. You look

[20:19] darn good. Things must be going all

[20:20] right there, huh?

[20:21] >> Things are going fine. Thank you.

[20:23] >> Now, uh as I recall, every Thanksgiving

[20:25] uh for quite some time, you have the

[20:27] National Guard over. Is that correct?

[20:31] >> Not this year.

[20:32] >> people you got coming to the house?

[20:34] >> Uh right now, I think there are 10 or so

[20:37] here.

[20:38] >> And was was last year it was drifters

[20:40] and hitchhikers?

[20:42] >> Yeah, that was last year.

[20:43] >> Yeah.

[20:52] Uh what's the weather like there in the

[20:54] Circle City? What's happening?

[20:56] >> It's cloudy and cool.

[20:58] >> That's just the way you want it on

[20:59] Thanksgiving, isn't it?

[21:00] >> That's true.

[21:01] >> Yeah, yeah. Uh

[21:03] Are you done cooking for the day? It's

[21:04] all but serving? It's all you got to do

[21:05] now is serve the stuff?

[21:06] >> That's all I have to do.

[21:08] >> Yeah, okay. Are you confident? You

[21:09] happy? Everything seem to be okay?

[21:11] >> Everything's fine.

[21:12] >> Okay.

[21:14] Ever had to Heimlich anybody there, Mom?

[21:17] >> No, David.

[21:18] >> Ever had to

[21:27] Ever had to pry a big wad of stuffing

[21:29] out of somebody's throat?

[21:35] Mom don't think a lot of this stuff is

[21:37] funny, by the way.

[21:39] Well, it's good to see you, Mom, and I

[21:40] guess you baked some pies, huh?

[21:43] >> I did.

[21:43] >> Now, now how many pies did you make?

[21:45] Let's just get a couple of things

[21:46] straight. How many did you bake?

[21:47] >> I baked two.

[21:48] >> Two. Now, do you have any of those

[21:50] gimmicky kind of trick pies?

[21:53] >> Not this year.

[21:54] >> You know, those weird combinations, you

[21:56] know, like rhubarb and linoleum or

[21:57] whatever the hell

[22:00] >> It was rhubarb and it was delicious.

[22:02] >> Yeah, I'm sure it was. Okay, so you only

[22:03] have the two pies.

[22:05] >> That's true.

[22:05] >> All right, okay. So now I'm going to try

[22:07] and guess. We've given up on this

[22:09] telepathic connection because apparently

[22:10] there is none here. I'm just I'm just

[22:12] going to flat-out guess the pies, all

[22:14] right? And and and when I guess the pie,

[22:17] you stop the clock, I beat the clock,

[22:19] all right?

[22:19] >> All right.

[22:20] >> ready? Here we go.

[22:21] >> Ready?

[22:21] >> All right. And time.

[22:24] Pie number one.

[22:26] >> [clears throat]

[22:27] >> Pumpkin.

[22:28] >> That's your final answer?

[22:47] >> Aha.

[22:48] Yes. Yes, Mom, that's my final answer.

[22:52] >> Are you confident?

[22:52] >> I'm confident.

[22:54] >> You're sure?

[22:55] >> I'm sure.

[22:58] >> That's right. One is a pumpkin.

[22:59] >> There you go.

[23:08] All right.

[23:10] That's pretty good. Now, Mom, is this

[23:11] second pie is it in the fruit or berry

[23:14] family?

[23:16] >> It's berry family.

[23:17] >> It's in the berry family.

[23:19] >> Yes.

[23:19] >> Is it Well, all berries are out of

[23:21] season now in this hemisphere, is that

[23:23] correct?

[23:24] >> That's true.

[23:25] >> So, are these berries that you picked

[23:26] during the summer and froze?

[23:28] >> That's right.

[23:29] >> Is it Is it an exotic kind of berry or a

[23:33] common kind of berry?

[23:36] >> I would say probably it's exotic.

[23:38] >> Exotic. Okay.

[23:39] >> Yeah, for us to pick it.

[23:41] >> Uh-huh. All right.

[23:42] >> As exotic as we can get here.

[23:43] >> Right.

[23:49] All right.

[23:50] All right.

[23:53] I have one more question. Is it deadly

[23:54] poisonous?

[23:56] >> Of course not.

[23:57] >> Okay, is it the Is it Is it Okay,

[23:59] something a berry Is it a berry?

[24:01] Oh, uh

[24:03] gooseberry.

[24:04] >> No gooseberry.

[24:06] >> All right. All right.

[24:12] Blueberry.

[24:14] >> Not blueberry.

[24:17] >> Is it Is it Is it one of the

[24:18] raspberries?

[24:20] >> Yes.

[24:20] >> All right, it's one of the raspberries.

[24:21] Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. There

[24:22] are two kinds of raspberry.

[24:25] I'm going to go with red raspberry.

[24:27] >> You're right.

[24:28] >> Yeah!

[24:34] >> [music]

[24:35] >> Man.

[24:39] That's beautiful.

[24:42] That's Is that that raspberry chiffon

[24:44] pie?

[24:45] >> Yes.

[24:45] >> Oh, man, that's good eating. I've had

[24:47] that, boy. Oh, boy. That That That'll

[24:49] make you say hello. That's

[24:52] Mom, just for the fun of it, because I

[24:54] know you've been working all week

[24:55] cooking and stuff, do me a favor so

[24:57] everybody can see you. Do you mind

[24:58] opening just open the refrigerator? Let

[25:00] them show Show people what your

[25:01] refrigerator looks like on Thanksgiving.

[25:03] Look at that. There we go.

[25:07] Okay.

[25:10] There we go. Happy Thanksgiving, Mom.

[25:13] Nice job.

[25:14] My mom there in Indianapolis, Indiana.

[25:18] >> [music]

[25:23] [music]

[25:24] >> We'll be right back with tonight's top

[25:27] 10 list, ladies and gentlemen.

[25:29] >> [music]

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[25:59] >> Log on [music] to dksports.com, the

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[26:46] >> Every local TV station has a website,

[26:48] but only one stands out. Channel 6000 is

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[26:54] Portland and top 10 in the nation. Log

[26:57] on to Channel 6000 and get what you

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[27:01] >> Skiers and snowboarders, US Outdoor

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[27:51] under 12,000, you can safely splurge on

[27:54] other things. The new 2000 Plymouth

[27:56] Neon.

[27:56] >> [music]

[27:56] >> See your local Northwest Chrysler and

[27:58] Plymouth dealer.

[28:01] >> Your clothes may be designed for the

[28:03] gentle cycle, but many regular

[28:05] detergents are not.

[28:06] >> [music]

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[28:21] >> [music]

[28:22] >> We're going to hear tonight's top 10

[28:24] list. Let's go. Let's turn it on. Let's

[28:26] roll.

[28:26] >> [music]

[28:34] >> The uh category top 10 uh highlights of

[28:36] the Letterman family Thanksgiving. Top

[28:38] 10 highlights of my uh family

[28:40] Thanksgiving. Here we go. Number 10.

[28:42] Uh guessing what animal the turkey was

[28:44] before Mom ran it over with the car.

[28:45] Number nine.

[28:47] Dressing up in the Von Trapp family

[28:48] costumes to watch The Sound of Music.

[28:50] >> Oh, yeah.

[28:51] >> Number eight, Aunt Hazel asks me what

[28:53] I've been up to since the show was

[28:54] canceled. Number seven,

[28:56] the deafening whine of my bagpipes.

[28:58] Number six, when Mommy let me eat turkey

[29:00] at the big people table.

[29:03] Uh number five, hugging cousin Carl good

[29:05] night feeling stolen silverware in his

[29:07] jacket.

[29:09] Number four, when unusual kid from down

[29:11] the street shows up at door saying trick

[29:13] or treat.

[29:15] Number three, Mom telling us to expect

[29:17] surprise visit from cousin salmonella.

[29:22] Number two, that whole David meets your

[29:24] real father moment.

[29:27] And the number one highlight of the

[29:28] Letterman family Thanksgiving, watching

[29:30] football all day, wrestling tapes all

[29:32] night.

[29:33] >> [music]

[29:40] [music]

[29:41] >> All right.

[29:42] Our first guest is a big big big star in

[29:45] the world of comedy. He's been doing

[29:47] stand-up for 40 40 years. An amazing

[29:50] accomplishment and quite a record. And

[29:51] recently, he has released this

[29:53] seven-disk box set entitled George

[29:56] Carlin, The Little David Years. Here he

[29:59] is, ladies and gentlemen,

[30:00] George Carlin.

[30:07] >> [music]

[30:12] >> Thank you.

[30:13] Thank you.

[30:15] I appreciate that. Thank you very much,

[30:16] Dave. You know, uh

[30:18] I don't talk about myself on these shows

[30:21] very much, but I had a traffic accident

[30:23] last week. But I think I ought to tell

[30:25] you about it.

[30:26] And there are a couple things about me

[30:27] you got to know before I begin. I uh I

[30:30] drive kind of recklessly. I take a lot

[30:31] of chances. I don't repair my vehicle,

[30:33] and I don't believe in traffic laws.

[30:37] So, over the course of time, I tend to

[30:39] have quite a high number of traffic

[30:40] accidents.

[30:42] And last

[30:43] I either ran over a sheep

[30:46] or I ran over a small man wearing a

[30:48] sheepskin coat.

[30:51] And I don't know because I didn't stop.

[30:54] I do not stop when I have a traffic

[30:56] accident. Do you?

[30:58] Do you? No, you can't. You can't. Hey,

[31:00] who has time?

[31:02] These days, who has time? Not me. I hit

[31:04] somebody, I run somebody over,

[31:06] I keep moving.

[31:08] Especially if I've injured someone.

[31:11] I do not get involved in that.

[31:14] I'm not a doctor. I've had no medical

[31:16] training.

[31:18] I'm just another guy out driving around

[31:20] looking for a little fun, and I can't be

[31:22] stopping for everything.

[31:25] Well, let's just look at it logically.

[31:26] Just be logical about it. If you do stop

[31:28] at the scene of the accident, all you do

[31:30] is add to the confusion.

[31:33] These people you ran over have enough

[31:34] troubles of their own

[31:36] without you stopping and making things

[31:38] worse.

[31:39] They've just been in a major traffic

[31:41] accident.

[31:43] The last thing they need is for you to

[31:45] stop and get out of your car and go over

[31:47] to the fire because by now it is a fire

[31:51] to start bothering them with a lot of

[31:52] stupid questions. Are you hurt? Well, of

[31:55] course they're hurt.

[31:56] Look at all the blood.

[31:58] You just ran over them with a ton and a

[32:00] half of steel.

[32:01] Of course they're hurt. Leave these

[32:03] people alone.

[32:06] Haven't you done enough?

[32:09] At long last, haven't you done enough?

[32:12] For once in your life, do the decent

[32:13] thing. Don't get involved.

[32:16] Keep moving.

[32:19] Well, in the first place, none of your

[32:20] business.

[32:22] Simple as that, none of your business.

[32:24] The whole thing took place outside of

[32:25] your car.

[32:29] Legally speaking,

[32:31] Right.

[32:33] That's true.

[32:35] Right, thank you.

[32:36] Legally speaking, these people you ran

[32:38] over were not on your property at the

[32:40] time you ran them over. They were

[32:41] standing in the street that is city

[32:43] property. You are not responsible.

[32:46] They don't like it, let them sue the

[32:47] mayor.

[32:49] Besides, it happened back there.

[32:52] It's all over now. Stop living in the

[32:55] past.

[32:58] Do yourself a favor.

[33:02] Yes.

[33:03] >> [applause]

[33:05] >> Count your blessings, be glad it wasn't

[33:07] you.

[33:08] And I'll give you a practical reason not

[33:10] to stop. Do you need a practical reason?

[33:12] If you do stop, sooner or later the

[33:13] police are going to show up.

[33:16] Is that what you want?

[33:18] Huh? Waste even more of your time

[33:20] standing around filling out forms,

[33:21] answering a lot of pointless questions?

[33:23] And by the way, who are you to be taking

[33:26] up the valuable time of the police

[33:27] department? These men and women are

[33:29] professionals. They're supposed to be

[33:31] out fighting crime.

[33:32] Stop interfering with the police. You're

[33:35] obstructing justice.

[33:37] And besides, didn't anyone else see this

[33:39] accident? Huh? Are you the only one who

[33:42] can provide information?

[33:44] Surely the people you ran over caught a

[33:45] glimpse of it at the last moment, don't

[33:46] you think?

[33:48] So, let them tell the police what

[33:49] happened. They were a lot closer to it

[33:51] than you were.

[33:53] There's no sense having two conflicting

[33:55] stories

[33:56] floating around about the same dumb ass

[33:58] traffic accident.

[33:59] Things are bad enough, people are dead,

[34:01] families have been destroyed. Time to

[34:03] get moving.

[34:05] You're probably late for dinner as it

[34:06] is.

[34:08] Yeah.

[34:09] Now,

[34:10] >> [applause]

[34:12] >> let me say on the other hand, if I

[34:14] should be out driving around looking for

[34:16] a little fun, and I see a traffic

[34:18] accident, one that I'm not involved in,

[34:20] I stop immediately.

[34:22] Well, I want to get a good look at

[34:23] what's going on.

[34:25] I enjoy that sort of thing.

[34:27] Someone else is injured, I want to take

[34:29] a look.

[34:31] I am Curious George.

[34:34] People are like that. Police don't like

[34:35] it, you know, they say you're

[34:36] rubbernecking. They say you're blocking

[34:37] traffic. Never mind that crap.

[34:40] I want to take a look. I'm never too

[34:41] busy that I can't stop to enjoy someone

[34:43] else's suffering.

[34:46] And I'll tell you something else.

[34:48] Oh, thank you.

[34:50] Thank you.

[34:52] I'll tell you something else, and you

[34:53] might not like this, but as far as I'm

[34:54] concerned, the bigger the accident, the

[34:56] better it is.

[34:57] Well, I'm looking for a little

[34:58] entertainment.

[34:59] You know my favorite accident? Two buses

[35:01] and a chicken truck.

[35:05] Get hit by a circus train in front of a

[35:06] flea market.

[35:08] Well, I want to see something

[35:09] interesting. I'm looking for a freak

[35:10] show. I want to see a neck sticking out

[35:12] of a gas tank.

[35:14] If I'm going to take the time to stop, I

[35:15] expect to be entertained.

[35:18] Let me say this. If I happen to be in

[35:20] such a position in my car where I can't

[35:21] quite see what's going on, can't get a

[35:23] good look, I'm not the least bit shy

[35:25] about asking the police to bring the

[35:26] bodies over a little closer to the car.

[35:29] That's what they do. They're paid to

[35:30] protect and serve, and to bring the

[35:31] bodies over a little closer to the car.

[35:33] Pardon me, officer, would you mind

[35:34] bringing that twisted chap over a little

[35:35] closer to the car, please? My wife has

[35:37] never seen anyone shaped quite like

[35:38] that.

[35:40] Look at that, honey. That's his rib cage

[35:41] sticking out of the glove compartment.

[35:43] Thank you, officer. That will be enough.

[35:45] Well, you can throw him back on the

[35:46] pile. We'll be moving along. And off I

[35:48] go out onto the highway looking for a

[35:50] little fun. Perhaps a tanker truck

[35:52] filled with toxic waste will explode in

[35:53] front of the Pokémon factory.

[36:06] >> George Carlin, ladies and gentlemen.

[36:08] We'll be right back to visit with our

[36:10] friend George Carlin.

[36:19] >> [music]

[36:19] >> Great Harvest Bread has over 100 stores

[36:21] connected across the country. There's no

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[36:25] besides talking to other people. Like

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[36:40] >> So they're less apt to raise prices

[36:42] because they know that I know what I

[36:43] know.

[36:46] >> [music]

[36:47] >> What is my dream? To be somebody that's

[36:50] remembered for doing something good in

[36:51] this country.

[36:52] >> Teaching children is one of the most

[36:54] important things.

[36:54] >> I want my kids to be kind to others.

[36:57] >> to treat people with the same [music]

[36:58] amount of respect that they treat you

[37:00] with.

[37:01] >> one thing that everyone's on this earth

[37:02] meant to do, you know, I'm just scared

[37:03] I'm never going to find that out.

[37:05] >> to prosper.

[37:06] >> I want to be able to help people.

[37:07] >> [music]

[37:07] >> I will say life is beautiful.

[37:17] >> Well,

[37:18] all right.

[37:22] TaylorMade Noodle golf balls, distance

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[37:26] at 25 retail stores.

[37:29] >> storerunner.com has shopping experts in

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[37:33] like Mark Anderson in sporting goods.

[37:37] >> [clears throat]

[37:38] >> Ooh, Dunlop Double Titanium ball and a

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[37:42] Am I right?

[37:43] >> storerunner.com,

[37:45] log on, let's shop.

[37:48] >> Good boy, Simon.

[37:49] >> When your dog is the star of a

[37:50] syndicated comic strip, you get lots of

[37:52] fan mail.

[37:53] Okay, Simon gets most of it.

[37:55] >> [music]

[37:55] >> When we ran the strip where Simon snubs

[37:57] his food, people sent all kinds of dog

[37:59] food. I read the labels and in every bag

[38:02] of Purina One brand Beef and Rice

[38:03] formula, beef is the number one

[38:05] ingredient. In lots of designer dog

[38:07] foods, it's corn.

[38:09] So, I let Simon try Purina One.

[38:11] >> [music]

[38:12] >> I'd say it went over pretty well.

[38:14] Purina One, second to none.

[38:17] >> One man is taking a stand to stop team

[38:19] violence.

[38:20] >> When you believe in yourself, there's

[38:21] not much you can't do.

[38:22] >> Deion Sanders joins Chuck Norris for a

[38:24] show every parent should see. Walker,

[38:26] CBS Saturday.

[38:28] >> The horseman calling again.

[38:30] >> Does anyone suspect you?

[38:32] >> Some say it is the witch of the western

[38:33] woods.

[38:34] >> There are no witches, only god and good

[38:35] souls.

[38:36] >> Why are you so certain [music] of

[38:36] everything?

[38:37] >> The mystery.

[38:38] >> Is everyone in this village enthralled

[38:39] to superstition?

[38:40] >> The magic.

[38:41] >> Perhaps there's a bit of a witch in you.

[38:43] >> Why do you say that?

[38:44] >> Because you have bewitched me.

[38:45] >> Bewitched me.

[38:48] >> Johnny Depp

[38:50] Christina Ricci in a Tim Burton film.

[38:53] Sleepy Hollow, rated R.

[38:56] Now playing in theaters everywhere.

[38:58] >> General Motors has selected [music] Carl

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[40:01] >> All right, Joel Gallen, ladies and

[40:03] gentlemen.

[40:05] Yay!

[40:06] Yay!

[40:07] Tell me about um

[40:09] Tell me about Thanksgiving experiences

[40:11] you've had. Anything Is it pretty much

[40:13] just everybody's Thanksgiving or you do

[40:14] unconventional kind of things?

[40:16] >> Well, we we don't have turkey anymore.

[40:18] >> Oh, really?

[40:19] >> yeah, we got a little tired of that. Uh

[40:20] last year we had a stork.

[40:23] >> Stork?

[40:23] >> Stork is good. The year before that, an

[40:24] ostrich.

[40:25] >> Oh.

[40:25] >> Yeah. And the trouble is, two problems

[40:27] with the ostrich. Takes about 2 or 300

[40:29] lb of stuffing and about [laughter] six

[40:31] or eight people to break the wishbone.

[40:34] But it makes a hell of a noise and uh

[40:37] we just enjoy it.

[40:37] >> Well, the the noise, that's festive in

[40:39] its own right.

[40:40] >> Yeah.

[40:41] It's time to eat.

[40:41] >> Yeah. Uh do you as a kid growing up, do

[40:43] you have a a certain memory that you

[40:45] like to

[40:45] >> Well, my favorite Thanksgiving story is

[40:47] about my favorite uncle, Uncle George,

[40:49] >> Mhm.

[40:50] >> the one I was named after.

[40:51] >> Oh, that's nice.

[40:51] >> Yeah. He I I had a lot of uncles. I I I

[40:54] didn't know my father at all. This is

[40:55] all true stuff, kind of punched up for

[40:58] comedy, but I didn't know my father. Uh

[41:00] when I was about 2 months of age, he was

[41:02] asked to leave.

[41:03] >> Really?

[41:03] >> Yeah, he apparently didn't metabolize

[41:05] ethanol very successfully.

[41:08] So, he was asked to leave when I was 2

[41:09] months.

[41:10] I believe he came back once when I was

[41:11] 7, but it was merely because he'd

[41:13] forgotten his hat.

[41:15] So, I got to know my uncles. Got to know

[41:17] my uncles.

[41:18] Uh very well. And on Thanksgiving, they

[41:20] would all come over and pretty much

[41:22] drink themselves into a stupor, you

[41:23] know. Uncles and aunts. Nobody

[41:26] metabolized anything rather well in my

[41:28] family. Uh Aunt Edith was especially

[41:30] impressive. She would always bring two

[41:31] bottles of wine.

[41:32] >> Oh, that's for herself.

[41:33] >> And the other one for herself.

[41:35] >> [laughter]

[41:37] >> So, I I got to know my uncles pretty

[41:39] well except for George.

[41:40] >> Yeah.

[41:40] >> They didn't talk about George. George is

[41:42] one of those uncles they don't talk

[41:43] about. Uh seems that George is in the

[41:45] custody of other people.

[41:47] So, I got Yeah. I got to be about 8 or 9

[41:50] years old and I got curious. I am

[41:51] Curious George. I got curious and I I

[41:54] said, "Okay, folks, what's the deal with

[41:55] Uncle George? Where is he?" And they

[41:57] said they sat me down. They said,

[41:59] "George is in the nut house."

[42:01] >> Oh.

[42:01] >> Yeah, they didn't pull punches in our

[42:03] family. We didn't say mental hospital,

[42:04] psychiatric facility, nut house.

[42:08] I personally have always preferred the

[42:09] term "hoo-hoo hotel".

[42:11] I think you'd like it. Yes. I think um

[42:15] Yes.

[42:18] Uh

[42:18] I think my aunt tried to soften the

[42:20] blow. She said, "George does not have

[42:21] both feet in the end zone."

[42:23] >> Uh

[42:23] >> So, I Yeah, yeah, I understood the

[42:24] froze.

[42:25] >> But, uh I'll tell you what happened to

[42:26] him. It was very simple story. He was

[42:28] about 18 or 19 years old, and he took

[42:30] off all his clothes. Unfortunately, he

[42:32] was not home at the time.

[42:33] >> Uh

[42:34] >> He was on the 59th Street Crosstown bus.

[42:37] And uh he didn't bother anybody, you

[42:38] know, just took off his clothes,

[42:39] probably folded them neatly.

[42:41] >> Right.

[42:41] >> And uh

[42:42] and they told him, you know, by the At

[42:44] that time, by the way, it wasn't really

[42:45] a bus, it was a trolley. So, he had the

[42:47] distinction of being one of the few

[42:48] people who was both on his trolley and

[42:50] off his trolley at the same time.

[42:51] >> Typical, yeah.

[42:53] >> So, they told him and they said, "Don't

[42:54] do that, George. Don't do that." And he

[42:55] he said, "Oh, okay." And what do you

[42:57] know? Next day, did it again.

[42:59] >> Oh, no.

[42:59] >> Yeah, same clothes, different trolley.

[43:01] >> Right.

[43:02] >> And they put him up in Orangeburg.

[43:03] >> ask him why? What was he

[43:05] >> Uh no, I don't think they asked that in

[43:06] those days. I think he just went up to

[43:08] Orangeburg.

[43:08] >> Mhm.

[43:09] >> Orangeburg, New York.

[43:10] >> He was just looking to make friends as

[43:11] well.

[43:11] >> Well, he was a friendly guy. I think so,

[43:13] yes. It might have been comparative

[43:15] anatomy for all I know. Who knows?

[43:16] [laughter]

[43:17] Might have been going to ask someone

[43:18] else to do the same thing next.

[43:20] >> Uh

[43:20] >> But, he wound up in building 17 at uh

[43:22] Rockland State Hospital. I'm I'm sorry.

[43:24] >> Well

[43:24] >> it was okay, you know, because

[43:26] [clears throat]

[43:26] uh toward the end, they let him come

[43:28] home. Toward the end of his days up

[43:29] there, uh he was doing pretty well. They

[43:30] said, "You know, he still has one wheel

[43:32] in the sand, but he's doing pretty well.

[43:34] So,

[43:35] >> we'll let him come home."

[43:36] >> That's good.

[43:36] >> And he he came home on Thanksgiving, and

[43:38] uh

[43:39] he he was sitting next to me, naturally.

[43:40] Birds of a feather, put him put him next

[43:42] to me.

[43:43] I think the theory for letting him home

[43:44] was that his condition would go largely

[43:46] unnoticed in a family like mine.

[43:49] And right in the middle of Thanksgiving

[43:51] dinner, he leans over me, and I didn't

[43:52] notice anything wrong with him, by the

[43:54] way. He came home, he painted pictures,

[43:55] he played the piano, he smoked a lot of

[43:56] Wing cigarettes. And um and and and I

[43:59] didn't notice anything wrong with him

[44:00] while he was away. So, until

[44:02] Thanksgiving dinner.

[44:03] He uh leaned over to me at one point,

[44:05] and they're just doing the normal

[44:06] things, congratulating each other on the

[44:07] mashed potatoes, and he leaned over to

[44:09] me, covered his mouth, and he said, "I'm

[44:11] an admiral."

[44:12] >> Oh.

[44:13] >> And

[44:14] I was impressed because

[44:16] first of all, well, I didn't even know

[44:18] they had a navy in Orangeburg, for one.

[44:21] And And truly I was impressed and I was

[44:23] pleased because not that he was an

[44:24] admiral

[44:25] I now I knew he's really a nut.

[44:27] >> Yeah.

[44:28] >> And that that kind of made me happy

[44:29] because that's sort of my point with

[44:30] Thanksgiving stuff.

[44:31] >> Let's let's talk about the the the box

[44:34] here of comedy. What this represents the

[44:36] stuff that has been released on previous

[44:38] records, stuff that has never been

[44:40] released, right?

[44:40] >> there's one

[44:41] >> at that. You get the thing. You get your

[44:42] mouth opening again.

[44:43] >> my lenticular.

[44:45] Um

[44:47] There are six albums there.

[44:48] >> Wow.

[44:48] >> Six albums.

[44:49] >> Now that right there is entertainment.

[44:51] >> nice?

[44:52] You know it.

[44:55] I uh

[44:57] I did six albums in the 1960s uh 1970s,

[45:00] and four of them were gold albums, and

[45:01] the other two I

[45:03] think were aluminum, perhaps lead, I'm

[45:04] not sure.

[45:05] Some non-ferrous metal. Uh And we put

[45:09] them all in here with the original

[45:10] artwork. That's what I love. I know that

[45:11] a lot of release re-releases they put it

[45:14] in jewel box, but these are actually

[45:15] like the old albums. They fold out, they

[45:16] have the same sleeves in them,

[45:18] everything. But the seventh disc in here

[45:20] is my pride and joy. It's a bonus disc.

[45:22] Got to have a bonus, Dave. Uh this has

[45:25] uh a lot of things that an hour's worth,

[45:27] hour and 10 minutes of things that were

[45:29] never on records before. Didn't make it,

[45:32] you could only get 45 minutes on an LP,

[45:34] so they we put them all Atlantic and I,

[45:36] we put them all on these So there's a

[45:38] lot of things for people who are real

[45:39] nuts and fans, you know, let them hear

[45:41] those things. And included are a

[45:43] childhood uh tapes that I made I used to

[45:46] go to the little booths around here in

[45:47] 42nd Street.

[45:48] >> Make your own little record?

[45:49] >> Make my own record for a quarter, you

[45:50] put it in, you talk for a minute, and

[45:53] they're on there.

[45:54] >> So we have a collection then of you from

[45:56] what age to the present day? From what

[45:58] >> Technically speaking, from about 11 up

[46:00] until the late '70s, actually. It cuts

[46:02] off there.

[46:02] >> All right. So, this is a good part of

[46:04] your life is represented here in this

[46:05] collection.

[46:05] >> That's right. Even my disc jockey theme

[46:07] song is on there.

[46:07] >> Excellent. Good for you. Thank you very

[46:09] much, George.

[46:10] >> Thank you, Dave.

[46:10] >> Nice piece of work. Congratulations.

[46:12] >> Thank you.

[46:12] >> George Carlin, ladies and gentlemen.

[46:14] We'll be right back with Jewel.

[46:22] >> She's a beauty, isn't she?

[46:23] >> Yeah, she sure is.

[46:24] >> Would you mind if I take a closer look?

[46:26] >> Do you mind if I ask?

[46:29] >> [music]

[46:35] [music]

[46:39] >> You got anything in a two-door?

[46:41] >> Can't do it in line? Do it on the web

[46:43] with the power of the Pentium 3

[46:44] processor. Don't just get onto the

[46:46] internet, get into it.

[46:48] >> [music]

[46:51] >> What are your favorite moments of the

[46:52] millennium?

[46:54] A special time with family, [music]

[46:56] a celebration with friends,

[46:58] or one of mankind's greatest journeys.

[47:01] Now, you can have them all on one

[47:03] [music] special Kodak Picture CD that's

[47:05] yours free. It contains all your Kodak

[47:07] [music] pictures from your latest roll

[47:09] of film, plus excerpts from Life's

[47:11] collection of the greatest pictures of

[47:13] the 20th century. Look for this [music]

[47:14] free, limited-time offer at

[47:16] participating Kodak retailers.

[47:21] >> On tonight's Late Late Show, Gina

[47:22] Gershon, Merv Griffin, plus a group of

[47:24] grandmothers who are just nuts about

[47:26] bingo.

[47:30] >> Friday, the government built him to be

[47:32] the ultimate fighting machine.

[47:35] But, does he have the strength

[47:36] >> I want you.

[47:37] >> to resist temptation? [music]

[47:38] All new Now and Again.

[47:40] >> Bam!

[47:40] >> Yasmine Bleeth is hot for Cheech in his

[47:43] dreams.

[47:45] >> You're actually dreaming about me.

[47:46] >> Are you high?

[47:47] >> All new Nash after Now and Again,

[47:48] [music] CBS Friday.

[47:54] >> You You

[47:55] >> [music]

[47:55] >> we've been friends our whole lives.

[47:57] >> Yeah, I remember when you were just a

[48:00] flake.

[48:01] >> Well, here.

[48:02] So we don't forget each other.

[48:04] >> Commemorate your times together with

[48:06] Hallmark [music] Keepsake Ornaments.

[48:08] There are 60 for under $10 each.

[48:12] >> [music]

[48:12] >> Uh-oh, this way.

[48:14] >> Away from the sun.

[48:16] >> Oops, sun's hot.

[48:17] >> It's the season to save at Hallmark Gold

[48:19] Crown.

[48:22] >> Mr. Dad.

[48:24] >> Cursey's pot

[48:25] >> How do they know that?

[48:29] >> Hi.

[48:30] >> Hi.

[48:30] >> Hi.

[48:33] >> Cursey's pot of gold. It's that good.

[48:35] >> You with the long face.

[48:38] >> I'm the 1-800 Collect Advice Guy. I

[48:40] borrowed my dad's car and it got towed.

[48:42] >> Give him a call.

[48:43] >> Use 1-800 Collect and save him a buck or

[48:45] two.

[48:45] >> That way they'll forget about all the

[48:46] dumb stuff you've done. Use 1-800

[48:48] Collect, save a buck or two.

[48:51] >> CBS Friday, an international phenomenon,

[48:55] takes New York by storm.

[48:58] He's red hot Ricky Martin.

[49:00] See his first ever network special.

[49:05] >> Join me and my special guests, José

[49:07] Feliciano and Carlos Santana.

[49:08] >> Ricky Martin, one night only, CBS

[49:10] Friday.

[49:12] >> [snorts]

[49:16] [music]

[49:30] >> Here's your regular internet homepage,

[49:32] and here's iwon.com. It's free, you use

[49:35] it like Yahoo, Excite, or other search

[49:37] engines, only iwon.com gives away

[49:39] $10,000 every day, 1 million a month,

[49:42] and 10 million on tax day. Which one

[49:44] would you choose?

[49:46] >> If my friend uses it work secretly and

[49:49] she won, would her boss get the money?

[49:52] >> No, your friend would get the money.

[49:54] >> Good to know.

[49:56] >> Introducing iwan.com. Why wouldn't you?

[50:00] >> Make someone happy.

[50:02] >> [music]

[50:02] >> No one makes the holidays more special

[50:04] than she does.

[50:05] >> Make just one heart to heart to say

[50:09] thank you.

[50:10] >> So surprise her with diamonds from Kay

[50:12] Jewelers. Every Kay diamond is hand

[50:14] selected for extraordinary color and

[50:16] clarity. Like Kay's diamond bracelets

[50:19] starting from $99.95.

[50:21] With diamonds from Kay Jewelers, you

[50:23] will make her very happy.

[50:25] >> And you will be happy, too.

[50:28] >> [music]

[50:31] >> You will have much great treats in your

[50:33] hearts.

[50:34] >> Critics are calling End of Days more

[50:36] chilling than The Exorcist.

[50:39] >> Relax. Give yourself to me.

[50:41] >> More haunting than The Sixth Sense.

[50:43] >> The dark angel's loose from his prison.

[50:46] >> End of Days will scare the hell out of

[50:48] you.

[50:56] Rated R. Now playing at theaters

[50:59] everywhere.

[51:08] Now there's a Chevy Venture with flip

[51:10] and fold seats.

[51:11] And a built-in entertainment system.

[51:16] >> I knew I should have taken a left turn

[51:17] at Albuquerque.

[51:19] >> Fun things are bound to happen when

[51:21] Chevy and Warner Brothers get together.

[51:23] Introducing the new Warner Brothers

[51:24] edition from Chevy Venture, the most

[51:26] versatile minivan ever. One quick call

[51:28] can help you learn more.

[51:30] >> Know what I love about Thanksgiving,

[51:32] Howie?

[51:32] >> The turkey, Terry.

[51:33] >> And?

[51:34] >> Parades.

[51:35] >> And?

[51:36] >> Football.

[51:37] >> The big sales the day after.

[51:39] >> And? Football.

[51:41] >> Tomorrow only from 7:00 a.m. to noon,

[51:43] RadioShack's incredible early bird

[51:45] savings. RCA CD player [music] with car

[51:47] kit, $38. Rugrats talking clock, $10.

[51:50] Sharp organizer, $5. WWF wrestling game,

[51:53] $10. Universal remote, [music] $5. 900

[51:56] MHz phone, $20. Tomorrow morning at

[51:58] RadioShack.

[51:59] >> [music]

[52:00] >> Boitano

[52:03] Oksana

[52:05] Kwan

[52:07] Lipinski

[52:09] Team USA takes on the world in a

[52:11] blade-to-blade meltdown.

[52:14] IT'S the all new Ice Wars on PBS

[52:17] Saturday. And you thought the Cold War

[52:19] was over.

[52:22] >> [music]

[52:28] [music]

[52:35] [music]

[52:43] >> See, I told you it would do that. Here.

[52:47] >> Oh, the places you will go.

[52:50] The Passport from Honda.

[52:59] >> Yeah, that's

[53:00] Our next guest is a gifted

[53:02] singer-songwriter. She has a new CD

[53:04] right here entitled Joy. It's a holiday

[53:07] collection. And she also stars in the

[53:09] acclaimed new movie Ride with the Devil.

[53:11] Here she is, Jewel.

[53:17] >> [applause]

[53:18] >> Tonight

[53:21] >> [music]

[53:21] >> tonight

[53:24] my heart was just half full

[53:29] and never [music]

[53:33] through

[53:36] the storm

[53:39] the storm

[53:41] Now I see

[53:44] what

[53:45] made the difference.

[53:46] >> [music]

[53:48] [singing]

[53:48] >> My love

[53:50] that

[53:51] I have

[53:56] >> [music]

[53:57] >> seen,

[53:58] the face of love.

[54:02] >> [music]

[54:03] >> The grace

[54:04] of God.

[54:09] >> [music]

[54:09] >> The face

[54:12] of love.

[54:16] >> [music]

[54:18] >> In silence,

[54:21] I

[54:21] >> [music]

[54:22] >> feel

[54:24] my

[54:26] Oh, my heart

[54:28] would remain

[54:31] always on her

[54:33] >> [music]

[54:34] >> inside.

[54:37] The

[54:37] >> [singing]

[54:38] >> separate mouths

[54:40] are sealed.

[54:41] >> [music]

[54:42] >> Now

[54:44] I know

[54:47] that the skin

[54:48] >> [music]

[54:48] >> just veiled

[54:50] the soul.

[54:51] Her

[54:52] eye has

[54:53] seen,

[54:57] the [music] face

[54:59] of love.

[55:04] The grace

[55:05] >> [music]

[55:05] >> of God.

[55:06] >> [singing]

[55:10] >> The

[55:11] >> [music]

[55:11] >> face

[55:13] of love.

[55:14] So,

[55:15] take my hand

[55:19] knowing

[55:20] >> [music]

[55:21] >> with

[55:22] it I also

[55:24] give my heart wanting

[55:26] >> [music]

[55:28] >> never

[55:28] >> [singing]

[55:28] >> to be

[55:30] separated

[55:32] again.

[55:33] >> [music]

[55:40] >> Where did eternity

[55:41] >> [music]

[55:41] >> begin?

[55:48] If you

[55:51] were a flame,

[55:52] >> [music]

[55:54] >> I'd allow myself

[55:57] to be

[55:59] consumed

[56:01] completely. [music]

[56:03] Away you went.

[56:07] I would

[56:08] >> [music and singing]

[56:08] >> wish you to pass

[56:11] through me,

[56:12] but now I know

[56:13] >> [music]

[56:14] [singing]

[56:15] >> that

[56:17] those gifts

[56:18] just

[56:20] veil the

[56:20] >> [music]

[56:20] >> soul,

[56:21] but

[56:22] I have seen

[56:27] >> [music]

[56:28] >> the face

[56:29] of love.

[56:32] >> [music]

[56:33] [singing]

[56:34] >> The grace

[56:35] of God.

[56:40] The face

[56:41] >> [music]

[56:43] >> of

[56:47] love.

[56:48] >> [music]

[56:57] [music]

[57:03] [music]

[57:15] >> Find great gifts at great low prices now

[57:18] at Circuit City. [music] Shop early

[57:19] Friday for 5-hour specials and get our

[57:21] lowest prices ever while they last. Like

[57:24] this color scanner just $19.99 [music]

[57:26] after mail-in rebate. Friday only at

[57:28] Circuit City.

[57:37] >> Know someone who needs a new TV?

[57:40] >> Ward's after Thanksgiving Day Sale this

[57:43] [music] Friday. Shop early and get a

[57:44] 32-in TV for $3.99. Baby Furby's are

[57:47] only $19.99. [music]

[57:48] Breadmakers are $29.99 after rebate, and

[57:51] recliners are just $149.99.

[57:53] Hurry into Ward's after Thanksgiving Day

[57:55] Sale [music] Friday and Saturday only.

[57:57] >> You can't get smarter than Ward's.

[58:01] >> Find great gifts at great low prices now

[58:03] at Circuit City. Shop early Friday for

[58:05] 5-hour specials and get our lowest

[58:07] prices ever while they last. Like this

[58:09] 17-in monitor just $129.99 [music]

[58:11] after mail-in rebates. Friday only at

[58:14] Circuit City.

[58:15] >> Skiers and snowboarders, US Outdoor

[58:18] presents Ski Etiquette. Always stay in

[58:21] control. [music]

[58:26] And never pay too much. Come to US

[58:28] Outdoor Stores Thanksgiving Weekend

[58:30] Sale. Dynastar skis with look bindings

[58:32] and poles just $249.95. Assorted Arnel

[58:35] snowboards start at just $99.95. And

[58:38] men's and ladies Nordica performance ski

[58:39] boots just $99.95.

[58:42] US Outdoor Store, where skiers help

[58:44] skiers.

[58:46] >> Finally, the time has come to meet your

[58:49] match. It's Nissan's Match Your Money

[58:51] Event. Just bring in up to $1,000 and

[58:53] Nissan will match your down payment so

[58:55] you can have up to $2,000 to put toward

[58:57] any Nissan Pathfinder. Or bring in up to

[58:59] $1,000 and Nissan will match your down

[59:02] payment so you can have up to $2,000 to

[59:04] put toward any new two-door Nissan

[59:05] Frontier. [music]

[59:06] Plus, add a value truck package with

[59:08] great features and $1,100 in savings.

[59:11] >> [music]

[59:11] >> But only through December 5th at your

[59:13] Northwest Nissan dealers.

[59:16] >> Hi, I ordered the barbecue chicken

[59:17] sandwich.

[59:18] >> Oh, I'm sorry.

[59:21] There you go.

[59:22] Here, have some barbecue fries and a

[59:24] barbecue shake.

[59:26] I'm the house.

[59:27] >> Barbecue?

[59:29] >> For real barbecue. Try Lloyd's barbecue

[59:31] [music] chicken sandwich, only at

[59:33] Subway. Real hickory smoked chicken slow

[59:35] cooked in authentic Lloyd's barbecue

[59:37] sauce, and topped with your choice